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would this behaviour warrant a non molestation order?

(13 Posts)
IMNOTYOURBABES Fri 26-Dec-14 17:23:36

I have tried to keep things amicable throughout. Decree nisi has gone through. Trying to sort finances before decree absolute.

Emotional and financial abuse from ex H. I dropped the DCS off at ex house y'day (he usually picks them up from home but I thought I was doing him a favour?!)& was met with
a barrage if verbal abuse - misunderstanding about time etc.
I was getting the DCS things out of the car (hands full) & he was rubbing my head, messing my hair up, patting my back & calling me names.
It wasn't actual physical violence.
It was crossing boundaries. Touching me.
I need to find a way to make this stop.

AltheaVestrit Fri 26-Dec-14 20:49:53

I'm not sure, but if you get over to the 'Support for those being Emotionally Abused' thread, someone there could help.

hesterton Fri 26-Dec-14 20:54:24

I don't know the answer but I can totally understand why you would be absolutely fucking furious at that unwanted physical contact. How dare he.

WellWhoKnew Fri 26-Dec-14 21:02:41

Are you DIY-ing or are you solicitor led?

WellWhoKnew Fri 26-Dec-14 21:03:53

Sorry, that was brusque. I meant to say, that this affects the options available to you.

But yes, that is beyond acceptable.

thatsnotmynamereally Fri 26-Dec-14 21:44:47

Good idea to log all incidents, if they form a pattern of harassment it could strengthen your case. You can call NCDV and they will discuss with you whether they could help but I believe they can only help if there has been recent physical violence or threats of violence. Can you discuss this with police to determine whether he's doing anything illegal,or just to get it logged?

You can get a free consultation with a solicitor who could tell you what your options are. It may cost you around £1500+ to get a non mol in place. My solicitor hasn't advised me to get a mon-molestation simply because the only thing you gain is to have in writing certain things he cannot do with the threat of him being arrested if he does them. Whereas if he does assault you or harass you he should be arrestable anyway. Perhaps your solicitor could write him a letter clearly stating that the behaviour is unacceptable?

IMNOTYOURBABES Fri 26-Dec-14 21:48:20

Solicitor led ... & many thanks for replying
it's the creepy touching - him knowing i can't move away when I have my hands full.
He's babbling text nonsense at the moment.
How do I make a copy of texts? I have an android phone???

IMNOTYOURBABES Fri 26-Dec-14 21:51:34

Cheers thats
Not sure what to think now
sol said if I get non mol order I should get legal aid re domestic abuse??

TheGirlWhoPlayedWithFire Fri 26-Dec-14 21:55:56

Depends whether you would want the non-molestation order under Legal Aid.

If you wanted this to be done by a solicitor under the legal aid scheme, unfortunately there isn't enough evidence to suggest that you were a victim of domestic violence or are at future risk of violence. Please don't think that I am condoning your Ex's behaviour. I agree that his behaviour is unsettling and designed to intimidate you. But the legal aid agency changed their rules last year so that only victims of proven domestic violence can qualify. In these situations it's normally a conviction of violence from the respondent towards the applicant within the last 3 months (or 24 months if not urgent/without notice application).

If you wanted to pay for a solicitor to pursue an application then it may qualify especially if you feel the current behaviour of your ex is bordering on harassment and verbal abuse is degrading and inappropriate, and you feel intimidated enough during the hand over at contact. You will need to prepare a full and detailed statement with you solicitor to justify your reasons for a Non-Mol.

However at this stage I would advise you to contact the none emergency police line and report the behaviour. Verbal abuse and inappropriate touching should be reported even if under harassment. Make it clear to you ex and the police that it makes you fearful and uncomfortable. Any further incidents should also be logged, just in case you need to proceed with court action in the future or if child arrangement orders are currently being sought by either party. Proof of abuse will be vital in these situations. Best of luck with it OP

TheGirlWhoPlayedWithFire Fri 26-Dec-14 22:02:07

X-posts ImNot

If you can prove the evidence of DV legal aid will then be granted for future applications for child arrangements orders.

Proof of DV for a non mol is as follows;
Proof of recent investigation/conviction for DV.
Proof of involved services who deem you to be 'at risk' such as social services or other agencies. A letter from your GP confirming previous abuse or potential future abuse may also be sufficient.
If you have involvement from MARAC and are still deemed to be high risk of further violence and there are currently plans in place to deal with the respondent.

Harassment notices by the police are insufficient for non-mols/legal aid under DV rules.

However if you can prove any of the above the above please get evidence asap and get the non-molestation in place.

WellWhoKnew Fri 26-Dec-14 22:08:17

Yes and No. You're on dodgy ground as a) it comes down to whether you're eligible (financially speaking) for legal aid (irrespective of whether or not there's abuse). LA is impossible to get unless you're clearly in the criteria, e.g. the abuse is already there before the divorce shenanigans, you're broke, and it's recorded officially.

However, what he's doing is NOT acceptable. Also, I imagine, you feel very sensitive that your children are present so you can't react. That, to my mind, is why the "boundary" is being abused.

What I'd recommend is

a) think about how else handovers can be done (if at all), then ask your solicitor to write to him, using her 'legaltastic' terms to sound authoritative that it can't continue in the current manner and 'decree' how it's going to be going further.

b) If there's no intermediary you could use. Ask her to write that if the verbal abuse/physical contact continues, then it will give you 'no recourse' but to record handovers on your phone, or request witnesses do.

To get a Non-Mol, or any kind of court order, there has to be something to persuade a judge you are turning to him as a last resort. If you're solicitor-led, then it will be after they have tried to mollify him first. Does that make sense.

And also, please, don't entertain 'text nonsense'. Just 'No contact' beyond dates, facts, and times.

Take care.

EBearhug Fri 26-Dec-14 22:12:27

How do I make a copy of texts? I have an android phone???

Mine just stay on the phone, unless I delete them. However, you can take screen shots - depend on the model of your phone, but you can usually google "how to do screen shot on <phone model>". You can also google methods for saving texts from your phone model to a PC.

IMNOTYOURBABES Sat 27-Dec-14 07:24:22

Thank you for the advice. I have logged it with the police. Ironically I saw a doctor Christmas eve re anxiety, ex's behaviour etc. So that's all logged with the gp.
I did reply to the nonsense texts. Kicking myself now. He's still got the DCs they were supposed to be back y'day.

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