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Relationships

Pulling away from kids

7 replies

Justasitis · 19/12/2014 20:26

For those with experience is it the case that as partners emotionally separate ie the marriage breaks down that the father of the kids also pulls away from the kids. ?? Barely acknowledging them

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misskangaandroo2014 · 19/12/2014 20:29

That suggests they're an unfeeling arse really. Kids are hardly at fault nor is the relationship of 'father' is not affected (in depth) by being an ex h. Any emotional pulling away from everyone sounds like depression / stress

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Joysmum · 19/12/2014 20:42

When friends of ours split, he pulled away.

He was hurting but he honestly thought they were better off without him for a bit as she and the kids were obviously upset. He thought it was with them rather than the situation.

Of course they weren't talking so he didn't know he was wrong

Things worked out in the end and they are happily divorced and co-parenting. It was tough at the time though.

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Justasitis · 19/12/2014 20:44

Yes I wondered if it was depression or just sheer selfishness. Might add he's not exactly hands on but to be tired 'to be around them' yet he can engage with others on his phone or surfing. All a bit yucky. I'm airing on side of pure selfishness

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Meerka · 19/12/2014 20:45

bluntly, yeah it is. Not personal experience with a partner but with various fathers (don't ask) and several friends. Man moves on, he leaves the children behind.

A few are shining and outstanding exceptions. And there can be women who block men from seeing their children from spite which is appallingly sad and wrong.

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jonrotten · 19/12/2014 20:46

My ex pulled away from ds. He's very selfish though.

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FolkGirl · 19/12/2014 20:51

My ex didn't pull away from the children. He's still very much a dad to them and I facilitate it, and encourage it (eg suggesting they phone to share an achievement).

It's working well to the extent that he pays maintenance for a child that isn't biologically his (my son) because he is the only dad my son has ever known and loves them equally.

He has many flaws, but he loves his children unconditionally.