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How to help my boyfriend going through a tough time?

(3 Posts)
sinningsaint Sun 28-Dec-14 22:42:00

Just looking for a bit of advice with what to say/how to help my boyfriend as I am really starting to feel helpless sad. His step-father (lived with home since age 5) has recurring prostrate cancer and 4 months ago was given 6 months to live, at first my boyfriend really held it together as he is worried his mother will have a breakdown (mental illness is common in the family, with his sister currently being in a mental hospital due to bipolar) but in the past few weeks has really started to breakdown. He has been on 2 several day long 'benders' and even though he has kept in touch with me I have been worried sick as these have always led on from him breaking down on the phone to me and saying things such as he wants to slowly kill his body and he wouldn't care if he died at that moment. However in person he is still refusing to talk about it or open up about his feelings and I just feel really helpless. I know this is just his way of coping but I desperately want to help him as I can see he isn't going to be able to cope for much longer. On top of all this he has extremely low self esteem which stemmed from the first time his step-father had cancer meaning he has in the past refused to come out with me and my friends due to hating his body so much and if he does come out with/meet new people he is extremely anxious and won't talk. Again when I try to talk to him and help him he closes up. Does anyone have any tips on how to help/talk to people who have low self esteem and people close to them dying of cancer? Or any resources? I have tried macmillans 'the source' but found, along with mind.org.uk, they are aimed at the sufferer themselves. Just a chat would be gratefully accepted though thank you smile

heyday Sun 28-Dec-14 22:59:56

It's great that you are such a caring partner but this must be so difficult for you to endure too.
If he can't talk to you then it's important that he tries to talk to someone.
Mind should be able to help him manage his mental health decline or he could try phoning the Samaritans.
Remind him that if he does not look after himself then this will become an additional worry for his mother who has enough to deal with right now.
I think you are in for some tough times ahead so make sure you look after yourself too, both physically and mentally.

sinningsaint Mon 29-Dec-14 11:32:39

I have told him about different helplines he can call but as he truly believes he is coping it is going in one ear and out the other. I think the next few months are what I worry about the most as I really don't know how he will react to his step-fathers death.

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