Regular but new account. And I don't know if this is the right place for this.
Biggest mess of my life to date. And it's been a messy life. Found out 2 weeks ago I am pregnant. It's exH's baby. My only thoughts were, despite the circumstances, I'm having a baby. He found out. In a way that sort of proves he is as nasty as I believed and as I have been told about by people on here.
When I found out, I thought, I've done this by myself before - he left when I was pg with my youngest and I did it myself. But this time I am facing a potential complicated pregnancy again with a toddler who I am still breastfeeding. And a very demanding job that I need to prove myself in.
He says if I terminate that he will support me and we will rebuild our relationship. But he won't even talk to me about it properly. And I don't trust him. He's let me down over and over again. But if I have the baby then he has said he refuses to be named on birth certificate and will have nothing to do with me ever again.
I am crying at the prospect of killing my baby. And that is what it feels like to me. A family member is due almost the same day as me. Another girl at work is pregnant and single.
I need a flipping arse kicking for being so stupid as to fall into bed with him. I was on the pill. I thought it was "safe". Obviously not. My head is misfiring. I think that I think I love him, that we have this amazing attraction, but I think that I am wrong. I think I am broken and he enjoys the power he has over me.
I am so so afraid. I am scared for my DCs having a mum in hospital for months with pregnancy complications and I am scared for my DCs having a mum who has a breakdown over an unwanted termination. I am scared for myself for still being so stupidly fixated on my ex.
I don't know what to do. Is it even fair to bring a baby into the world knowing that they are rejected by their father even before birth? Who will never know who their dad is?
I have been crying for the last week. And being so sick.
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I need some advice and support
6 replies
holdmyhand123 · 19/12/2014 11:39
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