Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How can I change how I feel (permanently)

(5 Posts)
goingbackwards Tue 23-Dec-14 19:55:14

It's probably the time of year but I'm fed up. I've name changed as I can't face linking my past pathetic posts with this one. I divorced this year, my ex husband cheated like an pro 4 years ago, I was totally unaware until the day he came home from a holiday with the OW and he promptly left me. Devastated doesn't come close to how I've felt, but nowadays I'm generally a lot better.

What's set me back, I think, is that he's announced he's marrying OW early next year. I hadn't set eyes on him since last January, but v recently I went to a family do and he was there with his fiancée (she was the OW), it's the first time I've been in the same place as her ever, and he seemed relaxed and looked happy. He never spoke to me (we were married 33 years), but introduced himself to my boyfriend (I met him a year after XH went).

So, I set eyes on him once, and I'm really messed up again, I miss him and still think he was the one person I should have been with until the day one of us died. I think about him way too much.

I know this is totally mad, and I don't understand what that says about my feelings for my boyfriend (I would say I love him, but it is very different to how I felt about my ex-husband). Or indeed my sanity. I just don't know how to change my thinking.

There, said it!

CurlyWurlyCake Tue 23-Dec-14 20:01:06

Unfortunatly it is still very early days. 33 years of marriage is a life time to devot to someone who then fucks you over.

Do you have friends to support you?

Take those rose tinted glasses off and see him for the low life cheating wank badger that he is.

goingbackwards Tue 23-Dec-14 20:25:11

He left 4 years ago, I really don't think I should still feel like this, but I do still miss him. I want to not do that. I feel like a big let down to all the women who are also pulling themselves out of the depths, and to be honest I am tons better than I was. It has helped to be able to say it, all my family & friends think I'm totally over it. I've believed in the fake it till you make it, it's just seeing them both has set me back. Damn those rosy glasses.

FreudianStockingFiller Tue 23-Dec-14 20:46:03

Oh I think I know how you feel OP because 4 years down the line I feel very much the same as you do about my ex h.

I still love him, always will. I think about him most days one way or another. I don't know what that says about me but I refuse to believe there's something wrong with still having feelings for someone who we loved so deeply and with such commitment. It says a lot about us that we can still feel that way and it doesn't mean we don't move on and embrace new experiences with new people. It doesn't mean ex's can still bust our boundaries. It doesn't mean we forget what they did. It means we're real, OP, and what we gave was real.

FWIW I think it's ok to miss him, how can your feelings be wrong? They just are smile

lemisscared Tue 23-Dec-14 20:51:52

tbh i don't see how you couldn't feel this way after being with someone for most of your life. how sad that he couldn't talk to you sad i think what you are feeling is natural but that it will fade relatively quickly . acknowledge it then remember that you too have moved on with a new dp in a new chapter of your life.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now