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2 questions about cheating.

(13 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 16-Dec-14 22:56:01

1. Do most ow know that their man is married?

2. How do people react when caught out?

CogitOIOIO Tue 16-Dec-14 23:00:54

You realise that 'cheating' is a really broad church? The reasons for cheating and the people that do it are massively varied.

anywilldo Tue 16-Dec-14 23:02:05

Cog is right.

1. not always

2. really depends on the person and circumstances

usualsuspect333 Tue 16-Dec-14 23:04:03

I would say most OW know, yes.


pinkbear82 Tue 16-Dec-14 23:06:58

The ow involved with my ex knew he was engaged to me, knew I was pregnant and eventually knew that I knew about her. She also knew he then told me it was over with her, was pushing for our wedding and seeing someone else as well.

He knew I knew, I confronted him, emails, texts etc etc. I misunderstood. Clearly.

So I left, just to save any more misunderstandings, not only do I deserve better, by dd deserves a hell of a lot better.

I wish them every happiness in their relationship now. They truly deserve each other.

CupidStuntSurvivor Tue 16-Dec-14 23:40:42

I was an OW. I knew he was married but had been told they were separated for quite some time. It wasn't his wife who caught him out, it was me, 6 months into our relationship. I told her everything. Gave her proof. I'm told his reaction was 'grovelling'.

pausingforbreath Wed 17-Dec-14 00:15:33

Yes in 'my case' the OW definately knew he was married with children.

They were not 'caught out' my Dh came home one night and gave me full disclosure.....OW had booked the week off work to help him move his stuff into hers.

My reaction was a complete surprise to me- we have stayed together .

Her reaction too was surprising to that . She couldn't believe what a lying bastard he was. It really shouldn't of been a surprise - their whole 'relationship' to me was built on his lies/ deceit towards me ; but she hated it when she felt lied to by him.

I have accepted that the 'blame' lies solely with him, he was the one obligated to me / kids not her, she had never promised me anything.

Bogeyface Wed 17-Dec-14 01:26:01

It depends. In my (sadly extensive) experience, the married OW know and the single ones could go either way.

The married women understand the deal, neither of them want to break up their homes so they play the game. The single ones that know....thats where it gets complicated! She may want a FWB arrangement, may be like an ex friend of mine who got her kicks "winning" the MM and would dump him within weeks as the conquest was over or she may honestly believe the lies and think that he will leave his wife when the time is right.

The ones I feel sorry for are the single ones with no idea. My friend had to tell a friend of hers that her new man was in fact a long married and "devoted" husband with 3 kids when she saw photos of the friends "new man". Destroyed the friendship, destroyed the marriage (friend told his wife too) and the MM blamed the mistress.

Bogeyface Wed 17-Dec-14 01:28:46

Sorry, I should add that the OW thought he was single with a child from a previous relationship, which he did have. He basically acted as if his life was as it was when he met his wife. The poor woman genuinely didnt know, he totally fucked her up and she is now single in her mid 40's with no children, that she desperately wanted and thought she would have with him sad

superstarheartbreaker Wed 17-Dec-14 06:12:58

When I asked my ex if he was married he said that he was " absolutely seething."
is it just me or id thid an overreaction? His grandad had died recently but he was using that as an excuse along with poor phone reception as an excuse.
He then ended it as I didnt trust him enough. In my book trust is something you earn! X

CogitOIOIO Wed 17-Dec-14 06:46:39

You asked a question, got an impassioned answer and took it on face value. With the benefit of hindsight you're now seeing that he was really being over defensive. It happens. How or where did you meet and what made you ask in the first place?

FreudianStockingFiller Wed 17-Dec-14 07:51:23

I don't know why you're still giving this man headspace. For whatever reason, he wasn't interested enough in you to stay in touch when he was 'on manouvres'.

Move on. Do as you said you intend to do in your last thread and be single until you're better equipped to look after yourself in relationships. smile

kaykayblue Wed 17-Dec-14 10:07:53

I think a lot of men will say that they are married, but will then follow that with things like ;

"but we are living totally 100% separate lives, and plan to divorce as soon as the children are older. We just have to stay under one roof for the kids. My wife has already been dating for ages!"


"I am so desperate to leave but I am terrified of her and she is threatening to take my kids from me, I just need a reason to give me courage to leave...."

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