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(41 Posts)
AndreaKaren123 Wed 24-Dec-14 03:34:15

I have been with my partner for nearly 18 months..... In April this year I found out that he had been on dating sites. Texting other woman. I found some conversations on his lap top even on his phone. I admit I was snooping. But I had a gut feeling. Up to this point I was so much in love with him. He gave me a future .....
When I asked him about it he said his laptop had been hacked etc etc.
From time to time I found more messages on his phone. .. I have to say it all hit me like a freight train.
His behaviour changed towards me . Very noticeable to me... but not to him. He still claims even as far as last night to be the same person towards me ...
I will put my hands up and say I couldn't let thus drop. took over my thoughts every thing .... every time he got his phone out ...
Any way moving on from there ... For the past 4 months or so I have been talking about getting our relationship back on track....
He does not chat to me
Show me any affection
Sends me 1 text after I have sent him 1.
Stays up in lounge till 11 o clock plus watching boxing or foot ball. But also chatting with friends.
Does not make love to me ....
Has not come shopping with me ... in fact we don't go out together any more. If he goes to see his sons he goes without me. He stays at his friends house over night. There is a parts of his life I am included in .
I am crying all the time. My hair is falling out heart broken

18675ag Wed 24-Dec-14 03:35:41

He is a tosser my sweet, he doesn't care about you, get rid x

AndreaKaren123 Wed 24-Dec-14 03:36:29

So sad

18675ag Wed 24-Dec-14 03:40:04

Yea it is sad my lovely but u deserve soo much better than this and there is a man put there who will treat u with respect and love not like this believe me x

GingerbreadPudding Wed 24-Dec-14 03:41:25

This is a horrible place for you to be. He's cruel. End it now before more of your time is spoilt by being with him.

AndreaKaren123 Wed 24-Dec-14 04:31:40

Thank you for your comments. Means a lot to me xxx

FolkGirl Wed 24-Dec-14 05:19:37

He's not worth it. Read your OP back. Why didn't you just dump him when you found he'd been unfaithful in the first place?

There isn't a relationship to get back on track. He clearly benefits in some way from being with you, or he wouldn't be. But you? What is the benefit to you?

He doesn't love you, you need to move on.

JeanSeberg Wed 24-Dec-14 05:21:43

Let me guess he's moved into your own rent-free.

CogitOIOIO Wed 24-Dec-14 07:27:13

I'm sorry you're so upset but w What you're d

CogitOIOIO Wed 24-Dec-14 07:31:15

(Whoops!) I'm sorry you're so upset but what you're describing is a relationship where there is no trust and no connection. What you want - a faithful, attentive, affectionate man who is working hard to restore your trust - and what you've got are so far apart that it's causing you horrible stress. It's the end of the road I'm afraid. End the relationship, get your confidence back and lose the stress. Good luck

NoRoomAtTheGin Wed 24-Dec-14 09:28:49

I'm guessing that he cocklodges with you?? I cannot fathom why after April when you found the messages to other women on various 'hacked' devices that you are still with him?

Theres no good time to finish a relationship, but you'll be happier without him. You would not let a friend treat you like this would you?

LadyBlaBlah Wed 24-Dec-14 09:45:49

I've been with my bf 18 months too and we are still in honeymoon phase where everything is exciting and lovely and fantastic.

Your relationship sounds the pits. I don't get it, if I found bf on dating sites after, what 8 months of being together, he'd have been gone, without question or probably even discussion. You barely even know him at this point, even 18 months is nothing really - as I say you can still be in honeymoon period! (Doesn't sound like you had much of one of those hmm)

What is actually stopping you dumping him??

Vivacia Wed 24-Dec-14 10:10:03

I'm thinking along the lines of LadyBla a boyfriend of only 18 months should not have brought this much unhappiness.

hellsbellsmelons Wed 24-Dec-14 10:21:09

Please contact Womens Aid and sign up to do their Freedom Programme.
You need to see that this is just completely unacceptable and you should not be putting up with it.
Why are you putting up with it?
You get absolutely nothing out of this. Only unhappiness and stress.
Pack his bags up right now.
Kick him out and find some peace and happiness on your own.
This is NOT a relationship.

AskMeAnother Wed 24-Dec-14 10:24:08

Ten months in, you knew he was actively seeking contact/making contact with other women, and you didn't leave him then?

Make up for that mistake by leaving him now. And forgetting him completely.

ShipwreckedAndMerrilyComatose Wed 24-Dec-14 10:27:45

So sad to read sad and especially at Christmas. You really do deserve, and can have, so much more than this. Please leave. You New Year resolution to give yourself only the very best x

AndreaKaren123 Fri 26-Dec-14 11:16:08

You are right LadyBlahBlah. .. I have said that many times. .. we should be on our honey moon.

AndreaKaren123 Fri 26-Dec-14 11:28:54

Where can you go to make new friends. .

itwillgetbettersoon Fri 26-Dec-14 11:40:01 - Lots of local meets such as salsa dancing, walking, cinemas etc etc etc. Good place to start making new friends. Online dating can be fun but you need to be in a confident place as it can be ruthless.

Dump him. He is not partnership material and spend some time getting to know and love yourself. Take up a new hobby - I took up running and joined a running club. Park run is full of lovely fit men!!

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 26-Dec-14 11:50:48

Any way moving on from there

Yes - get rid of him! FFS why waste any more time?

Where can you go to make new friends

You can make new friends almost anywhere, but when you are wasting time trying to 'get back on track; with this loser, you are wasting time that you could spend on your own or meeting new people. Don't make that mistake!

AndreaKaren123 Sat 27-Dec-14 17:34:56

So yesterday we went to his son's and his girl friends house .....
There whilst waiting the lovely food , my partner! Says this is the best gammon I have tasted. So I said you don't like mine then .....

tippytap Sat 27-Dec-14 17:38:06

Ffs. Are you reading the replies to this thread? Have you read your own OP?

Leave the bastard.

YellowTulips Sat 27-Dec-14 17:43:55

Ditch the fucker and keep your hair.

Seriously no man is worth this sweetheart.

Relationships are meant to positively impact your life not leave you feeling the way you do.

He's not "all that" - he's a selfish prick and you are worth MOREthanks

AndreaKaren123 Sat 27-Dec-14 17:53:28

He use to text me when he was on break. ... now nothing.
I am reading what people put. I am very grateful for the replies. They help me sort it out . X

AndreaKaren123 Sat 27-Dec-14 17:54:28

I don't want to be alone

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