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A lifetime of attracting Narcissists, help please?

(8 Posts)
NarcMagnet Sat 20-Dec-14 22:07:25

I was raised by two of them, the partners I chose were either full blown or with strong elements of narcissism, friends, bosses, people I lived with and STILL wherever i turn, whichever move I make to disentangle myself, I put myself right back into the middle of them.

Yet again I've manouvered myself into a position where I'm being bullied & controlled by two of them.

Emotionally I've reached the floor, worn out, scared, anxious, no one to turn to. I've always been very strong (ie able to put up with a lot of crap & abuse) but have reached my limit.

Feel so stupid & embarrassed for falling for the same tricks and routines of this type of personality. I know its me, i am a sucker for a hard luck story, someone in need (be it practical or emotional) because I know how it feels to need a bit of kindness. That's how it starts, idealisation followed by devaluation and being discarded. Rinse & Repeat.

Sorry if I sound utterly pathetic, just trying to say that I know it takes two to dance the steps of the narcissists dance so need to take responsibility for figuring out what it is in me that needs to attract these people.

Posting this to ask if anyone has experienced similar so I don't feel so alone with it all for a while.

BuzzardBirdRoast Sat 20-Dec-14 22:09:16

Freedom Programme?

Twinklestein Sat 20-Dec-14 22:47:55

Agree with pp.

It's not so much that you're attracting narcissists, many people do, but that you're choosing them. Except of course your parents who are presumably the root of this pattern.

Guyropes Sat 20-Dec-14 22:52:00

It's rewarding and makes you feel good to help others. You might need to find a way to feel good by helping/ developing yourself. If your pattern is that all emotional energy is taken by the other people in your life, you might need to acknowledge and learn more about your own feelings.

NarcMagnet Sat 20-Dec-14 23:59:55

Thank you all, what GuyRopes said resonates with me quite strongly.

My internal settings seem to be set to 'give' regardless of the cost, catching myself doing it more often now, still, the voice of 'selfish' is pretty loud & often wins.

Hard to put into words, how crossed does a human beings wiring have to be to keep putting out resources for anyone who so much as pulls a sad face yet the 'selfish' programming will not easily extend the same courtesy to the giver.

victorianhomedreamer Sun 21-Dec-14 09:42:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

queenoftheknight Sun 21-Dec-14 09:53:12

www.amazon.co.uk/Disarming-Narcissist-Surviving-Thriving-Self-Absorbed/dp/1608827607

It's quite hard work, because you have to address your own attachment issues, probably easier with a decent therapist, but I found it useful. But then I have a great therapist!

Good luck.

Sandthorn Sun 21-Dec-14 10:30:30

Your definition of "strong" bothers me. Strong isn't being able to put up with shit. Strong is refusing to put up with shit. It sounds to me like you're only just discovering your strength.

Get some real support, and work hard on developing your sense of yourself. Once you know your boundaries, and how to enforce them, you might find the narcissists in your life just slink away, never to be seen again.

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