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What kind of man leaves a pregnant wife?

(24 Posts)
TheDetective Sun 28-Dec-14 14:29:22

I've posted before. Some will know my story. For those that don't, the synopsis is I found out on my wedding day that my husband had had an affair just 8 weeks before we married. When I married I was 7 weeks pregnant with a baby that was actively tried for. I also had a just about to turn 2 year old with him and a 12 year old from my previous relationship.

We are now 7 weeks down the line. I gave him a chance to stay in my home, and give it time to see if things could work out.

He lasted 5 weeks. He left. After he failed to manage one of the very few things I asked if him (go cold turkey on playing computer games as he had an addiction).

Now he's trying to act like he's done nothing wrong!! I'm so angry, I want everyone to know the truth at what he has done. He has chose a life of living with mummy and playing computer games over his wife and soon to be 2 children.

What would you think of a man who walked out on his pregnant wife?

What kind of person is he?

hulahoopsilove Sun 28-Dec-14 14:33:29

Sadly I think it was over when he embarked on the affair....feel very sorry for you OP, you definately need to get some professional advice

PastPerfect Sun 28-Dec-14 14:34:14

Well I guess there are many reasons why a man might leave his pregnant wife so let's focus on what sort of man has an affair 8 weeks before his marriage and whilst trying for a baby. The answer to that is easy - one that you are better off without.

This must be a horrid time for you, share the load: tell your friends and family exactly what the cheating arsehole is but my guess is they already know

I hope you are getting lots of RL support

EvaLongoria Sun 28-Dec-14 14:35:06

I remember you OP, wasn't sure what happened. Unfortunately there are some bastards around that genuinely dont give a fuck.
I know of a lady at my DD's school who found out her DH has been shagging her friend last Christmas and that they had an affair. Her friend has 3 kids. She herself had 2 and was pregnant with the 3rd. He is now playing happy families with another mans children whilst his own wife is struggling. His wife was godmother to friends youngest.

I also unfortunately have more examples and none of them care about their kids. I would think you and all those women out there are so much better off. Hope things look up for you in the New Year. X

WhyTheFace Sun 28-Dec-14 14:38:48

It's very difficult, I think, to face the truth when you have done something horrible to someone else. It means you have to brush away the image of yourself as a "good person" and who wants to do that?

Your DH is a shit. The End. He will believe that he has done nothing wrong because it's the only way he can deal with what a terrible thing he did. It's not about him anymore, it's not about what he thinks, how he feels, what he does. It's about you detaching from this and living your life as well as you can.

It's tough, but you can't educate meat and you can't make a shit admit that they are one.

NickiFury Sun 28-Dec-14 14:41:33

I had a friend whose husband left for ow when friend was 6 weeks from giving birth. This was years ago but it was and remains one of the most awful and shocking things I have ever heard of. I say ONE of them as my own ex H overtook him in terrible deeds but I won't go into them here.

I'm SO sorry this happened to you, one day you'll look back and be grateful that such a useless specimen is gone, I promise you.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Sun 28-Dec-14 14:42:04

I think if the man has been cheating then the decent thing is to leave. The marriage clearly isnt working. Why draw out the pain until after a baby is born? He is a bastard for cheating but not for leaving whilst you are pregnant. There is never a good time to end a marriage. But better to end it sooner rather than later when you know it isnt working.

I am so sorry OP. You must be so hurt and angry right now. He is an asshole (for cheating)

ProcrastinaRemNunc Sun 28-Dec-14 14:50:23

What would you think of a man who walked out on his pregnant wife?

What kind of person is he?

I was 8 months pg when I found out. His name was and is to this day, dirt, to everyone who became aware.

Still, you do not need others opinions regarding the type of stupid spineless scumbag man he is. You do not need others agreement to validate your views.

You know. Trust in yourself. That knowledge and self belief is what will get you through.

tribpot Sun 28-Dec-14 15:02:06

It takes a special kind of moron to think that anyone is going to be fooled by his 'I did nothing wrong' story when you found it he had been cheating on your wedding day.

However, he also stalks you here on Mumsnet, doesn't he? I worry that he's going to appear here again at some point trying to explain how sorry he is and just stress you out even further.

So let's move on. How are you doing, are you managing to get any rest? Have you made plans for how to dissolve the marriage? I guess it's a bit early to be thinking about a birth partner, but do you have someone who could do it?

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Sun 28-Dec-14 15:02:07

I was 8 months pg when I found out. His name was and is to this day, dirt, to everyone who became aware

Found out he was leaving or found out he was cheating?

TheDetective Sun 28-Dec-14 15:24:47

I just can't believe he wanted a chance, then decided fuck it, I'd rather play games. Really?? He said he can't do it. He can't give them up. Therefore he had to leave.

I can't understand how someone just goes from being there most of the time with his child, to walking out the door with no regret.

I was prepared to give it time. Work on any issues (which before this were actually minimal - but mainly centred around his immaturity).

I guess I was wrong to think that he was anything other than a grade A cunt.

To those who have been through pregnancy and the newborn years alone - how bad is it going to be? sad Especially when you have a toddler already.

Tribpot I've not decided whether annulment or divorce will be better for me right now. I'm still considering the options. I'm not getting any rest really. Last week (after a massive row) I started bleeding. He was a twat over it. Long story. I'm getting fuck all help or rest quite frankly.

Natalie12341 Sun 28-Dec-14 15:27:31

Hope your ok and if a child is planned why do some men do this? Am going threw the same kind of boat and my baby was planned am 25 weeks pregnant. Big hugs

GwenaelleLaGourmande Sun 28-Dec-14 15:33:52

There may be many reasons for leaving a marriage during a pregnancy.

In his case it was because he is an immature cunt who can't keep his dick in his trousers even while trying for a baby with his fiancée.

Have NC btw OP recently but the French name should give you a clue x

JohnFarleysRuskin Sun 28-Dec-14 15:36:10

You are going to do soooo much better without him.

You are being very generous calling him 'immature'. He is a massive fuck up.

ProcrastinaRemNunc Sun 28-Dec-14 15:41:18

Found out he was leaving or found out he was cheating?

Found he had quite literally disappeared, WhyYouGottaBeSoRude.

There was an ow but I didn't find out until well after he'd miraculously reappeared and reinserted himself into my family.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Sun 28-Dec-14 15:41:21

Ive been through pregnancy to 9 years old on my own. It was fine. Much much easier without a cheating immature manchild to stress out over. Really OP your life will be far easier on a day to day basis without the stress of a horrible trustless relationship with someone who creates more issues than he solves by being there.

Tell your family and friends exactly what he has done, they will rally to support you.

ProcrastinaRemNunc Sun 28-Dec-14 15:43:00

Agree with WhyYouGotta. Single parenting rocks, afaic! Wouldn't have it any other way.

CheeseBuster Sun 28-Dec-14 15:45:54

The same kind of man that leaves any woman. Do you want him to stay just because your pregnant? Are pregnant ladies not allowed to dump partners either? People should be together because they love each other not because they are obligated to.

Yes he's sounds a twat but i hate the idea that poor pregnant ladies shouldn't ever be dumped when they would be if they were sans foetus. Cheating on any woman is bad it is no worse because you're knocked up.

flowers sorry your going through this.

tribpot Sun 28-Dec-14 15:55:17

If his presence is stressing you, Detective, you're better off minimising contact. Is he having weekend contact with the 2-year old at his mum's house?

Twinklebells Sun 28-Dec-14 15:57:23

Don't try and get your head round or understand what he has done. You never will as you aren't like him. It will just torture you and tie yourself up in knots.

Please try and rest and take care of yourself. Call on all your friends and family you can and lean on them. Do tell a few what he has done - word will soon get out. And a good lawyer will be worth its weight in gold. Btw a man who plays computer games constantly won't be any help with a newborn anyway. At least now you will only have 2 children to take care of, not 3.

mrstowers Sun 28-Dec-14 22:24:16

You said it yourself and answered your own question. He's immature.

Gobbolinothewitchscat Mon 29-Dec-14 11:19:14

Has he sought any help for the computer game addiction? This isn't something that you should be sorting out - he would need to do it for himself.

I'm not suggesting it as a prerequisite for him and you to reconcile - rather to try and ensure that he is as useful and and productive separated parent as he can be.

Separately, I posted on your last thread, I think. I would still say that I think that you need to arrange mediation as soon as possible. Things sound very fraught and I think you would really benefit from trying to discuss contact fir the children etc with a third party who can hopefully try and take the heat out if things a bit

BecksLee83 Sat 03-Jun-17 14:00:12

I can understand completely how you feel, I got married when I was 8 weeks pregnant, and 4 weeks after our wedding my husband left. This baby was very much tried for, for 16 months. I already have 2 children from a previous relation and he was a wonderful step-father to them both, we had some difficulties last year but worked through them, then the working away started again and he became more distant. I found out hes been in regular contact with various ex girlfriends asking them to start a family with him despite having a baby on the way with me and being married to me.
I'm incredibly hurt by it all, and just want my family back together, I wish I had known about all of this 4 months ago before the baby and the wedding happened. Now I feel trapped and apparently it was all revenge for something I didn't even do.

ParmaViolets17 Mon 05-Jun-17 01:16:38

Zombie thread...

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