Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

People who are NC with close family - how much do you tell acquaintances about your situation?

(17 Posts)
MrsBertMacklin Thu 18-Dec-14 20:58:12

Asking because the 'where are you spending Christmas question is coming up at my new job and when I say 'by myself', I can see in their faces, 'why is she not with family, must not ask, must be polite'.

Do others get this and if so, how do you handle it?

Hissy Thu 18-Dec-14 21:36:05

I just say 'just me and ds at home'

ultimately, your friends are lucky they don't have to walk a mile in your shoes. ultimately it doesn't matter what they think. try not to feel guilty for decisions you had to take.

Aussiebean Thu 18-Dec-14 22:01:59

You could always imply that your family are passed. Without specifically saying it but with an element of truth. People tend not to ask.

'Just me left I'm afraid'

GingerbreadPudding Thu 18-Dec-14 22:05:33

I'm NC with my mum. I'm having a baby soon and some people comment 'your mum must be so excited.' I just say 'we are not in touch.' No one has ever asked why or any further questions. Most of my closer friends know the history. I did have one good friend who lectured me about depriving my child of a gran and asking why I hadn't made the effort with my mum. I just said she was really lucky not to have experienced the issues I've experienced with my mum.

despomum41 Thu 18-Dec-14 22:09:10

i always tell people its just me and my two and we love it that way, some try to ask us to their houses out of pity but i genuinely enjoy the day with just the kids and me and definately no drama

MrsBertMacklin Thu 18-Dec-14 22:17:12

Oh yes, the pity invite.

Thanks, quite like the 'just me left' for shutting down the question with anyone I don't care to share with.

PollyFilla Thu 18-Dec-14 22:22:36

What's NC?

KatieKaye Thu 18-Dec-14 22:25:15

all my close friends witnessed my sister's behaviour at our father's funeral, so I don't need to explain. they know my life is much better without her in it.

beachyhead Thu 18-Dec-14 22:32:15

No Contact, Polly

HowsTheSerenity Thu 18-Dec-14 22:33:59

Those that know my sister know why I am NC (non contact [polly]).
To others I just don't scknowledge her so she doesn't exist.

PollyFilla Thu 18-Dec-14 22:34:02

Thank you for the explanation

underthewestway Fri 19-Dec-14 00:18:30

For a couple of years I lied because I was too embarrassed/vulnerable to tell the truth, probably giving people the idea my mother was dead. Now I just say I don't have any contact with my family and I'm doing x, y, or z. And generally the response is amazing. It's only when you are honest that you realise loads, and I mean loads, of people are in the same boat, and it doesn't matter so long as you are okay.

chundercatsarego Fri 19-Dec-14 05:58:30

When people probe I am as simple and honest as I can be: some people are not very nice, when those people have children, those children end up with parents who are not very nice. It works surprisingly well with the 'you only get one family'crowd

Meerka Fri 19-Dec-14 08:02:00

I tend to say "we're not in contact" somewhat briefly. Usually people don't push.

chunder that sounds an effective one, too, might adopt that if you don't mind

queenoftheknight Fri 19-Dec-14 10:38:15

I say that I am not in contact.

Two things about that....it's clear that something bad has happened, and people don't want to delve any deeper.

And also, it is WAAAAY more common than most people realise, but it's taboo, and not spoken about, so maybe people actually get it?

Wotsitsareafterme Fri 19-Dec-14 20:40:40

I'm nc with my dad. If people are rude enough to ask why I say 'because he is a lunatic' which is both true and generally the end of the conversation grin

GoodtoBetter Fri 19-Dec-14 20:51:24

Wotsits, my brother is LC with our mother (I'm NC) and around Christmas he is sometimes asked if he's going to see her (our father died years ago). If he's pushed as to why not he says no because she's mad. People sometimes think he's joking and say "yeah, mine too, mums, eh?" He says he looks them in the eye and says "No, I mean really mad". That's usually the end of the conversation. grin
For me, I just say we're no and most people don't push. If they do I say we're not in contact.
If I do ever open up, I am amazed by just how mnay people have or know someone who has really horrible families too. Sad, but comforting.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now