Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Online dating - HELP ……are these guys for real?

(38 Posts)
JALG Wed 17-Dec-14 21:34:56

Hi Peeps, I need some advice re online dating- scam or no scam. Has anyone had a similar experience? I have been registered on a couple of sites and met 4 very dodgy guys in the past year. Last week I had a chap offer up his email, telling me he was coming off the site. I set up a gmail account (for safety ) and emailed him with a "hi there"! He then sent back the most unbelievable email. It was very well composed and showed someone either completely unhinged or very emotionally aware. He was from Holland. It went on to tell me that we only get one chance in life to meet 'the one' etc etc and what he wanted in life i.e.. he said he designed Oil Platforms, he wanted to cash in his investments and buy a big house in the country for his partner and a new family. There was a photo of an extremely good looking chap! It all seemed far to good to be true and as I don't suffer fools gladly I sent a really nice reply telling him how flattered I was and how , if he didn't mind, I would like some reassurance of his authenticity before I revealed any personal information. I sent it off, expecting a gushing reply and got nothing. 48 hrs later, I enquired if he had my email, and he said (in shouty capitals) WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO PROVE I AM AUTHENTIC, WHEN I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU, BE A LADY AND TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF! Needless to say I told him where to get off and blocked him.

Next week I get a similar guy, just going going off the site (no picture) but here is my email address. I emailed him and he returned my message some 48 hrs later. The email was not so gushy and also showed he had read my profile as he commented on some of my points. He also said he was from Denmark and traded gold and gems into Europe, He lives locally and has not been married although he is 54. I replied, again saying that he sounded nice but I would not reveal personal information abut myself unless I felt he was for real. Bearing in mind his email was sent at 2am in the morning - I have not had a reply yet, giving me the feeling that this person only checks emails late at night. Also why is he just deleting his profile off the site although he said he had only been on there for a couple of weeks. Both emails were not alike BUT they both used the term "My Dear" which is quite old fashioned ? Does anyone else have any experience of this kind of message? What do you make of it - fake or real???

de1este Wed 17-Dec-14 21:39:41

I met my current GF through POF. I think it's easier for men than women on some of these dating sites. I've heard all kind of horror stories about the experiences of some women.

de1este Wed 17-Dec-14 21:40:20

These two sound odd though.

happyandsingle Wed 17-Dec-14 21:43:41

I am sure this is a fake. It's african scammers. They steal someone's photo and pretend it's them,that they are some wealthy European bussinessman who suddenly needs urgent cash for whatever and it's a common thing for them to use the word "dear" as it's a common form of greeting in the african culture.
Best thing is to block,do not be fooled,read so many stories of women being conned out of thousands by them they have no conscience.

dirtybadger Wed 17-Dec-14 21:47:16

Sounds very very dodgy to me!

Tobyjugg Wed 17-Dec-14 21:50:18

These 2 sound about as genuine as a £9 note.

Arrowminta Wed 17-Dec-14 21:59:08

I would say use your loaf.

If you want to meet someone for a realistic relationship then message people within a reasonable distance and ignore ones from xnumber of miles away or in different countries.

Common sense really.

Jingalingallnight Wed 17-Dec-14 22:03:20

Don't email someone directly until you know a bit more about them and have started to build up a rapport.

Botanicbaby Wed 17-Dec-14 22:06:53

"It went on to tell me that we only get one chance in life to meet 'the one' etc etc and what he wanted in life i.e.. he said he designed Oil Platforms, he wanted to cash in his investments and buy a big house in the country for his partner and a new family. There was a photo of an extremely good looking chap! It all seemed far to good to be true and as I don't suffer fools gladly I sent a really nice reply telling him how flattered I was..."

forgive me for saying so but someone who doesn't suffer fools gladly would not have replied to this fantastical, too-good-to-be-true email. My radar would have been going off with this one, anyone who emailed that to me would be ignored, not even worthy of a response. What a load of bollocks it is going on about designing oil platforms and who asked him about his investments. Someone that carped on about stuff like this I would just think was a liar, a predictable and boring one at that.

JALG Wed 17-Dec-14 22:12:32

Good - Well thanks for all of your constructive comments

moonfacebaby Wed 17-Dec-14 22:14:43

I had that when OD - it's a scam - i didn't respond it....

SelfLoathing Wed 17-Dec-14 22:16:26

I sent a really nice reply telling him how flattered I was and how , if he didn't mind, I would like some reassurance of his authenticity before I revealed any personal information.

They sound weird but I have to say that this ^ ^ ^ doesn't sound like the best way to deal with that.

I mean what do you expect. He doesn't know you either. Why should he provide authenticity? The way you weed out scammers is by a bit of email to and fro. It's not that hard to find holes in a story if you are paying attention. Where do you work? What do you do? - is just the start.

If he is a scammer, the above approach won't work as he'll disappear.

If he's not a scammer, he's likely to think you are a bit of a weirdo asking for "reassurance of his authenticity before you reveal any personal information." I mean god - chatting about what you like to do and what TV shows/books interest you hardly requires a passport and full fraud screening.

It comes across as a bit intense and will put off genuine people.

You need to weed in a more subtle way.

Botanicbaby Wed 17-Dec-14 22:19:33

Well you did ask OP, they all sound fake.

I think there is an online dating thread on here that will give you brilliant tips on what to watch out for from people who have been through it and have their twat radars very finely tuned and honed to perfection.

Failing that, I'd steer clear of anyone claiming to have a) an exciting job in the diamond or gem industry or b) a brilliantly clever and important one designing oil platforms.

SelfLoathing Wed 17-Dec-14 22:19:49

FYI - I just went on a date with a guy who I thought was ridiculously good looking in his photo. And thought it was going to be ultra flattering. But he turned up and looked even better. Not kidding - he was all American model quarterback good looks. He was a nice guy with a great job but no chemistry for me so he gets thrown back in the pond.

You just never know. Internet dating is basically a ton of dross and sifting for a nugget of gold. The chances of finding the nugget are low - but don't let healthy cynicism taint your view of everyone.

A good looking guy with an interesting job might be a scammer but he might actually be a good looking guy with an interesting job.

Arrowminta Wed 17-Dec-14 22:21:04

Any response to these scam emails will get the response they want.

Read up a bit OP about lonely women who have been taken for every penny they have before you respond. Also google the photo to find out if it's a models photo they have used.

SelfLoathing Wed 17-Dec-14 22:24:12

Read up a bit OP about lonely women who have been taken for every penny they have before you respond.

It's VERY important that your profile does not suggest ANY vulnerability. Don't include anything about recently divorced/lonely/needing a partner etc etc. It MUST be upbeat and positive as should your responses.

This kind of thing is what scammers target. Any woman who appears sad lonely and desperate - and you can convey that without even knowing.

"I got divorced a couple of years ago, there's been no one serious and I'd like to meet a like minded soul" = desperate to a scammer.

JALG Wed 17-Dec-14 22:24:55

I actually think both if these guys are fake, which is why the red flag, but as selfloathing said - some guys sound ridiculous but are genuine. I googled both of them and also went on Linkedin etc. Couldn't find anything. How do you google a photo?

scarletforya Wed 17-Dec-14 22:25:24

They're 'catfish' and no they're not real. Nigerian scam artists.

Tsoukalosy Wed 17-Dec-14 22:32:23

I had an e-mail from a supposed Russian man telling me my name was a very rare family name in Russia and I had inherited my families fortune as the last living relative. Yep, he called me "My Dear" in this e-mail too!

JALG Wed 17-Dec-14 22:33:16

God - Yep, I can se that I would have sounded vulnerable and lonley lol. And to think I am actually quite IT savvy and very cautious , its a scary new world out there….

Tsoukalosy Wed 17-Dec-14 22:36:44

If it's too good to be true then it defiantly is. smile

Tsoukalosy Wed 17-Dec-14 22:37:05

if it sounds....

cakedup Wed 17-Dec-14 22:49:40

You need to savvy up as these emails are very obviously from scam artists.

It all sounded too good to be true?? It sounded like a load of bollocks. Even if it wasn't a scammer which it definitely was then it's still bollocks, who goes on about meeting the one and their life future plans with their non-existent future family to someone they're trying to date?

In future, if anyone asks for your email address just tell them no, you'd rather chat on the dating site.

DoubleValiumLattePlease Wed 17-Dec-14 23:03:14

Google images with

https://www.tineye.com/

ionese Sat 10-Jan-15 16:15:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now