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not again ..............

(5 Posts)
amberlou2008 Mon 22-Dec-14 08:59:24

Hello ladies - I've been lurking around for a while watching all of the support and good advice you give so here's one for you and I would appreciate some of that advice.

Met this lovely man in 2013 - May, very much enjoyed his company. He had only a year earlier (yes I get what someone is going to say) got divorced after a particularly traumatic divorce - he comes home, she;s gone and raped the bank accounts. So we start seeing each other, he's away with his job a lot so although it was not a daily relationship it was good. He then loses his job, and the flat that goes with it. I say to him, stay with me for a while until you get yourself sorted out. That was last November. I'm pretty independent - good job which I love and not used to having anyone around day to day so it was a bit of a struggle.

He found another job, loves it but I went through a pretty horrific time in the summer trying to get access for my DS to his daughter. it ended up in Court in september with the attendant financial hardship (for me) and of course he got very distressed seeing me so upset but we got through it. My son was living with us all of this time so we stopped having sex - not my choice - his.

We've been limping along a bit but still loving towards each other. He's now decided to move into his own house, which he can afford, so lots of his things are still at mine (including the christmas tree and decorations which are his and which may end up in the garden the way I'm feeling at the moment). I haven't seen him since Thursday of last week for various reasons and he has texted me once. I get that he needs his own space and his own things around him (which have been in storage since his divorce) so why am I feeling so low? He hasn;t finished with me, I'm scared to phone him or text him. Do I just give him space and hope that he will come round or what? He says he took the house in the hope that it would kick start our relationship again - I do get it but i don;t think I have reacted very well - more for the fact that I feel he has used me to get straight and now he;s off into the wide blue yonder without a backward glance. it might be the time of the year, I will see my granddaughter at christmas for the first time in her life and I still have my job - so why do I feel like this now?

Help ladies please - thank you and thank you for reading. Amberlou

Apophenia Mon 22-Dec-14 09:02:36

Raped the bank accounts? hmm

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 22-Dec-14 09:05:26

You feel like that...because he has used you.

Onviously he just might be busy. Doesnt sound good though.

Do you really want to be back with this man?

Quitelikely Mon 22-Dec-14 09:06:02

It is possible that you have served your purpose and were a rebound thing.

I personally think only one text is not a good sign. Could you arrange to meet him and discuss the future? I don't think you have got anything to lose by asking. Better to know than not.

Do you and he have plans for Xmas day?

CogitOIOIO Mon 22-Dec-14 09:12:53

You're feeling low because, you say it yourself, you feel that you've been used. However, if I'm reading it right, you've lived together for a year and you found it tough to have someone permanently around. With the added stress of a court case and your DS's presence in the home, it is quite possible that he felt the same way i.e. that he had outstayed his welcome. It may also be that, after a year together and now he has the opportunity to move out, he's taken advantage of this natural break to end things completely.

Ultimately, 'I need space' is too vague. What do you want? Do you still want to be in a relationship or are you glad to get your life back?

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