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Practical ideas to get over heartbreak? Please help me out!(17 Posts)
Title says it all really. Just split up with my boyfriend and feeling absolutely heartbroken about it. Internet just says it will take time, but I was wondering if you wise women of mumsnet have any practical ideas in the meantime?
Have dd so can't go out and distract myself, met up with a friend who made me feel better and convinced me the break up was the right thing. So what now? Ideas gratefully received
Keep busy! Take DD out to do lots of different things, have friends over if you can't go out in the evening. You will get through this
Hard physical exercise - get the endorphins going. Also getting yourself fit is a good 'project' which can be helpful. If you can't get out of the house, how about getting some exercise DVDs. Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred is excellent
Agree with the PPs. It takes time to get over a break up and all you can usefully do is find enough distractions to fill the days until you feel better. Be as sociable as possible because it can help to talk to friends. Reduce the amount of down time you have because idle minds tend to wallow and obsess. Be physically active either engaging in exercise or taking on projects at home. Redecorating can be therapeutic for example
Yep, throw yourself into distractions - ideally the kind that will make you feel good about yourself, like friends, exercise, and creative projects. Any time invested in fulfilling pursuits is time NOT spent mulling over your heartbreak.
Time will do the rest.
You will get through this.
This may sound a bit bonkers but in line with the decorating I went and bought new bedding. Money was tight but I found some lovely stuff in asda. It was bedding he had never seen so it was like closing little doors one at a time.
sadly the passing of time is still the best healer but exercise will release endorphins as ocelot says. It helped me.
I'm 3 months on. Christmas is making me feel a bit mopey but for the last 6 weeks I have mainly been thinking 'fucking twat' rather than weeping into my cornflakes!
Thank you all so much for your comments. In work this morning trying not to cry at my desk
and failing miserably as he used to text me all the time I keep automatically checking my phone for messages and can't turn it off as dd is with her dad.
Nirvisna - I will take your advice and take dd shopping when I pick her up, she is wanting a new lampshade for her bedroom anyway. Joined SW last Tuesday anyway, so that will take up most of the evening after that. Just dreading going to bed and laying there with my thoughts...
Ocelot - I do actually have the 30 day shred, I will dig it out and start it in the morning if you think that will help.
Cogit - not sure I'm any good at redecorating I might pick up some new things for the house when I'm out shopping tonight, I suppose new things around the house that don't remind me of him would be good?
Thanks goats, I'll text some friends - just difficult at this time of year as everyone is so busy with their own lives, aren't they?
Frog - it's really good to know you're in a better position 3 months on and love the bedding idea, actually saw some in matalan at the weekend I should go buy tonight as the stuff I've got will just remind me of all the times we spent in bed together...good plan
I know the break up is for the best, but just feel like I am mourning the future that we had planned that is no longer going to happen
Thanks again for all the suggestions so far and if you have any more please keep them coming...
If you are checking your phone to see if he's text/called, maybe blocking his number will help.
It is like mourning your future - completely agree with that. I redecorated the house, moved furniture around and bought new very colourful bedding. Watch crap on telly you never did when he was around, eat all the food he never liked, lean on your friends, say yes to every invite you possibly can do, I bought a bike and got fit, signed up to do a degree and bought a very cheap new wardrobe of clothes. All took many months but was all about eradicating him and re-finding myself. Cliché - but really helped.
For once, the internet is right....time is the only thing that works. But time can drag, so - as the others have said - try to stay busy even if your heart is not in whatever you are doing. Fake it till you make it, as they say!
But really important....give yourself permission to grieve. You are allowed to be upset, to cry and to feel dreadful. Not only is it totally normal, I would say it is healthy and natural, no matter how crap it feels.
Hang on in there, it will get better. Guaranteed.
And yes, consider blocking his number on your phone. That little jolt of disappointment you feel every time you look and there's no message is prolonging the agony, and you don't need that.
As above, time heals all, stay busy.
i found the following helpful,
Learn to focus on the here and now and what you can control, not constantly think about him and things you cannot control. (I was surprised to find that this is a skill which improves with practice)
Keeping a written journal of your feelings and thoughts, a great emotional outlet)
Learning to play an instrument.
making a list of of all the good -v- bad about the relationship. (that was very enlightening and helped me view things in a different perspective).
and to repeat... busy busy busy!
Good luck, were with you.
Yes to blocking! On my phone if he does message it would go straight to spam folder. Funnily enough i have never had the urge to check it. I would either be gutted if he hadn't messaged or if he had and said 'i miss you or some other lazy communication my progress would be for nothing!
It helps because I know 100% that any texts are not from him. (Its usually domino pizza shock]
Keep busy, keep in touch with friends - very important when you're feeling a bit at a loose end. Allow yourself a few tears every now and then, you are grieving for something that either didn't work or couldn't work, then wipe your eyes and do something nice for yourself. Best of luck, it's hard but I think most of us have been there, or are there, and we're getting through it! xx
Oh saturn, poor you, am sending a hug. Def worse at this time of year too. Great suggestions from lots of people already.
I am nearly 4 months on and still struggling but it is definitely a bit easier. Things that have helped / are helping include:
- A good self help book. I find these really helpful - i have read "Getting Past your break up" & "No contact" (from the Baggage Reclaim Lady).
- Indulging myself as much as i can afford to - a massage, chocolate, some posh bath oil, lots of wine and fags (not even going to try to give up until i feel stronger!)
- Telling myself repeatedly that i dont want to be with someone that doesnt want to be with me.
- Going and staying totally NC (not sure if this is possible for you but do it if you can). I broke it a few times and learned the hard way - a text saying "GO AWAY I DO NOT LOVE YOU" doesnt exactly do wonders for self-esteem, lol
- Counselling (although i am having these for some other issues too but we've talked about the breakup and it def helps - the poor lady is paid to listen to me going on and on! This helps because i think i pretty much bored my friends to death with it and needed to stop).
Good luck, i promise in a few months you'll start to see a little light at the end of the tunnel x
Frog , Caffe & Just i like your blocking the phone number suggestion. Had always thought there was no point as i'd keep checking the Spam Folder but interesting about how it helps because you just know that when the phone beeps it'll never be them. I wonder if pyschologically that helps your brain to be less obsessive about it. I'm going to give it a try!
Sounds a bit trite and obvious but watching comedy/feel good DVDs really helped me. Gavin and Stacey over and over in my case!
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