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Sex after childbirth/episiotomy

(18 Posts)
Slugsandsnails2014 Tue 23-Dec-14 12:43:32

Im hoping for some reassurance because at the moment im scared I'll never be able to have sex again...and that DS will be an only child!

Gave birth 10 weeks ago-ended up having an episiotomy in order to facilitate ventouse delivery, thankfully there was no other tearing and as far as im aware i've healed well-it certainly all looks and feels normal down there
DH and I tried to have intercourse 7 wks after the birth but it was almost impossible due to the pain-he couldnt get it in more than about an inch without me wincing. DH is very very understanding and isnt pressuring me at all, but I want us to be intimate again

I guess im just looking for any advice but also reassurance that this is normal and will change?! At what point should I see my GP?
Doesnt help that everything is a bit 'dry'.....having to use loads of lubrication sad

Sorry if all a bit TMI and thanks for reading!

tracyreader Tue 23-Dec-14 12:58:14

I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear with my first, but all healed nicely. We were having sex again by 6 weeks. But generally I heal fast.

I'd give it a go now it's 3 weeks later, with plenty of artificial lubricant and foreplay, and if it's still hurting then talk to your GP?

Notmeagain1 Tue 23-Dec-14 13:15:07

I had the same problem after a total hysterectomy 2 yrs ago. It took several attempts before we were successful.blush

It was almost like being a virgin again. BTW, DH loved it (because he said I felt like a virgin must -he had never been with one before )

Give it another go and have fun. Dont be stressed that causes the muscles to tense up. flowers

donkir Tue 23-Dec-14 13:26:43

I had a third degree tear 12years ago and sex was impossible. The doctor 6 months down the line couldn't even get the tip of his finger in.
I was sent to hospital where I had it recut and restitched and was back to "normal" after 6 weeks.

LoveAfternoonTea Tue 23-Dec-14 13:28:57

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but I gave birth 8 months ago with episiotomy and 3rd degree tear, and sex still hurts sad. On the upside, it's getting better, and I can now get through it rather than having to give up. So I think it's just a matter of time. Lots of time unfortunately.......

Joysmum Tue 23-Dec-14 13:30:42

Daft question, but when you tried having sex, were you in a position where you could control the penetration?

When you next feel ready to try, choose a position where you're the one in control and he stays still until you work out your limits.

JuanDirection Tue 23-Dec-14 15:35:40

I'd give it a few weeks and try again. I had an episiotomy too. You do need lots of lube (and maybe a glass of wine)! And it might take some getting back into - like exercise if you haven't done it in a while! Just do a little bit, very gently and work it up over time. If you don't see progress then go back to the GP in another maybe 6-8 weeks.

CoodleMoodle Tue 23-Dec-14 15:46:16

I had this exact problem, and 9 months on it's so much better. Still not as easy as it was before DD but much better than when we first tried at 8ish weeks! I think having an understanding partner is the most important thing, as DH took it at my pace, letting me control the speed and angle, etc. I found the actual entry the most uncomfortable bit, and then it was fine afterwards. Lots of lube and try different positions. You're definitely not alone in this.

Agree with PPs saying see your GP if it's still uncomfortable in a couple of weeks.

midnight1983 Tue 23-Dec-14 15:48:43

I had epistiotomy as I had a forceps delivery. We waited 4 months as I couldn't face it. I remember feeling we would never have sex again, but when we finally did it was great and all the better for having waited. Good luck and congrats smile

Stoneysilence Tue 23-Dec-14 15:54:44

Can I aks a question - do you breastfeed? I had the same issue (painful sex after episiotomy) and I'm convinced it was only when I stopped BF when DD was 1yo that things dramatically improved. Not for a second recommending stopping breastfeeding - just that, there is light at the end of the (rather long) tunnel!

Failing that, have a couple of glasses of wine and use lube. Good luck!

KittyandTeal Tue 23-Dec-14 15:58:28

I had almost exactly the same.

I have to say we dtd after 8 weeks or so. Lots of lube and I gritted my teeth tbh. Told DH to keep going poor chap and got it done!

Once I'd done it once it got much easier each time. It was a while before a stopped gasping on entry but it's all back to normal now except now we're not allowed to have sex as I'm pregnant again and suffer unexplained bleeding

Slugsandsnails2014 Tue 23-Dec-14 16:44:00

Thanks for all the replies! Good to know there is light at the end of the tunnel, I guess we'll keep trying but perhaps vary the positions etc

Stoney-yes am exclusively breastfeeding, wonder if its something hormonal then? I know that ebf is supposed to act (to a certain degree) as s contraceptive but didnt think it would be this literal!!

JuanDirection Tue 23-Dec-14 17:41:31

Breastfeeding can tend to affect your natural lubrication, so if you're bf you might find lube a big help (like you already have, I think).

Marmiteandjamislush Tue 23-Dec-14 18:00:06

First of all OP, try not to panic. 10 wks post baby is not that long, even without intervention, so this is nowhere near a never again situation. Secondly, you can get back together in other ways, so try exploring some of those if you feel ready. Lastly, as others have said speak to your midwife/health visitor/gp, they will be able to tell you if there's anything that needs more attention. I know it can all seem a bit bonkers now, but it will all settle down and you will feel in control again, which may help you relax and make it less painful.

skinnyamericano Tue 23-Dec-14 18:08:55

I had the same sort of delivery as you - it took 6 months to manage full intercourse again.

Part of the problem was psychological; I kept getting flashbacks to the birth at the wrong moment! But I went for a check up after 4/5 months with the GP who said that there was still redness and everything hadn't fully healed.

Eventually I managed to relax and after persisting for a while, it was absolutely fine.

With subsequent children, I haven't had any problems at all.

BalloonSlayer Tue 23-Dec-14 18:30:19

In case it is in any was reassuring I had 3 caesareans and so no stitching whatsoever "where the sun don't shine" and each time I found sex very painful indeed for the first few months. It was as if a layer of skin was missing. In my case it must have been hormonal.

At my 6 week postnatal check with DC1 the GP decided to do a smear test as I was due one. I nearly went through the roof with the pain. He said it must be a result of childbirth, and he was confused and I was blush when I pointed out that due to my c-section there couldn't have been any damage. He thought it was hormonal - well what else could it have been in my case?

eatyourveg Tue 23-Dec-14 18:55:06

episiotomy with 3rd degree tear here too - gave myself a target of 6 weeks before even attempting anything - it was a slowly, slowly little by little approach - so what if its only an inch to start with - remember its not a race and dh was very gentle for at least a couple of months. Don't remember any lube problems confused

mumteedum Tue 23-Dec-14 18:57:27

Go see gp if doesn't improve. I had to have laser treatment as I'd scarred badly. Treatment was painless and helped but I didn't have understanding hb tho.

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