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what if DH dissappears?

(19 Posts)
Whatifhedoesit Fri 26-Dec-14 16:54:03

I do think that DH is plotting on walking out and dissapering.

Does anybody know what happens in such cases? can I get divorced? we have a joint house (mortgage paid off) and 3 DC (DC2 has SN and I am his main carer and cannot work due to his care needs/appointments).

It is probably a question for a solicitor but I wondered if anybody might still know. I would want to get a divorce and the house in my name so I can sell it and move closer to my family.

will make an appointment with a solicitor in the new year to discuss a lot of ifs anyways as the relationship is not sustainable but I do worry about him just dissappearing.

hydeparkhottie Fri 26-Dec-14 16:56:39

Why in the world would he do this?

Twitterqueen Fri 26-Dec-14 16:58:27

Make sure you keep track of all your bank and savings accounts.
Print out the latest statements if you can.
Take photocopies of any other account statements / pension funds etc. so you have a clear picture of all your joint finances.

I'm not sure why he would just disappear? He can't do that if he wants any money from the house and accounts so it's in his own interests not to do so.

Above all else, get legal advice asap.

Lweji Fri 26-Dec-14 16:58:37

Why do you think he is planning this?

If the worst happens, could you rent out your current house instead of selling?

Why not get a divorce now?

warysara Fri 26-Dec-14 17:00:21

You are not digging a big whole in the garden and when your husband 'disappears' using a thread like this to show that is what he was intending to do?


Meirasa Fri 26-Dec-14 17:01:05

You are planning for the disappearance of your husband. When this comes up on the eventual searches the police will do you your computer/ phone usage enjoy the conversation!!!

Have heard it all!!!!

Seriously if he is planning to disappear, and you know about it before he does, he must be well shit at planning and you'll find him in no time...

He will need to learn how to play hide and seek first.

hydeparkhottie Fri 26-Dec-14 17:01:29

tis a dark night.

Whatifhedoesit Fri 26-Dec-14 17:06:16

he struggles with live, the DC. one has very complex special needs - live is very tough. He just doesn't want all this chains attrached anymore. He comes from abroad so my guess it ge would bugger off to his home country.

not sure he will but he keeps threatening me with walking out and dissapearing sad

Lweji Fri 26-Dec-14 17:09:10

Get him out now and divorce him then.
Those threats are emotional abuse.

hydeparkhottie Fri 26-Dec-14 17:38:23

I have a DC with complicated SEN too.

I wish I had the luxury of disappearing but I don't. He's a father of children, he should have thought harder before having them. Not everyone in this world will have 'the perfect' baby. Every child is perfect in it's own right...but none of us were guaranteed anything.

If he stays and isn't much of a father to your children, then it's just as bad as him walking out. He is not entitled to an easy life, he is entitled to his responsibilities and life's reward is knowing that he upheld them honourably.

AliceinWinterWonderland Fri 26-Dec-14 17:50:00

Protect yourself. If it's a real concern, what state is your relationship even in?? I couldn't live with someone that threatened that regularly. My stbx made a couple vague statements of "I really thought about just walking away the other morning and disappearing." At that point, I was already preparing to separate as he was abusive, so I ignored the comment, as I suspect he was looking for a reaction.

Time to think about being a single parent, perhaps? And yes, I know it's difficult, I'm in a similar situation. But at least you know where things stand.

MehsMum Fri 26-Dec-14 17:50:38

not sure he will but he keeps threatening me with walking out and dissapearing
That's appalling: really bullying and overbearing, and constantly making you feel responsible for his behaviour. You should not have to put up with nonsense like this.

He needs to grow up. In case he doesn't, get copies of all key paperwork - marriage etc certs, bank statements, passports - and keep them somewhere safe.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Fri 26-Dec-14 17:50:56

Just divorce him now then

this is no way to live a life

SomethingAboutNothing Fri 26-Dec-14 18:10:17

Good idea to see a solicitor in the new year, the sooner the better. I would discuss your options for divorce as it doesn't sound a nice life to live (for you) as it stands.

familyofthree2014 Fri 26-Dec-14 18:18:28

Agree this is no life for you; wondering if / when he may suddenly disappear. I would personally want to take control of the situation.

From a legal point of view, I think you can divorce on grounds of abandonment but I believe you have to have been 'abandoned' for a minimum of two years.

Have you got family or friends nearby to offer any help with your children?

Whatifhedoesit Fri 26-Dec-14 18:32:30

thanks all.

will get legal advice in the new year. is just so much more daunting with a child with SN which will leave me unable to provide for us. sad

Haffdonga Fri 26-Dec-14 18:37:37

Do you have joint bank accounts?

Make your money safe from him now.

AliceinWinterWonderland Fri 26-Dec-14 18:47:54

Whatif Yes, it is daunting. But think of how much better stability you can provide as well. Both my dcs have SNs, and the care they need means that I am unable to work, which is frustrating, but at the moment that is where we are at. Eventually, hopefully, this will change as they get older, but I just have no way of knowing whether or not how things will go as so much depends on their progress and development. It's scary, no doubt, and it IS stressful - but not nearly as stressful as dealing with my stbx as well.

Whatifhedoesit Fri 26-Dec-14 18:53:21

no joint accounts. I don't have access to.his account, all paperless but he cannot have savings (knowing his income and the outgoings) .but will take copies of his pension statements.thanks for the tip.

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