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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Great start to the morning....

51 replies

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 09:19

I have no had enough of my Partner and his behaviour. He is rude to me most of the time and we argue so badly it is starting to have an effect on our 3 yr old. She is becoming very sensitive. Last night by partner and I sat down and agreed we needed to start working together to bring out family back together.

This morning and already he has shouted at me. I am absolutely boiling in rage. If I could hit him right in the face I would... Instead I wrote him this:
You couldn't even get through one morning without being rude and start shouting at me. We spoke about this last night. I can no longer see a way for us to move forward and I refuse to subject our children to anymore of this behaviour. I warned you about this and for some reason you are incapable of putting our children before yourself. I don't have anything left to say to you so please do not talk to me. If you want to communicate you can write to me here. You have pushed me too far this time.

OP posts:

Report

26Point2Miles · 20/12/2014 09:27

Great start... But what's going to change? Are you leaving today?

hesterton · 20/12/2014 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notapizzaeater · 20/12/2014 09:32

What do you to,happen ? He leaves ?

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 09:34

I can't leave until I get some money under my belt.. Which I am. We will have to live in the same house but I will only be communicating with him via text. Mainly so everything is documented and we don't have any arguments in front of the children. I am going to start looking at properties today. I have never felt so angry as I do today.

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 20/12/2014 09:41

What's going wrong? What is the issues you are arguing about

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 09:53

He will have a go at me for anything and everything. Totally minor and completely ridiculous. This morning it was because I told him to go and pick up a replacement car early so we didn't lose it because our car won't be ready until Christmas Eve. He started shouting at me in front of the kids "it's not a race... It's not a race" I reminded him of our chat last night but he continued to rant. I calmly took the kids downstairs and gave them breakfast. He shortly followed me asking questions, I proceeded to tell him it would be wise to check his messages. I haven't seen him since... He is upstairs. Not even a reply but I can tell he has read it.

OP posts:

Primadonnagirl · 20/12/2014 09:53

I know you are seething but this strategy isn't going to work. Only communicating by text isn't sustainable or healthy.That doesn't mean you need to back down.Just look him in the eye and tell him you will be leaving ( if it's safe to do so) in xxx weeks or whatever. In the meantime you are prepared to be civil but that's it.

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 09:56

But it always goes into an argument. I don't want to hear his constant put downs and trying to make me feel crap about myself. I don't our kids to witness anymore than they have. I was reading on here last night about a woman who watched her parents arguing and it damaged her. I don't want that for my daughter and it could be weeks before I am able to move out

OP posts:

Primadonnagirl · 20/12/2014 10:01

I know but that's the point...he's going to argue with you anyway, shout at you etc..You texting him in response isn't going to stop that..in fact it may frustrate him even more. I can understand you are worried about kids witnessing it but you are going to remove them from it .Dont be too hard on yourself

IfNotNow · 20/12/2014 10:09

My STBXH was very much like this - constantly shouting at me and speaking to me in a condescending way. I actually left him after an affair but now I'm out I realise just how badly he spoke to me. He still tries to do it now but I've disengaged and will only communicate by text.

There have been times where I've been tempted to record him and play it back so he can hear for himself just how shitty his tone is as I genuinely believe he can't hear himself and doesn't see the problem.

I think you're doing the right thing op, it's so damaging to be in this environment and for your DC to hear you being spoken to in this way.

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 10:17

Yes!!! I have thought about recording him also. I don't think he actually knows how he sounds.
He just replied with the word Vera. He has bought me a Vera Wang engagement ring which he keeps reminding me of everytime he thinks I am stepping out of line. I don't want it or him.
I actually am boiling with rage now. He came in asking me a question about my driving licence and I totally ignored him. He then tried to get my daughter to ask what was wrong with me. I responded to her. He the turned to my daughter and said mummy is acting like a spoilt little girl who doesn't appreciate what is given to her.
I know what I have to do now. This is utterly unreasonable and disgusting

OP posts:

PoppySausage · 20/12/2014 10:25

I know this is awful and you are absolutely doing the right thing, just be careful of the situations where your daughter ends up in the middle passing messages on

rjay123 · 20/12/2014 10:29

Give him back 'Vera' - he can't hold it over your head anymore.

hesterton · 20/12/2014 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleDonkeyLeftie · 20/12/2014 10:32

Good grief! Your line "stepping out of line" tells me all I need to know about this relationship OP.

Is there really nowhere you can go over Christmas? You really cannot subject your DD to any more of this can you? Are you renting or do you own the house?

Him texting "Vera" made me feel sick for you.

I really think you need to get out of there now. So sorry.

Pastmyduedate0208 · 20/12/2014 10:32

Tell him to return the ring and bugger off!

LittleDonkeyLeftie · 20/12/2014 10:37

Do you actually have the ring in your posession or is it locked away like some kind of abusive carrot to keep you "in line?" If you have it just sell it and use the money to get out.

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 10:37

He hasn't given me the ring yet. We chose it a while ago and now he seems to hold it over me. I'm not materialistic like him. I couldn't care less about the ring at all. I wasn't ignoring him in front if my daughter. She came in and he asked her immediately to ask me a question.
He bought this house 3 years ago. We aren't married, my name isn't on any deed. I'd have to go into rented property. I'm not able to buy on my own. I did however put £15,000 into work on the house last year. My mother gave it to me instead of a wedding gift as we hadn't got married yet.

OP posts:

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 10:38

He hasn't proposed to me yet and right now the thought of him doing that makes me want to run a million miles

OP posts:

Tobyjugg · 20/12/2014 10:39

I can't leave until I get some money under my belt

Sell Vera.

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 10:42

I need to get Vera first and I have no idea where it is.

OP posts:

LittleDonkeyLeftie · 20/12/2014 10:43

Oh OP, so you put £15k of your money into a house you don't own, and you aren't married?

I think you need to get legal advice.

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nrv0us · 20/12/2014 10:57

In a very weird way this is a great start to the morning -- think of it as the first step to a much happier life for yourself. Although yes it's not going to be easy at first.

MsFriend · 20/12/2014 11:02

Very true. He has gone to pick up the car now so god knows what will happen when he return. I feel worn out already

OP posts:

Rioux · 20/12/2014 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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