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Is anyone else doing Christmas just you and the kids?

(17 Posts)
IfuckingHateIkea Sat 20-Dec-14 22:52:09

It is just me and 3 DD for Christmas this year. My friend is coming round on both Christmas Eve and then again in the evening on Christmas Eve. I am NC with my family and my ex (DD's dad will be away for the whole Christmas New Year period). Him being away also means that I am not able to go out at all during the next few weeks as i won't have any childcare. I split up with my most recent boyfriend (not my DD's dad) quite recently and we had been planning to spend Christmas with him so am abit sore about that too.

I feel a lot of pressure to make the day really special for my DD. i have bought her lots of stuff and will be getting in special games for us to play, go to a carol service and nice food etc. I'm stressed out because I am on a very low wage and am finding it a struggle financially. I'm worried about how I'm going to pay the rent this month tbh and I'm getting more and more stressed.

This is the first Christmas that my DD has really been aware of (she's been talking about it loads since about November). I want it to be nice for her.

I feel quite alone at the moment. I wish I could share it with more adults tbh. It makes me think how nice it would be to share it with a loving partner etc.

That's it really. Anyone else in the same boat?

IfuckingHateIkea Sat 20-Dec-14 22:54:05

I meant I am NC with my parents. My ex (DD's dad) is away for the whole Christmas period. I'm not NC with my DD's dad which is how I think it sounded above.

Lovingfreedom Sat 20-Dec-14 22:58:12

Try to keep it in perspective...it's just one day, albeit an important and symbolic one. Try not to spend too much more. You and your kids can have a good time together. Enjoy yourselves smile x

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Sat 20-Dec-14 23:00:37

It's usually just ds and I. My family live pretty far away and can't make it over to visit every year and I can't drive so can't go to them. Ds's father lives abroad and rarely contacts ds. A nice 'family' Christmas would be lovely, but this is our family. I do get pissed that it's all down to me though, and I get a little lonely too but we watch movies, go to the cinema and bake so it's 'our' time. I do think that time means more to a kid then stuff to open so please don't feel as though you must buy your DD things. She just wants to do things with you.

Have you looked into housing benefit? You could be entitled to something to help with the rent so it's worth looking into thanks < for you. It does get easier, sometimes it takes time xx

Justatoe Sun 21-Dec-14 00:47:33

Yes, we are. Last year was our first Christmas on our own & we did a family Christmas but felt it wasn't really what we wanted.
This year we have planned exactly how we want to spend the day & see it as creating our own traditions. My Dd is older (15) but I am sure your DD could suggest something she would like to do with you.
I am just glad I don't have to tip toe around my sodding ex in laws ever again!

PlantsAndFlowers Sun 21-Dec-14 01:31:45

Just me and DD, though she goes to ex's Christmas Day afternoon.

We did this last year too and we had a lovely time. It was a conscious decision for me, to exclude people who bring guaranteed stress.

Don't worry about how much you spend on her - she will remember the day due to the 'magic' and the christmas rituals rather than how many gifts she has.

ThoughtItWasMine Sun 21-Dec-14 08:28:16

The presents will soon be forgotton by DD - its the time you spend with her, the cuddles, the fun, the magic that matters. Relax and enjoy. Many people would give the world to have what you have.

InnocenceAndExperience Sun 21-Dec-14 08:50:37

Do you mean you have 1 daughter, aged 3?

I can entirely see why the next couple of weeks feel daunting for you. It's tough when there is so much pressure to buy stuff and everyone else seems to have huge, happy families and a million parties to go to, but you only need to read a handful of threads on here to know that for a lot of people its not that easy.

Your daughter will be fine.

My tip is to remember all the awful people you could be having Christmas with if things had been different, who would just make you wish you were on your own, you and your lovely daughter.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 21-Dec-14 08:52:59

Stop spending right now! You can make it nice for small children without spending a lot. As you are all too aware, you both still have to live in the New Year, so what is the point of making one day really, really special if it all has to come crashing down in the next few months as a result? Take it steady and she will have fun. It's all exciting, a tiny tree up, bit of tinsel over the lampshades, extra courses and sauces at lunch, carols on the telly, staying up late, adding marshmallows to warm milk; these little non-everyday touches are amazing when you're very young!

The thing with presents is it's not the price tag but the surprise. If I were you I'd keep a couple of things back for her birthday, so you don't have to worry about spending again when that comes round, and don't end up competing year after year with your own precedent.

You do not have to spend more on a child to compensate for there not being a man around, or out of guilt because you will be resenting not having childcare. Relax and enjoy. It doesn't matter if things aren't perfect.

LuluJakey1 Sun 21-Dec-14 09:09:00

Do lots of nice things with her that don't cost much.

Bake- scones are cheap and good and you can eat them, make little sweets- icing sugar, water, tiny bit of glycerin, drop of food colours and food flavouring like mint. Can roll them out and cut out shapes.

Go for walks.

Paint

Watch DVDs and have a cuddle

Get some sparklers for Christmas Eve and do them outside

Make cards

When I was little, my mum did lots of thngs like that with me - we never had lots of money and I was an only child and we lived in quite. a remote place with no family near andno car. My dad was at work. I just loved it. I felt really secure and loved having all of her attention.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 21-Dec-14 09:14:19

I had loads of years when it was just me and my dd. Don't look at it as a bad thing. It's a lovely opportunity for you to start new traditions, set a precedent for fun activities (like games) in the afternoon after eating perhaps, or reading a Christmas story together, or cooking the food together. Ask your dcs to come up with a few ideas to choose from as well, so they get to be included in the planning (not sure how old they are, so this varies of course).

It's the perfect excuse to just play with the dcs and have fun with them and not do any housework all day. fgrin What could possibly be bad about that?

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 21-Dec-14 09:15:33

sorry, for some reason I thought 3 DD was 3 daughters - rereading I see it's 3yo DD. blush Still applies though - have fun, ask her what she'd like to do. Just enjoy the day.

LittleDonkeyLeftie Sun 21-Dec-14 11:39:25

OP I will spend Christmas Day with my DC and am NC with my toxic mother. It will be absolutely lovely!!

Just think how much nicer your life is without such awful people in it?

Have a read of the threads, and I promise you the relationships and AIBU boards will be full of them, about poor people who feel obliged to spend Christmas with people they hate. People who treat them like shit. Abusers and manipulators.

You will soon be settling down happily with DD, glad that it's just the two of you.

Have a lovely day thanks

Morticia45 Sun 21-Dec-14 12:01:57

Bless you! Try not to spend any more than you can afford. I know it's not easy, in the same boat as you with older, more peer pressured kids.

Enjoy your time with her. Try not to feel lonely or left out of the 'adult' celebrations, most of them are stressful and shitty. some of the best Christmases I've had have been alone with the kids, playing with their toys and games, watching TV and having a mini Christmas meal, without all the expectations and hard graft that having adults around incurs.

Have a gorgeous, relaxing and fun day! xx fsmile

imjustahead Sun 21-Dec-14 13:56:11

me, just me and one child.
first time there won't be another adult here. have been divorced for many years and dd has had a difficult year emotionally. she requested it be just us.
i am determined to make it special.
i feel a little sad but wknd knows, it might be lovely.

xthanks

Jingalingallnight Sun 21-Dec-14 17:45:56

Just me and the kids too. I am looking forward to it but it is a long day when they are up so early!

yummytummy Sun 21-Dec-14 21:32:29

hi yes just me and two dcs as well. I actually started a thread on this and loads of people gave really kind and good tips on what to do in the day eg go for walks, make biscuits, treasure hunts etc. I think it was in chat, not sure how to do links but some lovely ideas there which really cheered me up.

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