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So upset

(16 Posts)
happinessisabutterfly Sat 20-Dec-14 15:00:00

Split with DP a few days ago.

I really thought he was "the one." The split happened for the right reasons but just the same I'm distraught. I feel I am too old to meet anyone new and have children with them and all I wanted was my own family.

I just needed a cry. I'm sure I'll be fine.

Vivacia Sat 20-Dec-14 15:27:27

Do you think your desire to have children made you project feelings of "the one" on to this man?

Tinks42 Sat 20-Dec-14 15:29:34

If you dont mind me asking, how old are you?

happinessisabutterfly Sat 20-Dec-14 15:31:28


Viv, we got on extremely well initially and had an amazing time together but over the last six months things have become more and more strained. It's just very hard accepting that I'm unlikely to have a family and/or a husband.

Vivacia Sat 20-Dec-14 15:36:32

Have children as a single parent?

happinessisabutterfly Sat 20-Dec-14 15:38:03

Seriously? hmm Is it so hard just to say something kind?

Vivacia Sat 20-Dec-14 15:38:36

Sorry, that was flippant. I was thinking along the lines of 36 isn't too old at all and you have options.

Do you think you're more sad about the lost potential to have children than you are about not being with this man?

Vivacia Sat 20-Dec-14 15:39:16

Cross-posted! I was apologising already, I'd hit send too quickly.

I'll leave you to it. All the best.

happinessisabutterfly Sat 20-Dec-14 15:41:32

The life I thought I was going to have is in ruins, I am really upset, lonely, distraught and yes, not having my own family is a massive part of that.

Anyway perhaps I should be "left to it" as that post really has shaken me up; I can't believe how flippant people can be.

FurryDogMother Sat 20-Dec-14 15:48:44

I was 36 when I met my 2nd husband - you are young, with loads of life ahead of you, and plenty of time to have your own family. Please don't feel you haven't got time to do everything you want to - I'm 55 now and still seeing the future as holding loads of potential. So sorry you're in a bit of a slump right now, only natural after the end of a relationship - but there's so much ahead of you, too!

happinessisabutterfly Sat 20-Dec-14 15:52:00

I have to smile a bit at "plenty of time" - 4 years at a push! I honestly cannot see how it can happen, I was excited to be planning to TTC in 2015. And no, I won't be having a child as a single parent if I can just clear that up in case anybody makes a similar "helpful" suggestion.

Tinks42 Sat 20-Dec-14 16:29:27

Blimey OP do you not think you're being rather aggressive? Why post if you only want to hear what is aggreeable to you? Sounds like you "judge" single parents also. I'm one, had a child on my own. It was said as an "option".

happinessisabutterfly Sat 20-Dec-14 16:34:48

I don't remotely judge single parents and I'm so surprised you think that? I just don't want to be one. And, I didn't think that other post was helpful and it really, really upset me - I'm not being aggressive at all, I'm just desperately sad.

FurryDogMother Sat 20-Dec-14 16:55:43

4 years is plenty of time - and 4 years is not a set-in-stone limit, many women have their first child after they're 40, yanno.

hiphoplollipop30 Sat 20-Dec-14 17:18:31

FurryDogMother is right, 4 years is loads of time.

I've just come out of a 5 year relationship, I thought he was the one, but he made me cry a lot so, probably not!

Advice on Mumsnet has really helped me when I've been feeling like my life is over - dramatic I know!

I imagine when we meet someone that is the 'one' for us, and its right, things can happen very fast - I always think I could be living with a guy and be engaged in 6 months!

Do you have friends around to support you? Plan something fun, a trip away, it will make you feel loads better and will provide a good distraction.

I tend to move after a relationship has ended, I have no dependents so I can just pick up and do what I want. I moved to London when I was 25 after my relationship ended, and I'm moving to NYC now that this one has ended.

Not sure if its healthy to move away when I get my heart broken, but it seems to work for me! smile

AcrossthePond55 Sat 20-Dec-14 18:03:02

I do think you have time for parenthood, including pregnancy, but also in other ways than perhaps you originally planned. There is step-parenting if you meet someone with a 'ready-made' family. There is adoption (adoptee, here <waves>) or surrogacy if you are unable to conceive. There's also fostering if you and a future partner decide on that route.

The death of a dream is always heartbreaking and that's what you're dealing with. But you ended the relationship for the right reasons and saved yourself even greater heartbreak on down the line. So do go ahead and cry, get angry, pout, and feel sorry for yourself. If you have a friend in RL you can cry to, do it. That's what heartbreak is. Eventually, you will begin to hurt a little less and will also be able to look for what may be ahead for you.

I'm not going to try to soothe you with 'happily ever after' stories and 'someday your prince will come'. I don't think you really want to hear that yet. So I will just say that I'm sorry you're hurting and that I hope you will be able to pick up the pieces soon.

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