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How do I stop myself falling for someone?

(7 Posts)
StopppIt Fri 26-Dec-14 08:38:04

I find myself falling for someone.
There is one major reason I shouldn't - there is a small possibility that reason might be changeable but, I don't want to be hanging on for that small possibility.
Also, I think we're both just a bit lonely and happen to get on really well, is that enough to start a relationship on?
I'm still getting over the pain of a previous relationship and wish I could just slow my feelings down so it wasn't so easy for me to have feelings for someone else. I need to protect my damaged, bruised heart. I'm terrified of it being broken again.
I feel like I'm not in control of my feelings - any tips on how to exert at least a little control?

FolkGirl Fri 26-Dec-14 09:15:35

Tell yourself that he's married and that's not going to change any time soon; that even if he left her for you, he'd then be the sort of man who'd cheat on his wife; that a relationship with someone who's just left an unhappy marriage is always a bad idea. Physically brace yourself against the feelings of 'falling for him'. Don't indulge it when you do think about him - stop and do something else. Distract yourself with other things.

Because I'm guessing the major reason is his marriage and the small chance is next to none.

AuntieStella Fri 26-Dec-14 09:17:46

Is the reason that the OM/OW is married/attached?

You seem to be saying that a relationship is definitely 'no go' territory. So you must not go there.

So reduce/end contact with this person (and the prospect of pain). What else can you bring into your life (friends, groups, hobbies) that will strengthen you and help you heal?

StopppIt Fri 26-Dec-14 09:39:24

We're both single and have been for a while.

It's more a matter of sexuality which is why I've not given the sex of either of us.

FolkGirl Fri 26-Dec-14 09:53:49

Well if you don't want to fall for them, the advice still stands.

StopppIt Fri 26-Dec-14 10:00:52

Thanks. Am trying to distract myself.
We both really enjoy each other's company and want to keep building a friendship. I don't meet people who I really like very often so I am loathe to throw away this friendship. I suppose I just need to keep my head in the friendship and ignore other feelings.

JollyJingle Fri 26-Dec-14 10:37:55

If it's a same sex relationship then keep the friendship and if the other person has a similar orientation these feelings will probably come out in the end if he/she feels the same. Alternatively just say I'm gay and I value your friendship and see how it goes. I could of course be barking up the wrong tree! We all have friends and their sexual orientation usual doesn't make any difference.

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