Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Boyfriend been texting another woman

(18 Posts)
DubbyDubby Sat 27-Dec-14 16:26:07

Hi all

My boyfriend recently told me he had been texting another woman for about 6 weeks a couple of months ago. He said he knocked it on the head when she wanted to meet up and he told her he has a girlfriend. I don't know what to make of this. He said it started off as friendly chat about music/his band and the texts weren't that frequent. He says it wasn't flirty or sexchat either.

I feel so confused now and don't know what to believe.

I don't understand why he hid it from me if that's all it was? He said he knew I wouldn't like it - and he also said he wouldn't have liked me doing the same with another man. He's deleted all the texts and her contact details from his phone. Why if innocent? He admitted they made him feel guilty. He said it made him feel good - he admits he knew she liked him but that he never had any intention of taking it any further.

I don't know what to think. is this just an ego boost? or am I being mugged off with minimisations? It's so horrible not knowing what the truth issad

HappyGoLuckyGirl Sat 27-Dec-14 16:29:41

Did you catch him out or was this revelation spontaneous?

DubbyDubby Sat 27-Dec-14 16:34:11

I was a bit suspicious as things had been distant for a little while between us, so I looked at his phone. There was nothing on it but I asked him straight out if he was seeing someone else and he said no but he had been texting someone but had ended it a few weeks previously when she wanted to meet up.

26Point2Miles Sat 27-Dec-14 18:22:52

So how did he 'meet' her?

AMumInScotland Sat 27-Dec-14 18:30:32

How do you feel about this relationship as a whole? Do you generally find him to be a good person, trustworthy, supportive, etc? Do you want to continue with him anyway, regardless of this situation? You say things had been distant - maybe you were already feeling that it had 'run its course'?

People do sometimes do silly things, as a oneoff, and realise their mistake. But people also 'admit' to things like this so that you are pushed onto the back foot and can't then 'accuse' them of it. And so you can't complain when they do it again, because you didn't make a big deal of it last time around.

Up to you which category you think is more likely for him. And how you feel about him as a whole, as well as about this one thing.

DubbyDubby Sat 27-Dec-14 19:18:44

Apparently she is a friend of a colleague and they met on a work night out. Apparently they just chatted and then she asked his colleague for his number and texted him. Would you believe this? My head is melted.

AndreaKaren123 Sat 27-Dec-14 19:26:38

I found out in April this year that my partner of 18 months had still been on dating sites. He says he did it for a laugh. Nothing in it he says. ... yet he can be up all hours on his phone ... He says they are friends. I said you where never like this when we where first together . Ever since I found out... Our relationship is not the same ... He is secretive. ... etc
I know how you feel x

HappyGoLuckyGirl Sat 27-Dec-14 19:33:17

It's the script. Cheaters minimise and will only ever admit to what they think you know.

Sorry you're both going through this shitty situation. I've been there, I know how it feels. thanks

DubbyDubby Sat 27-Dec-14 19:42:28

I get he's probably minimising his part in it. but there's a big difference between him texting someone for ego kicks and shagging someone - but I hate the fact I will never know if what he's telling - that they didn't meet up - is the truth.

AndreaKaren123 Sat 27-Dec-14 19:46:48

I have asked loads of times to be honest and open. ... it is like he is I. Denial. He says he has done nothing wrong . Mental cruelty it is

DubbyDubby Sun 28-Dec-14 00:11:23

Andrea I really feel for you. At least mine seems to have been an isolated incident whereas yours feels like an ongoing torture. What's keeping you in the relationship?

BuzzardBirdRoast Sun 28-Dec-14 00:16:44

Hmm, my senses are telling me that she has threatened to tell you. He is covering his ass. He had no other reason to tell you about something that he had already knocked on the head, did he?

AndreaKaren123 Sun 28-Dec-14 07:17:10

Yes your right. This morning I said I felt that we are drifting apart, no closeness between us . He said that is how you feel and walked off

Joysmum Sun 28-Dec-14 07:39:53

He had 6 weeks of ongoing communication with another woman that he KNEW was inappropriate enough to upset you but was important enough to him to completely disregard your feelings and continue.

How is that and isolated incident? It was an ongoing campaign to deceive!

DubbyDubby Sun 28-Dec-14 08:28:53

Joysmum you are right.

Why oh why do I seem completely incapable of making my mind up whether to end it or not? I'm
losing complete faith in my ability to make a decision. I just feel hopeless.

AndreaKaren123 Sun 28-Dec-14 09:13:11

I know that feeling

Eekaman Mon 29-Dec-14 22:17:51

I don't get it.... isn't ones partner allowed to communicate in a non flirty, non sexual way with people who aren't the same gender them?

Shouldn't the OPs bf be commended for terminating this friendship when the other party offered to take it further? My wife got asked out the other day, while I was in the same room as her, should I be upset with her? Of course not.

Joysmum Mon 29-Dec-14 22:35:52

I don't get it.... isn't ones partner allowed to communicate in a non flirty, non sexual way with people who aren't the same gender them?

There's a big difference between that, and doing something they've felt the need to keep secret from the girlfriend and the fact he had a girlfriend wasn't obvious to the other woman either.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now