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Any happily ever afters out there??

(15 Posts)
applesnbears Fri 26-Dec-14 12:17:40

Feeling low and would love to hear some uplifting happy endings from anyone who has been in a similar situation..

Ex left 2 months ago after a 10 year relationship.. Has already met someone new.. Just me and my 3yo DS now.. I'm only 25 and to put it bluntly I feel damaged.. I feel like no one would want me with all my parental responsibilities.. with my stretch marks.. With the debt ex has left me in etc. etc. just basically all the horrible things you tell yourself when you have zero self-esteem left.

Just need cheering up and to know this isn't the end.. Send some Xmas cheer my way ladies xx

pinkbear82 Fri 26-Dec-14 12:29:24

Sending a hug. It does and will get better. My ex threw me and our then 8 month old dd out 9 months ago. He is now settled with the ow and not a care in the world. After two years of them living a lie I'm sure it's lovely.

I couldn't see a way forward for a long time. It's been hard, no denying that. But. I am so much happier now, and so is dd. And that's so wonderful. Things are different, and there are still hard days. But keep going forward. You will find what is right for you and lo. And eventually who knows what will happen thanks

losthermind Fri 26-Dec-14 12:32:37

I was in an 8 year relationship with the bastard ex, he married the ow 3 months after we split up....it was 8 years of deceit,infidelity and misery when I look back, he was an utter utter shit, I wasn't even bothered that we weren't together anymore, i was more pissed off that he thought so little of our children to be such a dispicable human being, DS was 2 and DD was 5 their mummy and daddy where together one minute, then they have a stepmum the next......what a prick. Anyway I spent 4 years on my own bringing my children up without a single penny off the dick head, I moved 2 hours away from my town for better prospects and living for me and DC and met my lovely DP. We have been together for 3 years now, he's wonderful with DC and we found out on Christmas eve that we are expecting our first baby together grin, everything is raw right now and you haven't even begun to get to grips with the situation you have been put in, but you will get through it, your beautiful son will be your sunshine, he doesn't deserve either of you. It will not be easy but you will get through it xxx

Tobyjugg Fri 26-Dec-14 12:35:26

If you'll take some good wishes from a male MNer have mine. You have come to the right place - there are any number of MNers who have been in the same situation as you and got their loves back on track and with a better quality of partner too. It seems bad now but it will improve.

LiDLrichardsPistachioSack Fri 26-Dec-14 12:41:15

My best friend has 2 DC from different dads, loads of stretch marks, mega baggage from the separation from her youngest's father (abuse, mh probs)...a few years ago after being on her own for a while she reconnected with an old friend of ours. Long story short they are married with a 9 month old and they are so in love it's disgusting. smile

Life is mysterious. You never know what's around the corner.

MozzchopsThirty Fri 26-Dec-14 12:49:49

Oh please be positive, there is so much great stuff out there when you're ready smile

Last xmas was the first one without my ex, the dcs went to him afternoon and I was left with my narc mother hmm

Forward a year, I've made new friends, taken my dcs on a long haul holiday alone, had some hilarious dates and am now with an amazing man who has really opened my eyes to how a relationship should be.

Be patient, it's early days, I would say 18m is typical of when you will start accepting your amazing new life and will move on truly.

Good luck, and be excited grin I've had an amazing year

MozzchopsThirty Fri 26-Dec-14 12:51:22

Oh and I have 3dc by two different men, stretch marks, c-section scar etc etc, which by your estimation makes me undateable gringringrin

Fingeronthebutton Fri 26-Dec-14 12:55:28

Oh you poor little thing to feel like this at your age. I am old enough to be your Grandmother so I have seen a lot of life and have had many heartbreaks myself. But if there is one mantra that I always say to myself, it is this: This too will pass. And it does. I wish you well

bigbrownshoes Fri 26-Dec-14 12:58:03

My ex played the role for many years of being the ideal partner and I trusted him and was all loved up and happy and he was genuinely my best friend. We had a great sex life to boot and he was always telling me how stunning I was and how lucky he was and he'd just proposed and we were trying for a baby. I'd just had my coil removed.

Then I went on his computer to print something out and found out he'd been a member of a sex affairs website and had been shagging OW behind my back for over a year, including hookers and he's been having webcam sex with people when I was asleep.

When I confronted him he lied and begged at first, but quickly turned nasty. He moved out and basically acted like I had never even existed, just erased me like a bad mistake after 5 years and said the most awful things to me and about me to try and destroy me on his way out the door. He wasn't even sorry and has no remorse.

He now wants financial support from ME for debts in his name.confused

I'm not even close to recovered and am badly damaged, but life does go on. I'm determined to GET better. I'm a lot older than you and feel really worried my chance is gone now but I am sure it's not.

We get lots of chances.

LoafersOrLouboutins Fri 26-Dec-14 18:54:12

Yep, exDH fucked off to Iran leaving me with two very traumatised DDs wondering where their DF had gone, a mortgage I could barely afford, stretchmarks and saggy boobs, the constant fear he would come back and take our DDs to Iran with him and a lot of emotional guilt. I left London to be closer to my parents and for a fresh start (so I didn't have to bump into people who knew ExDH). I'm now 14 weeks pregnant and very loved up with a former colleague, it was a rocky start and the pregnancy was a surprise but I couldn't be happier. He's fantastic with my DDs and we're considering moving back to London. It will get better smileflowers

applesnbears Sat 27-Dec-14 13:06:09

Thanks all. Everything just seems so bleak at the moment. Ex actually said over Xmas well I can't believe you haven't met anyone yet.. It's been 2 months!!! Just cause he can clearly move on that easy. Never mind where would I actually meet anyone when I'm always at home with our DS!

VelmaD Sat 27-Dec-14 13:53:35

it does get better, honest. my exh left me in 2009 with 2 young children, no money, etc. It took time, years to rebuild myself and be happy enough on my own to contemplate bringing anyone else into my life, although I did date a bit. But this Christmas I just spent with my wonderful boyfriend and our joint families, weve been together about 1.5years now and are heading away for a break the two of us next week too. happier than ive ever been.

dont rush anything. mourn what you had, what youve lost. build your life up, so its your life and not dependant on any man. find things you like, enjoy your own company, find new friends. then youll find everything else just clicks into place.

VelmaD Sat 27-Dec-14 13:55:24

my exh got together with his girlfriend 12 months after we split. i spent 3 years being patronised of "ill find someone soon". grit your teeth and thank god hes an ex.

Justwanttomoveon Sat 27-Dec-14 14:06:30

It does get better, split with ex 9 months ago, was a complete mess for first couple of months, although I haven't met a new partner (like you I never go anywhere to meet people as I have a 4 year old), my head is in a much better place, I really thought I'd never even smile again let alone be happy but I am, there's areas of my life which need improving and I'm working on them but all in all I'm better now than I have been for 20 years.
Ignore his comments, you will feel better eventually, that is a guarantee.
Its a slow process, I didn't think I was getting any better but there were small signs I was improving (laughing at some comedy on tv, not waking up and ex being the first thing I thought about).
A couple of weeks ago I literally woke up and thought 'I really do not give a toss' and that's how I've been since. It probably has helped that I am nc with ex.
Give your self time, you are grieving, it's totally natural to feel the way you do.

Sickoffrozen Sat 27-Dec-14 14:15:40

I think the first thing to accept is that happiness does not always have to come through having a partner.

You can't have much relationship experience having been with this guy since 15!

Spend some time just finding yourself and enjoying things with family, friends and your child and if you plan to date, do it casually at first. I think a lot of people rush into rebound relationships after a painful break up.

He will have checked out of your relationship well before you actually split up hence being able to move on quickly.

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