Hello,
I'm following on from my previous threads about my break up with my partner, it's been two and a half months now and I've just gone through the worst Christmas of my life. I know people have it a lot lot worse than I do, but right now I just need a bit of hand holding about how to get through this period of the year.
He left me and our home at the start of November, the tenancy ended at the end of November and we've both moved back home (I'm 30, he's 27). The reason for our breakup is mainly because I betrayed his trust, lying about something irrelevant, if I'd have told the truth in the first place it'd have been fine, but to him once the trust is broken then that's it, you can't get it back. I'd been trying my hardest to show I'm a good person for three months afterwards, but he just decided he'd had enough and left.
So since we moved out we've had periods of not talking, which going from speaking all the time to nothing has been awful for me. Since the tenancy ended he's been on WhatsApp, sending me messages about the final rent payment. Sometimes I get upset and am really just pleading back to him, other times I try to be as hard as I possibly can. It transpired he'd blocked my phone number (I didn't realise) and that was why he was using WhatsApp. He only goes on it to message me. On Monday, we had another discussion about the landlord, which went into another who was at fault for our breakup. I told him I knew I was, that I have to live with that guilt every single day and that I hope he meets someone who makes him happy as much as that hurts. He replied with a message saying he'd had the most fun with me that he's ever had with another person. That's the last I've heard from him.
Now that it's Christmas I've been distraught, I've cried every single day and pretty much ruined my families Christmas by being so miserable. I miss him all the time. I didn't message him at all, he goes on WhatsApp for a minute or so each day - I'm sure it's to check I haven't killed myself! I just can't even force a smile. I have nightmares nearly every night about him breaking up with me and when he left, my mind is overthinking the WhatsApp activity and him appearing to check up on me. On Christmas Day I sent a video message in the style of the Love Actually cue cards, telling him that I'll always be there for him, he didn't reply. But went on WhatsApp again. I wish he would just text, he doesn't drunk call, he doesn't text. So I know he's over it and I wish to God I could feel the same.
For the past four days each day I've just drove and drove usually on a 75 mile round trip to be on my own and get some space. Yesterday I saw a guy trying to jump from a motorway bridge and realised someone always feels worse. I'm seeing my counsellor on Monday so hopefully it'll help but I just feel like I need to get all of this out...typing on here helps. I just want to be over it like he is. It hurts so much.
Apologies for the long post.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Worst Christmas Ever...wondering if it'll ever get better
officeworker · 26/12/2014 19:53
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