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If you met your DP mid-30s and wanted children, how quickly did you have them?

(103 Posts)
FreckledLeopard Wed 17-Dec-14 12:04:26

Prompted slightly by another active thread and something I've been thinking about.

If you met your DP in your mid-thirties and knew you wanted children, did you marry and/or get pregnant more quickly than you otherwise would have done if you'd been younger? Did you feel like you really 'knew' your partner or were you taking a slight chance and hoping for the best?

I met DP nearly a year ago. We both want children. Time is ticking. It would have been wonderful if we'd met a few more years ago, but as it is, we're talking about TTC at the end of next year.

Has anyone done anything similar? Any regrets?

FreckledLeopard Wed 17-Dec-14 12:20:32

Bump

1charlie1 Wed 17-Dec-14 12:22:04

Met DH when I was 36.5, had DC 7 months ago, a week after I turned 40. Married within 18 months, and together for just over 2 years before we ttc. Spent 5 months ttc, which was fine. I felt confident very early on that DH was perfect for me. I had reconciled myself to being childless had I not met the right man. Feeling very lucky things are now as they are.

FreckledLeopard Wed 17-Dec-14 12:26:01

Thank you for that! Very positive!

ClearlyOpaque Wed 17-Dec-14 12:26:02

I met my amazing fiancé when I was 38 and 2 months. We have both had our fair share of relationships which had plodded along, but we both knew this was different and for keeps. We had the marriage and baby talk very early on and agreed it was the right path for us. The only tricky bit for me was coming to terms with the fact I had to accept that I didn't have time to get married before a baby.

15 months later and I am 15w pregnant with a beautiful diamond ring on my finger. I don't know if we'd have moved slower if we were younger, but being completely sure this was the one made it easier to move things along

Not sure if that made any sense?!

Gatekeeper Wed 17-Dec-14 12:30:58

met dh when I was 36, married when I was 37 had dd at 38 ( a honeymoon baby) 'Shall we have another one'? I asked dh when dd was 1 and two weeks later was pregnant with ds

No regrets whatsoever; hadn't met the right man until then

prettywhiteguitar Wed 17-Dec-14 12:36:00

Met dp when I was 31 and he 33 and we are on our second child together and I am 36 smile

We are getting married next sept !! we talked about what we wanted after 6 -9 months as I already had a ds who was 2 and I wanted to see if he wanted a family or just be a bachelor !

You do go quicker than when you meet earlier but only if it's what you really want, my dp really wanted to settle down and us have a family life together. We lived as a family after a year, then moved into our own home after 2 years together and by this point I was pregnant.

He got a new job so we could have a child together and looked after ds like he was his own.

Don't get me wrong it was fast but we knew exactly what we wanted and we are perfect for each other

Bluruuugh !!!!

Longdistance Wed 17-Dec-14 12:42:20

Met dh when I was 30 (so only slightly younger), engaged after a year. Married the next, so a two year time frame. Was pg with dd1 after 7 months of marriage.

One of my friends was married after 10 months of meeting her dh. They were mid to late 30's.

I think you know what you want by that time of age.

MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat Wed 17-Dec-14 12:43:08

My BIL met his now wife when both approx 34/5. Sure it was right, married after 18moths or so, had a year sans dc then knocked out 3 at 18 month intervals! Very efficient and worked well. Last dc born shortly before she was 40.

But, as a midwife I have to urge extreme caution as there is no doubt that many women will struggle with their fertility in their late thirties. Have you considered having a blood test to measure your fertility? I believe they are available online. Speak to your GP. Nothing more heartbreaking than just leaving it too long.

Myfourblondies Wed 17-Dec-14 12:44:00

Met dh when I was 36, he was 45. Dd1 born when I was 37, married at 38, Dd2 born when I was 39. We consciously moved much more quickly due to age and wanting children.

ArchangelGallic Wed 17-Dec-14 12:48:04

Met DP at 34. Pregnant within 2 years. Now 40 and pregnant again. We might have left it longer to have first baby if I was a bit younger but I was conscious of my age.
Mind you, I certainly hadn't thought about wanting kids prior to meeting DP. It was being in the right relationship that prompted the maternal longings.

ChristmasHiccups Wed 17-Dec-14 12:56:04

Met dp at 34, had dd1 at 37 and dd2 at 39 as he wasn't ready before,

Hopefully getting married next year at 41!

hereandtherex Wed 17-Dec-14 12:57:37

As unfair as it sounds, I think if you want children you must start planning by 30ish.

I am pleased the previous posters have been able to find partners at virtually the last minute, fertility wise, but the problems and risk for women do start ramping up up past the age of 35.

It was only a generation ago (60s) when most women in my local area (North) were popping out kids in late teens and done before their late 20s. It still carried on, to a lesser extent. Some school friends are proud grandparents at the grand of old of 46 - her popped her first at 21, daughter popped at 25 . And, no, these are middle-classy types rather than some shellsuited benefit trash.

Butterpuff Wed 17-Dec-14 13:00:30

We are a bit younger (now 32/37) but were married and pregnant within 4 years of meeting 3 years of dating. Didn't feel like we had any need to wait longer so have just got on with it.

hereandtherex Wed 17-Dec-14 13:03:16

I should add I'm on the wrong end of hearing fertility/IVF woes from a work colleague who has just failed on her 4th IVF cycle.

She's 40. They've been together almost 20 years. For whatever reason, they decided to have kids 5 years ago.

Sad as it is, I have to sit + do the 'poor you' stuff but I sometimes go home and want to bang their heads together and scream ' Why wait for almost 20 fcking years FFS!'

I mean, some people just cannot have babies together. God knows why - gene mismatch or something. I know a few couples who've split after not having kids who then go on to meet other people and - bang! - both have kids.

teddygirlonce Wed 17-Dec-14 13:08:00

I was 36 when I met DH - was pregnant and had a baby within the year wink and fblush. We're still together years later!

IsawJimmykissingSantaClaus Wed 17-Dec-14 13:08:23

Met DH at 34. Had DC1 at 35 and DC2 at 38. Luckily no issues with conceiving. Both within 2/3 months of TTC.

Most of the stuff you do before having kids (buying a house/moving up career ladder/travel...) we had done before meeting so it didn't feel like a rush having children so early in our relationship. We were both of an age where we were happy to be homebodies.

YonicSleighdriver Wed 17-Dec-14 13:10:03

The data about the "fertility Cliff" of 35 is decades old and from rural France.

If your colleague failed at 35, there is a good chance she would have failed earlier too.

YonicSleighdriver Wed 17-Dec-14 13:11:32

Actually, centuries old!

m.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24128176

nutellawithbananas Wed 17-Dec-14 13:13:03

Met DP at 35. Pretty much agreed in the first year that we were serious about each other and that having a family was important to both of us. We started TTC when I was 36, but I had turned 37 by the time it happened. Ideally would like a 2nd and I hope it happens before I turn 40.

qazxc Wed 17-Dec-14 13:16:58

Met dp at 32. Started trying at 34. Have had 3 mc and dd at 36. She's now six months.
we were living together very quickly, he moved in after a couple of weeks.

SunnySomer Wed 17-Dec-14 13:18:01

A couple of PPs have mentioned being careful not to leave it too late and I would agree. Although we met when I was 34, we only had DS when I was 37 (even though we Knew immediately the future we wanted together). Have not had a successful pregnancy since (will not go through the angst and grim details), and now I'm 45 I know it's too late. Which is now alright. The one child we've got is fab, but his lack of sibling took quite some coming to terms with.

angeltulips Wed 17-Dec-14 13:18:41

Anecdotally I think people do move faster in their 30s, partially because they know what they want but also because the clock is ticking.

I always give friends my blessing for the really short timelines but privately I do think it's really a matter of luck as to whether the partnership survives or not. You simply don't know the person at that stage.

That said, I don't think 2 years of being together (assuming you live together?) is particularly short before ttc. I have had friends engaged/knocked up within 3 months / that's where I think it gets a bit dicey.

hereandtherex Wed 17-Dec-14 13:23:43

The comment about fertility and rural France is bollox.

You can argue about the slope but the plain fact is women's fertility drops off in their mid 20s. And the risk of complications start shooting up after 35.

Do not try and beat the odds.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility

Granville72 Wed 17-Dec-14 13:25:45

I was 37 when I met my OH.

I'd previously been in a 16yr relationship and never wanted children with my exH, but then it wasn't the most loving marriage.

My OH is 10 years younger and wanted children, our son was born when I was 39. It took us quite a while to conceive due to complications. You take for granted that you can have children naturally with no issues, and such a blow to your moral when you encounter problems conceiving.

Our son is just the best little boy, just turned 2 and is so excited about Santa this year. Without a doubt the best thing I have ever done.

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