Gradually over the last year I have accepted that DC's dad was - and is - abusive. We've been separated for over three years; I ended the relationship after he went to hit me whilst I was holding DC. Last year he tried to kill me. Following this he was only allowed supervised contact as ordered by SS. We've just finished in the court system where the CAFCASS officer backed down on all the points he made in his report, and the magistrates restarted unsupervised contact, including overnights.
This is obviously a compressed version of events.
Someone else has been doing handovers since then (as well as having done the supervision before things were changed) so I haven't had to have any direct contact with him, aside from a coffee I had to have recently to discuss DC staying over, as last time he had DC, DC was still in nappies and using a dummy.
He is still of the mindset that he did nothing wrong, despite having accepted a caution from the police, and the court ruling that DV was irrelevant has only increased this.
I'm finding this really difficult to get my head around. I keep doubting myself and the decisions I have made. Quotes from the personal statements both he and his mother made to the court feel like they're burnt into my brain. Meeting with him recently was necessary (I could only manage him / the conversation if it was face to face, or knew he would twist everything and pretend I'd never told him) but damaging to my progress. I'm in a new, healthy relationship, but all of the damage done by exP seems to be never ending. I know DF isn't anything like exP, but I'm so on edge all the time waiting for red flags. Not even the possibility of them - I feel like it HAS to happen at some point. Things were fine until after the final court hearing where my head was completely messed with. I'm frightened that the damage he's done to the way I view myself, other people, and any relationship will never be repaired. He successfully isolated me from almost anyone during the time we were together, and I'm still recovering from that.
The latest is him getting very antagonistic about a birthday party DC is going to on one of his weekends. It's a lunch time party so I have suggested he collects DC a little while after the party finishes, which is only a few hours after he's supposed to be collecting. He's given me 'permission this time, but don't go making a habit of it'. By the end of the text exchange (I stayed clam but unmoving, saying it was important for DC to attend the party) he twisted it around, finishing with telling me I shouldn't turn it into an argument because it's Christmas. Once again i'm doubting my sanity.
I don't know exactly why I'm posting. Understanding from people who have been there, mutual support for those that are going through it - I looked at the 'support for emotional abuse' thread but felt like I didn't quite belong, with it being the after affects that are causing the issues. Realizing the impact and severity of the abuse is a difficult progress.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Sometimes just saying everything helps.
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Recovering From Abuse
6 replies
VoldysGoneMouldy · 23/12/2014 16:55
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