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OW is his mates GF (or poss ex) and do I tell him??

(9 Posts)
applesnbears Thu 18-Dec-14 10:50:07

I'm literally shaking with rage as I type this. My exDP of 10 years left me and our 3yo DS just under two months ago.. and something just didn't sit right with me about the whole thing, it was so out of the blue etc.

Yesterday I found out.. I won't go into details of how but exDP knows how (so not deceitful).. that he has been talking to an OW on the phone multiple times a day for hours on end.. including a 20 minute conversation right before coming home and breaking up with me two months ago. SHADY!!

I confronted him and he said she was just a friend and someone to talk to who he got on well with, that nothing had happened when we were together and nothing had happened since we've split. I have no idea whether to believe him or not at this point.

THEN this morning.. I found out the OW is one of his best mate's GF. I went NUTS to say the least. Espc seen as I asked him last night if I knew who it was and he said no.

For goodness sake she and her BF were out our house on the sat and sun before he left on the Tuesday.

He only met her a couple of weeks before we broke up and it was at that point he turned to ice with me. He said speaking to her just made him realise how unhappy with me he was and all he is doing is chatting to her because she is going through a break up too (so not sure if this means she is not with his mate anymore or not).

I am absolutely livid and I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth anymore. I have been so kind to him through our whole break up when he had no right for me to be and now this.

Question is.. do I contact his mate and tell him what I have found out and what I have been told and let him make of it what he will.. If it was me I would want to know. He has begged me not to say anything to him as he doesn't know they have been talking and he doesn't want him to take it the wrong way. BUT if it was me in the dark I would want someone to tell me.

FelicityGubbins Thu 18-Dec-14 10:52:32

Tell him, no one deserves to be shit on with everyone else knowing bar him..

Quitelikely Thu 18-Dec-14 10:52:40

Yes tell his friend. I think he has left you so he can start a new relationship with her if the option arises.

Don't protect them.

KraggleLego Thu 18-Dec-14 10:52:58

I would, but then be ready that his friend may "shoot the messager" and it could turn on you.

LingDiLong Thu 18-Dec-14 10:55:36

I would tell him, yes. Whether or not that is the right thing to do, I don't know. I think if I were the friend I'd want to know and feel doubly betrayed if one half of the couple was having some kind of affair with my partner while the other half kept if quiet for them.

Like you say, just give him the plain facts without embellishment and let him come to his own conclusions.

FWIW, I wouldn't believe a word out of your ex's mouth either. I've seen a few couples break up over the last few years and where there seemed to be a third party they all trotted out the 'we're just friends, there's nothing else going on' bollocks before finally admitting it all later on down the line. Sorry sad

Fanfeckintastic Thu 18-Dec-14 10:56:50

I would. You and DS will be okay x

Tryharder Thu 18-Dec-14 11:00:21

I would leave well alone. You have no proof they are or were actually shagging.

What if the friend loses his rag and beats his girlfriend up or kills her as a result of what you told him. At the vest least, you will come across as bitter and vindictive.

applesnbears Thu 18-Dec-14 11:01:03

Thanks all.. I know DS and I will be okay we're managing so far even though it didn't seem possible in the beginning. I just can't bear the thought of having to see ex now. I am soooo angry with him. Even if he is telling the truth and talking to her is all it is, it's still dodgy, it should of been me he was talking to know not his mates gf. I mean he rings her the second he leaves our home after visiting DS.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 18-Dec-14 11:54:15

He is NOT just talking to her.
Partners do NOT leave stable relationships because they have a 'chat' with a female.
You know it's a lot more than that.
Typical minimising. It's what they ALL say!

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