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I never know if it's my fault or mutual.

(4 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 23-Dec-14 23:52:29

When my relationships fall to pieces I spend too much time blaming myself for their demise. I will literally analyse it for hours/ days. Even if the guy wasn't treating me quite right I internalise this and blame myself.

It would be nice just to accept a mutual incompatibility. My last relationship ended as get had failed to communicate ( yet again) when e said get would and I ended up going out to a club and sending a pissed off text at midnight. Nor classy. I wanted it to end on good terms but now he's pissed off with me. And I do care about him...I just always felt insecure. bugger.

CogitOIOIO Wed 24-Dec-14 00:04:33

Wnating to end on good terms just means that you are far too concerned what others think. If you're going to do something decisive like ending a bad relationship, you can't expect to be popular and everyone's mate at the same time. That's the price of assertiveness and self respect.

superstarheartbreaker Wed 24-Dec-14 00:15:47

Thanks Cognito. You always have good advice. I think the reason why I want it to be on good terms is that I think he's the most amazing guy. But just shit at communication.

FolkGirl Wed 24-Dec-14 05:08:58

At the risk of sounding a bit heartless, superstar, I suspect he wouldn't have been rubbish at communication if he'd been really serious about you.

I'm terrible at keeping in touch with some people; certain old university friends, work colleagues, parents of my children's friends, men who asked me out that I didn't fancy but became friends with... all have fallen away over the years because I'm just crap at keeping in touch and maintaining communications...

But a man I'm really interested in? Never.

My last boyfriend was also crap at communication. I felt dreadful through most of the relationship and actually, after finally having enough and ending it, I've realised that if he had really loved me, then his behaviour wouldn't have made me feel like shit.

He was also a lovely man and he occasionally emails to tell me he misses me. But I don't reply. At the very least we were incompatible. It didn't work with this man, there's no need to try and be friends with him.

Have you read He's Just Not That Into You? I think you might find it helpful.

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