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Should I believe him and give up?

(7 Posts)
gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn Sat 20-Dec-14 23:35:45

I've recently started a relationship with a man I've been close friends with for around a year. He's so much more than I could have wished for, we get on brilliantly and are very happy together. Everyone around us is delighted fir us too. However, he says he won't get married again after being financially hurt in his divorce. I want to be married, I want to be a wife and more importantly I don't want to have another child without it. (We are financially and career wise pretty equal albeit he's a bit older). I know it seems early to have this chat but we've talked about it previously and given how close we were before things changed it is a bit 'all cards on the table'. So, I guess I'm looking for advice- do I take him at his word and let him know it really us a deal breaker for me before we get in far too deep? Or do I hope one of us changes our mind?

MadeMan Sat 20-Dec-14 23:45:56

Men I know that have been married and then divorced have all said the same thing; basically never to get married again.

Perhaps one day he might change his mind, but only he can know whether he is likely to or not.

beaglesaresweet Sat 20-Dec-14 23:53:07

imo men DO change their mind on this, given a few years since their divorce, and once they meet the right person.
But expect him not to jump into marriage quickly even if he decides you are the one for him.

beaglesaresweet Sat 20-Dec-14 23:54:24

if you are equal financially, you've got an especially good chance! I think it's a bit early to confront him, just let him feel relaxed and stable with you, and it should work.

Meirasa Sun 21-Dec-14 00:16:17

My husband didn't want to get married or have children when I met him. He had been badly hurt before he met me. We got married within a year (really fast I know) and have been happily married for 4 years and have a baby on the way. People change and so do their opinions.

Joysmum Sun 21-Dec-14 08:10:28

Personally I'd accept what he's telling you without the expectation he'll change.

Looking into legal steps you can both take to protect you both and define your individual assets in the case of a split and decide if you would be satisfied by being lifelong partners if the legals were completed?

Personally I think it's mad to carry on investing emotionally if this would be a deal break breaker for you in the hope he changes his mind.

davejudgement Sun 21-Dec-14 08:22:08

Just make sure you don't have another child unless you are married to him then. If he decides he wants a baby with you, he already knows your stance on this so you both have a reason to marry.

I think it's still quite soon to bring this up as well

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