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Dp has just admitted to cheating

(23 Posts)
Myworldhasjustfellapart Fri 19-Dec-14 09:57:05

Hes just told me and my world has fell into a million pieces! Im devestated. We had been having a ruff patch, but hes told me its over. He wants this ow. Its been going on a while. She was his ex before we got together.

CogitOIOIO Fri 19-Dec-14 10:06:20

I'm sorry you've had such bad news. How long have you been together? Do you have children? Do you have family or friends that you can talk to and get support?

UptheAnty Fri 19-Dec-14 10:07:03

So sorry for you xx

How long has it been going on?

Finola1step Fri 19-Dec-14 10:10:27

Do sorry to hear this OP. Do you have rl support?

Myworldhasjustfellapart Fri 19-Dec-14 10:12:44

Yes theres 3dc, no rl support he and his family was all i had. They knew dp and his ex were in touch with each other.

A few months, which adds up to when we started going wrong.

I cant beleive this is happening

Ohfourfoxache Fri 19-Dec-14 10:13:09

Oh sweetheart sad

There are no words thanks

UptheAnty Fri 19-Dec-14 10:18:08

Where is he now?

Myworldhasjustfellapart Fri 19-Dec-14 10:20:44

Hes gone probably to her.

DrElizabethPlimpton Fri 19-Dec-14 10:22:09

I'm so sorry. flowers

Myworldhasjustfellapart Fri 19-Dec-14 10:29:00

His xmas gifts are going back

UptheAnty Fri 19-Dec-14 10:29:06

Has he told you at home & just left?

What is her status?

suspiciousandsad Fri 19-Dec-14 10:30:43

I'm so sorry.

What an absolute shit.

How old are your children?

HappyGoLuckyGirl Fri 19-Dec-14 10:33:23


Breathe, cry, shout, scream if you have to.

If you're on good terms with his mother/sister, I'd ask one of them to come round to help you.

Sorry sad thanks

Myworldhasjustfellapart Fri 19-Dec-14 10:36:53

Yep pretty much, i feel sick.

I dont know tbh i really want to smash their faces in.

CogitOIOIO Fri 19-Dec-14 10:38:51

Do you have a friend you can talk to? His behaviour sounds incredibly selfish. When you said earlier you'd been going through a 'ruff patch' (sic) what was that like at home? What was going on?

UptheAnty Fri 19-Dec-14 10:40:14

You deserve so much better than this.

Keep your head up thanks

How do you know his family know?
Is there someone you can contact?

Myworldhasjustfellapart Fri 19-Dec-14 10:47:43

He lost a close family member and it really tore him up, he was vile at times but i gave him the benefit of doubt as he was grieving. But then things just never worked out he was being really off with me pulling me down accusing me of cheating, he then started going out and not coming home (thinking on all the signs were there why didnt i see it) she phoned them to pass on her sympathies when family member died and then she began calling and leaving messages for him with them

CogitOIOIO Fri 19-Dec-14 10:49:44

How long was he being vile, off with you and accusing you of cheating? How long ago did the close family member die?

UptheAnty Fri 19-Dec-14 10:50:15

I think your dp is going to be in one shitstorm of regret pretty soon.

Hold back.

Let his reality settle.

Prioritise yourself and your dc.

Myworldhasjustfellapart Fri 19-Dec-14 10:54:30

About 6months ago. I think she offered a way out of reality, he was grieving they had history. But if he didnt want to he wouldnt have.

CogitOIOIO Fri 19-Dec-14 11:09:26

If you've had 6 months of crap from this guy, even though it's painful right now, you can derive some strength from closing ranks, looking after yourself and your DCs, making sure he keeps paying his way and otherwise showing him no interest whatsoever.

You're right... he hasn't been frogmarched away at gunpoint, he's gone voluntarily. Has he been in touch with the children?

Finola1step Fri 19-Dec-14 12:44:18

His grief is no excuse for what he has done.

Focus on you and the dc. Do not get involved in the "pick me" dance.

Email him if you can't face talking to him. Tell him he needs to collect his stuff at a time convenient for you.

Focus on the practicalities. Is the home in both names?

suspiciousandsad Fri 19-Dec-14 13:00:28

He will always have an excuse. Whatever it is, it will never be 'I chose to betray my family' which is what he actually did. He cheated because he chose to do so. End of.

You are in the thick of the fog and pain, and no doubt you have to find away to get through the next few days as normally as possible for the children. Dig deep and be strong.

I'm in the middle of it myself and know that you will find the reserves to get through it.

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