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I can't believe this is happening.

(18 Posts)
notjustamummythankyou Mon 22-Dec-14 01:57:35

Late this afternoon my husband beat me up after an argument about me popping in to see my family and stopping for a glass of wine.

My dd was on my knee and my ds was upstairs when it started. It couldn't have been for more than a minute but I am so sore. He kicked me heavily in the back. He tried to rip my rings off my finger.

He has done this 6-8 times over the 10 ish years we've been together (plus frequent red rages).

I've had enough. I called my parents and I'm in their spare bed. My kids are at my sisters. I don't know where he is. He drove off with a case.

I'm scared. Its Christmas. I'll have to manage on my own which scares me but this cant carry on.

I don't know what to do next.

TanteRose Mon 22-Dec-14 02:01:49

how awful sad

phone Women's Aid

www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010018

they will be able to advise you on how to proceed now

flowers

Threeplus1 Mon 22-Dec-14 02:02:15

You have absolutely done the right thing. I have no experience of DV but I'm sure someone with more helpful advice will come along soon, I just didn't want to read and not respond.

You CAN do this. You have already taken the first step. You and your children deserve better than this.

Big hugs xx

TarquinMoriartyGruntfuttockII Mon 22-Dec-14 02:03:44

Next thing will be to ring the police and report him for assault. See if you can get an order to keep him away from the house so you can have Christmas with your DC's in your own home. .

Then ring Women's Aid and get some practical help on how to protect yourself and your DC's and how to leave him.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you.

LuckyCornish13 Mon 22-Dec-14 02:04:16

I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say what you did today (walking out and leaving) is incredibly brave and well done for doing this! I understand the prospect of being alone is very scary, but sounds like you've left the worst, scariest environment already...? Be strong and I really hope you and your children have a lovely Christmas

wallaby73 Mon 22-Dec-14 02:07:00

I'm sure there is a back story but in some ways it's irrelevant; he attacked you. With your DD on your knee?! Wow, he's dangerous, and too dangerous to be around. Please call the police tomorrow; don't for a second hesitate for fear of his reaction, consequences for him etc. he attacked you xx

notjustamummythankyou Mon 22-Dec-14 02:14:18

My dad took me to a&e because my back was so painful, I could hardly stand. They wanted the whole story and asked if I wanted to press charges. I just don't know about that. Because of what he does, it would mean him never working in his profession again - and that would have a major impact on terms of any kind of financial support.

I don't know. I don't know why I put up with this, why I married him after seeing this side to him? What I'm going to tell the kids.

My family had been amazing. But seeing my dad in tears is awful. I could have stopped this before it even started (except I wouldn't have my two beautiful children).

Sorry im rambling.

LuckyCornish13 Mon 22-Dec-14 02:21:59

I hate to sound harsh, but if it was to have an impact on his career, then he shouldn't be in that role anyway!

As to why you stayed, why you married him; I think in life there are genuinely good people (like you) who think people can change, don't want to think bad of people or give up on them. You do not, for a single second, deserve what happened to you!! Thank goodness your children were unhurt and you have family to support you!
I'm not saying it's going to be rainbows and butterflies, you have a tough road ahead, but this could be a turning point in you and your children's lives. I genuinely wish you all the strength and luck in the world xxx

WhereIsMYJonathanSmith Mon 22-Dec-14 05:10:19

FGS Please report him. He deserves everything he gets.

If not for yourself then in the hope that you can protect some other poor woman in the future.

YvyB Mon 22-Dec-14 06:17:49

Definitely report. I did - it was so hard and I felt like the biggest traitor alive but I knew that if I ever found out he'd hurt another woman worse than he hurt me and that I could have prevented it but hadn't, the guilt would have destroyed me. You've done everything right and been so brave; it's just the last thing you can do now to try to protect anyone else. You also need to to ensure your dcs are protected. You need all this on record BEFORE you get anywhere near making contact arrangements.

Zame Mon 22-Dec-14 07:28:58

Please do report him,you may not want to leave now but in the future when you hopefully will, this will mean you're entitled to legal aid. It's a stressful enough situation as it is without worrying about paying for solicitors

Joysmum Mon 22-Dec-14 07:35:07

Please report him. You need to do that your divorce is as easy as possible and you'll need to if you want greater powers to protect your daughter from him.

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary Mon 22-Dec-14 07:37:36

Go to the police. You need to protect yourself and your children from this man and having this assault on record will be important.

Only1scoop Mon 22-Dec-14 07:40:40

Report this attack to the Police.

He did this whilst you were holding your dd?

What an evil individual.

Protect your children and you.

Hissy Mon 22-Dec-14 07:42:55

reporting this will help protect you in the future, both from him, and for your children. you need to get this on record, you won't get any legal aid without it.

I spent 10 yrs with a man like yours, and I too tell myself ALL the points I should have ended it... but didn't.

right now (as I did when my ex left) you will feel monumentally stupid, but believe me, all you did was care for someone whe didn't deserve you.

please call woman's aid, you need someone to talk to that understands what you're feeling. they will be able to point you in the direction of additional info/support too.

you have absolutely done the right thing in getting out. please make sure you stay out. know that he will only ever get worse, and your life could seriously be at risk if you have contact with him.

he did this in front of your children, he's abusing them too. is this the life you want for them?

I know it's not, so make sure the contact they have with him is kept to the barest minimum.

they need to be with safe healthy people, he's none of these, he's not even a person, he's an abuser.

Quitelikely Mon 22-Dec-14 07:43:07

Please report him to the police. He is abusive and controlling. He will never ever change. You will always be walking on eggshells with him. You can't fix him or help him.

Unfortunately he beats you because as a child he was exposed to the very same abuse.

This is how they become abusers or if a woman has witnessed abuse as a child sometimes she seeks out, unknowingly abusive characters to have relationships with.

Please don't subject your lovely dc to the fate above. Abuse is never hidden from children. It's complicated but please believe me when I say it all goes in.

I can totally understand you a concerned about finances but here you are talking about a man who beat you with your dc in the room. A very dangerous man who has crossed all the boundaries. He might move into beating children next. Please, please try to be so brave and call the police.

This is a very dangerous time for you and the children. You need expert advice from an experienced officer.

Your husband will find another job, that's if you going to the police even effects his job at all.

He might have led you to believe it would when it might not.

Your poor father, he feels powerless to help his daughter. I'm sending you lots of courage.

Keep posting here for support. Lots of women have been through this. They will be here soon.

101 is the number if you do manage to call.

Longtalljosie Mon 22-Dec-14 07:48:18

Without wishing to sound too clinical - if you report him now, you will get legal aid in the divorce, and you will get much more help having contact on terms which, given his violent nature, are acceptable to you. If you delay, you will be representing yourself in court and you won't be able to prevent unsupervised overnight contact.

CogitOIOIO Mon 22-Dec-14 08:12:27

Another one urging you to report him to the police. Not simply for the aspect of justice but having it on record that he is dangerously violent will affect your access to legal aid and also what contact he can have with your children. If it is not on record, you may struggle to get the right support.

I hope you're OK

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