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Any other single parents feel like this?

(11 Posts)
onionlove Fri 26-Dec-14 23:41:26

First Christmas as a lone parent with ds 5 and dd 2, have tried my best but it hasn't been easy have felt pretty lonely.
I know that mums do all the practical stuff and the dads are seen as fun but whenever the kids are sad, overtired, or I have to tell them off they cry and shout for daddy, they don't want me, they probably find me boring because I had to cook dinner, tidy up etc whereas dad has loads of time to play, I know it sounds daft and the main thing is to make sure that they are ok as they can be I just feel that I don't make them happy and they don't want me

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Fri 26-Dec-14 23:47:44

This is my third christmas alone, but my Ex joins us. Then leaves to go and be with his girlfriend. <gut punch>

despomum41 Fri 26-Dec-14 23:59:16

OP hang in there yours kids are still young, this is my 10th year it never gets easier dd17 ds6 babydaddys not interested, my sisters live abroad , im an orphan sad we do try and enjoy ourselves. My ds asked one of my friends what she was doing for christmas and friend looked very uncomfortable thinking that we wanted to gate crush her family christmas

smoothieooo Fri 26-Dec-14 23:59:20

Same here puds - 3rd Christmas as a single parent but I allowed ex to come for Christmas breakfast and spend a bit of time with DC. It was surprisingly ok and we even had a glass of Buck's Fizz together. I thought I'd be gutted when he left after a couple of hours but was fine. My priority is the teenage DC - it's important for them to see their dad, and to see us having a lovely civilized time, even if I do think he's an utter nob-jockey wankbadger! grin

Lweji Sat 27-Dec-14 00:01:31

You know, them shouting for daddy is like saying they hate you or that you are a bad mum.
They are just playing up.

And mums don't have to do all the practical stuff. Not single, nor in relationships. And dads are not for fun stuff.

You can do both. And it's good for them to realise that they have to respect the time you need to make things happen, like food and presents, and decorations.

I'm lucky that I have lots of family around. And ex in another country.
So, hugs to you.

Proudmumof2boys Sat 27-Dec-14 00:55:57

Sending hugs to you too
I'm 4 years on and don't find it lonely, but I'm lucky we all move in to my parents for a week or so x

Hesaysshewaffles Sat 27-Dec-14 08:39:53

This was my second as a single parent. I couldn't face it being at home so we 'moved' in with my parents for a few days.

I just wanted to sympathise with you about asking for daddy etc. My 3 year old is doing it. When she wakes in the night, is ill, told off etc, she cries for daddy. It makes me so sad but I keep telling myself it's a
Stage x

onionlove Sat 27-Dec-14 13:25:50

Thanks everyone for your kind responses and hugs go out to you all in return.
My Ex and I aren't up to spending time together in front of the kids, except for birthday parties which are busy and surrounded by other people anyhow. We are civilised with each other but not what you would say is friendly.
I know I am bringing balance into their lives and its not going to change also I think it is good for them to see that things need to be done before the fun starts. It is hard when they want Dad when they are sad but natural I suppose as they see him less, they are really good children. Its just me being paranoid that i'm not enough for them on a day to day basis.

heyday Sat 27-Dec-14 14:40:02

Of course you are good enough so please don't go down this road.
My little grandson (3) always cries for his dad when his mum has told him off. Parents have never lived together. He sobs "I want my daddy". However, when daddy tells him off he cries that he wants mummy.
Children are very good at taking their parents for granted, especially the parent who does the bulk of the childcare/hard work.
It's never easy being a parent and life of a lone parent is especially difficult.
Think ahead and try to make different plans for next year; ie invite people round or visit relatives to break the day up.
It's important that children see their mummy happy at times. I know it's a tough ride but try and have some fun with the children even if it's just something like story time/tickle time or hide and seek. It's so important to laugh together.
They love you and even though they may not show it, don't ever forget it,

greenberet Sat 27-Dec-14 15:24:36

same boat here except my kids are teens - what really got me was giving DH option to come and see kids but instead he chose to spend it with his family who he "thinks" are close. Seeing my DD gradually become more & more withdrawn as the day went on was extremely hard.

I am finding today worse though - they both spent the day & night with him yesterday - neither have hardly said a word since they've been back & I know he now has OW turning up for a few days - its as though he has done his duty and now its all fun for him whilst im on on here looking for support.

To make matters worse I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer and stupidly thought his behaviour would change but ive realised nothing will change him.

FolkGirl Sat 27-Dec-14 15:52:22

I know that mums do all the practical stuff and the dads are seen as fun

No, no, no!

Stop perpetuating this nonsense!

You can be all of ut, or as much of it as you want to be. But don't buy into any sexist crap that's going to put extra pressure on you to be more than you need to be.

You can be/have fun, too.

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