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Feeling sorry for myself. And also angry with myself for being ungrateful.

(12 Posts)
CalleighDoodle Thu 25-Dec-14 11:46:59

Me and the H are separated. Over a year. He said he wants to go to counselling after Xmas for us to see if we can fix whats broken. I agree. He has always been pretty thoughtless and an unreliable husband.

Anyway i asked some time ago if we were getting each other xmas gifts, or just gifts from the children. He said both!

This morning i gve him a number of items that were very specific to his interets and likes that he seemed to really like. I put a lot of time, thought and effort into choosing each one. Main one from me was engraved.

He got me anti-blemish skin care stuff. I was very 'thanks this is great!'for a bit, Then asked about whether it was from him or the children. He said both. Joint present.

First im a bit upset its a gift set, so no effort an little thought. Secondly, its for spots! Thirdly, he said gift from each other AND gift from kids.

I feel like a dont matter to anyone. My parents put £30 in an envelope. But i did get a lovely necklace from secret santa.

Im angry at myself for feeling upset. Im an adult if i want suff i can buy it myaelf. I guess im upset as its pbviously so thoughtless and a demonstration that actually he doesnt care and the talk of counselling was just to get to spend xmas eve, xmas day and boxing day as a family.

This is probably in the wrong place. I dont actually know why im posting or what i want / expect people to say. Im an ungrateful cow expecting more than i should.

Vinomcstephens Thu 25-Dec-14 11:58:50

You're not an ungrateful cow in the slightest - your ex husband can talk the talk but it takes more than words to repair a broken relationship and he's not been prepared to put the effort in and I'm so sorry that you've been disappointed like this.

I think you should look on this as him giving you the best present of all - confirmation that he's a twat and you're going to be so much happier without him. I hope so, and I hope you have a lovely day despite him smile

Nomama Thu 25-Dec-14 12:04:00

As they say around here - he has told you quite clearly who he is.

If this is what you get when he is trying, then you were absolutely right to label him thoughtless.

Forget the rest, I haven't had a present for a few years now, don't really miss them any more. I just had to make that child --> adult adjustment without throwing too much of a strop smile

oswellkettleblack Thu 25-Dec-14 12:04:24

WTAF? Do NOT waste ANY more time with this thoughtless twat. He bought you fucking spot treatment for Christmas? When someone tells you who they are, believe them. He is a lazy, selfish, thoughtless person. What an arsehole.

Be grateful you see the light rather than feel the slightest bit guilty he has, again, treated you with zero consideration or respect.

He is still thoughtless and unreliable. Let him know, tonight, there will be no counselling, and you are giving yourself a gift: of life without such a thoughtless person in your life.

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 25-Dec-14 12:05:19

Save the counselling money and spend it on yourself!

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 25-Dec-14 12:13:55

And no, you're not ungrateful. If you buy someone a gift - anyone, let alone the person you supposedly love and want yo win back - you should consider what they might actually like.

tribpot Thu 25-Dec-14 12:38:26

He has always been pretty thoughtless and an unreliable husband.

Correct. That doesn't show any sign of changing, does it? The present really was an example of 'it's the thought that counts' and he put zero thought into your present, or even remembered the previous discussion about what to get each other.

JuanDirection Thu 25-Dec-14 12:50:42

Some people are just rubbish at gifts though. Maybe he did really think about it, and this is what he really thought you would like and would use. Obviously, maybe it's the complete opposite but I hope not. You're not wrong to be disappointed though, you can't help that. x

oswellkettleblack Thu 25-Dec-14 12:52:12

No, they are 'rubbish' because they are as thoughtless and unreliable as the OP's husband.

CalleighDoodle Thu 25-Dec-14 12:57:28

It is the brand i use, which is what made me think it is me being ungrateful and that my expectations were just too high.

When i allow myself to be honest with myself, i know he doesnt care about me. Im clinging on i guess because marriage is for life and we have two children.

I guess i should have the counselling kyself to get me through.

Thanks for your support, especially as it is christmas day!

CalleighDoodle Thu 25-Dec-14 12:58:21

I meant its the brand of make up i use. I dont tend to buy spot treatment facial care things.

oswellkettleblack Thu 25-Dec-14 13:42:40

' Im clinging on i guess because marriage is for life and we have two children.'

It's not when one person checks out by being a wet noodle. Get real. Life is for living, not for being miserable with a wanker who is thoughtless and unreliable.

Life is too short berating yourself for being 'ungrateful' when someone who should be sitting down to dinner with you instead throws you table scraps.

Don't go to counselling with this person.

You've been separated over a year.

It's over.

He's shown you who he is. Again. How much more do you need?

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