Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Oh boy - please help (long)

16 replies

Veganchums · 19/12/2014 20:59

So this is hard to post. I am so conflicted and confused and know that I'm likely to get flamed, but probably need that. So as not to drip feed; I am married in my late thirties. I have a three year old and have been in the same relationship for 16 years.

My relationship with my husband in difficult, we are really different and seem to be increasingly so. Since I had my son ( in fact for months before) we have not had sex, I hate this and have tried to broach it on several occasions. My son has always been a bad sleeper and I think I probably suffered from undiagnosed PND. None of this lends itself to a great sex life and my husbands contention is that this is the fundamental reason for the lack of sex.

I find it so hard and the situation has given me a pretty low body image. I feel like having my son and the changes my body went through are directly responsible for the situation, I've expressed this, he denies this - I know that he doesn't look at me the same way... who knows.

That though is only the half of it. I work with a guy who is great. Funny, sweet, good company. We get on well and I had assumed that the slight crush I had developed was one sided and safely packed away in the realm of fantasy.

Here comes the cliche .... He made a pass at our Xmas do and I walked away, kind of relented but ultimately decided it was too complicated and hard and walked away. We texted and talked and both agreed that our lives were more important than the temporary excitement of a Xmas kiss.

Skip to tonight, we went for a drink to sort things, figuring that the only people we could safely talk to about what had happened were each other and agreed to put it behind us an move on, stay friends...do the right thing....our resolve lasted as far as the station where we ended up snogging like teenagers.

I know this is bonkers and that there is no future, I really do know this ...but it also felt so good to have someone want me, to have that rush that you get... And he is a lovely guy. I know that this can go no further and that the risks associated are astronomical, but...how can I move on. None of it fixes the issues at home and I know that I played an equal role in the instigation of the situation. Please help me....

OP posts:

Report

Windywenceslas · 19/12/2014 21:10

What did you really think would happen by meeting him? There seems no reason to meet to talk about it, you'd already agreed not to progress things. So you're in denial that you went with the intention to talk about it, you went with the intention of progressing this, you just don't want to admit it to yourself.

End it, cut contact, sort out your marriage. How would you feel if your DH did this?