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engagement ring

(107 Posts)
chesram Tue 16-Dec-14 22:45:30

Hi I have recently had a mutual split with my fiancé. We got engaged 10 months ago. She said that if our engagement didn't work out that she would keep the ring and give me the money I paid for it. The ring was £1600-of which I paid £1000, she paid the rest.
When I asked for reimbursement she refused, I reminded her of what she agreed and she said " that was before I put £600 towards it".
She has kept the ring. Is that fair?

ArchangelGallic Tue 16-Dec-14 22:47:27

Yes, it's a gift.

I'm sorry you're relationship didn't work out but in law, this is a gift not a contract and you can't force her to return it.

You might not feel it's very fair but I'm afraid you'll have to live with it.

SanityClause Tue 16-Dec-14 22:53:51

An engagement ring is a gift.

Apparently there's case law, and everything.

quietlysuggests Tue 16-Dec-14 22:53:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chesram Tue 16-Dec-14 22:53:52

Im just wondering if most people would think this is fair. Im not interested in the ring or money, but if she is trustworthy after this.

Windywenceslas Tue 16-Dec-14 22:54:23

You're never getting that ring back. Though I'm not sure why she'd want to keep it, maybe she wants to pawn it. Sorry.

SanityClause Tue 16-Dec-14 22:56:44

What does it matter to you if she's "trustworthy"? You've split up. Put it down to experience.

magpieginglebells Tue 16-Dec-14 22:59:03

Yes it's fair. It was a gift.

SanityClause Tue 16-Dec-14 23:00:29

Incidentally, most people don't make an agreement about what they'll do with the ring, if they split up. They assume they won't split up.

Was the engagement perhaps an attempt to fix a relationship that was already seeming a bit shakey?

whattodoowiththeleftoverturkey Tue 16-Dec-14 23:00:54

I don't know why you care whether or not she's 'trustworthy'? Is there other property you are negotiating over?

AskMeAnother Tue 16-Dec-14 23:02:48

Kept mine, though he tried to claim it back. Later had it made into (tiny) ear-rings and pendant for dd.

chesram Tue 16-Dec-14 23:05:55

So I guess the answer is " all is fair in love and war" so its fine to go back on your word ? If its within a relationship?

CogitOIOIO Tue 16-Dec-14 23:07:26

To quote Zsa Zsa Gabor ' I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back'. Sorry old thing, a ring is a gift whatever might have been said at the time.

WoodenGo Tue 16-Dec-14 23:10:44

But it's not within a relationship, you're out of it which is the whole point.

You do know it is a very odd thing to discuss what to do with an engagement ring at the time of actually purchasing it, yeah?

CogitOIOIO Tue 16-Dec-14 23:13:15

It may be morally wrong to go back on a verbal ageement, but it's not illegal. You're out of pocket and it's a harsh lesson but if you'd been serious about it as an actual contract and thought there was a possibility of things not working out, you should have got something documented. Then you could pursue her in court.

CheeseBuster Tue 16-Dec-14 23:14:31

She is being unreasonable. If you don't get married, you give the ring back. Equally you are being unreasonable in that you shouldn't ask for the ring back.

MsVanRein Tue 16-Dec-14 23:14:58

Yes it's fair, its a gift and hers to do what she wants with regardless of what was said at the time. If you were on such shaky ground as to discuss what would happen to the ring if you split you probably shouldn't have gotten engaged.

qazxc Tue 16-Dec-14 23:16:54

whilst it is the custom to hand back ring after an engagement has broken up, legally it is a gift and is therefore her property.
Unless you have in writing a contract that stipulates she is to pay you the £1000, there is nothing you can do.
Draw a line under it and move on.

oswellkettleblack Tue 16-Dec-14 23:17:40

You have split up. Let go and move on. Life is not fair.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Tue 16-Dec-14 23:18:30

I think an engagement ring is a gift. But if memory serves, Judge Judy rules they should be returned - they are part of 'contract' only to be kept if the marriage takes place.

But your ex paid toward it. JJ would probably make her give the ring back but you'd have to pay your ex £600 grin

AuntieStella Tue 16-Dec-14 23:19:09

I think that gifts that are given in anticipation of a marriage that does not take place should be returned.

You cannot compel it legally though (as in court if would be your word against hers). Nor can you expect everyone else to share the same views on what gets returned when an engagement is broken off. For example, have you returned any engagement gifts from her?

SanityClause Tue 16-Dec-14 23:21:30

It is not necessarily custom to hand the ring back. If the woman decides to break up, then yes, but if the man does, it would be more usual for her to keep it. Traditionally, the ring would be a kind of compensation for the woman if the man changed his mind.

Strictly speaking an engagement ring is a gift, and as such belongs to the recipient.

chesram Tue 16-Dec-14 23:22:18

So out of 17 posts, only one person thinks this is morally wrong.

SanityClause Tue 16-Dec-14 23:23:07

In fact, if a woman broke off an engagement, the

oswellkettleblack Tue 16-Dec-14 23:25:01

Why do you care? Let it go. Who cares what a bunch of internet sprites think? You have split. She won't give the ring back. She does not have to.

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