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Mixed messages - Ex dumped me, doesn’t want me anymore but bought me lingerie

(23 Posts)
howinterestingyousay Sat 20-Dec-14 19:08:25

It was quite a casual thing and knew it wasn’t really going anywhere but I did/do really like him. He called it off a few months ago and i’ve got drunk with him a few times since then and offered him to come home with me/fwb setup and he’s said it’s not a good idea and gone home alone. I know he’s right and fwb would be a really bad idea but I was drunk and he’s part of my big friendship group so I still see him occasionally.

Last night we had a big christmas meal/night out there were 20 of us and we did secret santa, he text me today and told me my present was from him and that I shouldn’t open it in front of my family so i’ve just opened it and it’s lingerie, actually nice lingerie way over the secret santa budget.

I don’t get what he’s thinking, he doesn’t want me back (he knows he could have me and doesn’t want me) so why would he give me this when we’re not together?

TheFantasticFixit Sat 20-Dec-14 19:12:01

In short, he's a cocklodger.

ElizabethHoover Sat 20-Dec-14 19:12:33

who is that a gift for? hmm

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sat 20-Dec-14 19:13:40

Forget him, where on earth is your self-respect?

Tell him to sod his underwear, he's doing it because it gives him a lovely power trip to know that he could have you if he wanted to.

YouAreMyRain Sat 20-Dec-14 19:13:51

He is giving you mixed signals, move on.

howinterestingyousay Sat 20-Dec-14 19:53:02

I know I should forget it and move on I just don't get what he's thinking.

I asked him why and he just said 'thought you may like them' but it's not a normal friend gift is it? Which is what he says he wants us to be again.

Fantastic how is he a clock lodger?

Is it possible he bought it before you broke up and wanted to get rid of it?

It is odd he has rejected you several times and now gives you underwear but don't read too much into it. Write him off it's never going to happen, stop being desperate and stop offering yourself on a plate.

GingerbreadPudding Sat 20-Dec-14 21:08:14

He sees you as a girl he could have sex with if he wanted.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Sat 20-Dec-14 21:08:26

He wants a fuckbuddy, not a relationship. Run dear, run.

TaliZorahVasNormandy Sat 20-Dec-14 21:12:34

He sees you as an on tap sex. He can call and get some whenever he pleases. Like a real life blow up doll

Get some dignity and make it clear you arent around merely for his pleasure.

zaracharlotte Sat 20-Dec-14 21:14:01

Keep the lingerie if you like it, but make it your mission to never let him see it on.

AtrociousCircumstance Sat 20-Dec-14 21:16:50

The gift says, 'I know you want me'.

Imagine him wrapping it with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

LadySybilLikesSloeGin Sat 20-Dec-14 21:21:27

By accepting it an letting him shag you, you're giving him permission to use you as a fuckbuddy while he finds someone else. He'll then dump you from a massive height. You don't deserve that, you're worth far more. Move on, chuck.

scarletforya Sat 20-Dec-14 21:23:13

He probably bought it before you broke up. Don't be distracted by it. He's probably trying to keep his options open.

AuntieStella Sat 20-Dec-14 21:24:47

Is it definitely your size and generally in a style you like?

Just wondering if it was actually bought for you.

MissBeehiving Sat 20-Dec-14 21:25:20

God, what an arse. Give it back.

AlfAlf Sat 20-Dec-14 21:30:46

I too thought he might have bought it before he broke up with you.
Either way, it's inappropriate and headfucky of him to of this.
If he was genuinely interested he would still be going out with you, so don't waste your energy wondering about him.

TheFantasticFixit Sun 21-Dec-14 00:24:20

Gah. I meant cock, not cocklodger, bloody autofill!

He's definitely a cock. He knows the OPs feelings and he's abusing them by fucking with her head.

OP, bin the pants and move on. He's only going to hurt you.

BOFster Sun 21-Dec-14 00:52:27

I suppose you should return the gift and say you feel it's too much for a Secret Santa and not really appropriate now that you're not involved. Or if you can't face the conversation and would only have it pissed and be tempted to humiliate yourself again, just take it back to the shop and exchange it for some comfy pants and a sports bra, hit the gym and be fabulous in 2015.

happyandsingle Sun 21-Dec-14 09:08:17

Why not keep the underwear and send him a message to say thanks and that your new boyfriend really loves you in it.
And if it is nice underwear that is to your taste why not just view it as a nice gift and keep it. Does it matter that it came from him? Don't get into the mind games just thank him and leave it at that.
And whatever you do don't sleep with him.
If you still have feelings for him a fwb relationship will never work and you will just feel hurt when he moves on to another relationship and dumps you all over again.

Fluffyears Sun 21-Dec-14 14:04:47

I predict messages saying 'do you like it' 'try it on and send pics' he's a game playwr he loves playing with your emotions. Been there done that. Ignore him.

AskMeAnother Sun 21-Dec-14 15:20:37

He wants to tell his friends he bought you lingerie and got away with it. If you comment on it or send photos he'll share with his friends.
Send an email. 'I can't imagine why you thought it appropriate to give underwear in a Secret Santa. It has been thrown away. Don't do it again.'

SelfLoathing Sun 21-Dec-14 19:30:38

send him a message to say thanks and that your new boyfriend really loves you in it.

LOL @ happyandsingle.

Excellent. Do this.

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