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Relationship becoming toxic

(5 Posts)
IloveOreossx Sun 21-Dec-14 15:26:24

Been with DP 14 nearly 15 yrs, we have a 13yr old dd who does not live with us (Was accepted into a boarding school over 200miles away last year on a scholarship, we have a terribly low income and its the best we can give her, she wanted to go so with a heavy heart we allowed it. We see her for 16 weeks a year) I am also 14 weeks pregnant, Its a shock as I am 32 and we used contraception, Implant and condoms.
back in october 2011, I was pregnant, 38 weeks. I went into hospital with signs of labour only for ultrasound to reveal our baby girl was not alive. I delivered her and went home with nothing. the worst experience for anyone is going into hospital pregnant and coming out with... nothing.
After this our relationship suffered but then became stronger than ever, DD went away in sept 2013 to boarding school in england (we are in wales) Our relationship was still ok, but we grew distant by christmas last year. Its been a year, nothing has improved its slowly gotten worse. the most explosive arguments i've ever heard of or witnessed happen in my own living room. Glasses are thrown, Plates smashed, Insults hurled. The worst thing is im 50% part of it. I love him, I truly do. I'd take a bullet for him and he for me. However we just can't stop hating each other too. We can treat each other worse than dogs.
Its breaking my heart, He ignores me and doesn't show me love, this upsets me, I get visibly upset, He gets visibly upset, I snap, arguments ensue. the other way around too.
This song (Devlin- let it go)

Reminds me of our relationship, 85% Accurate i'd say.
we've never put a hand on each other but I have to say i've been tempted, and he has raised his fist to me but put it down. We're a hairpin away from full out domestic violence from both sides. Him more so than me (As I can walk away, He cannot control his anger) This isn't good for me. This isn't good for dd when she is here (on her way home today and staying until mid/end jan) although she has not seen anything like this and i'm pleading with god that that stays the same. I don't want a baby born into violence. I don't know what to do. We're on the edge of a breakup tbh. Do I let us go and move on or do I keep fighting for a relationship thats nearly non existent?? sad Please someone talk sense into me.

Fingeronthebutton Sun 21-Dec-14 15:33:19

Becoming toxic ? You must live on a different plant to me.

IloveOreossx Sun 21-Dec-14 15:36:29

What do you mean?;/ And I probably phrased it badly. Its gotten as bad as this over the last 2-3 months, Hence why I say becoming as its deteriorating further and further each week, But yes its already toxic. Forgive my bad phrasing.

surereadyforchange Sun 21-Dec-14 15:45:19

Hiya, it sounds as though there may be a lot of unprocessed grief from the loss of your daughter in 2011. The timescale you're describing as things having got worse in yr relationship seems to tie in with your current pregnancy. Could it be that you are both stressed and worried at A) the shock of a new unplanned baby and B) it is dragging up the fear and upset from losing your daughter. This could be causing the problems. Grief comes out in strange ways. Do you feel that could be a contributing factor?

IloveOreossx Sun 21-Dec-14 16:03:39

I feel its definitely a contributing factor, no matter how big or small. I just wish I knew how to fix things, or whether to even bother sad

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