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Feeling guilty about dating...

(6 Posts)
candyce83 Tue 16-Dec-14 21:51:58

So I came out of a two and a half year very intense (lesbian) relationship back in May. It was a very upsetting relationship and their were mental health issues. She had bpd so it was very push pull, she constantly accused me of cheating with every woman in my life(including her ex husband) and I pretty much lost all my marbles eventually. I felt it was an ea relationship even though she probably didn't try to. Its just the nature of bpd. She ended things finally and Im pretty over it but had to find myself again. I have loved being single and just learning to care for and love myself again. I have had no need for a relationship....however, Ive started speaking to someone that I know and I really like her...however I actually feel really guilty and I don't know why?

Also one of my models at work(im a hairdresser) found out I was gay and she really started flirting with me and said shed definitely like to go there. she is gorgeous but i just wanted to crawl inside a hole and disappear.

Im beginning to worry that maybe im not suited to relationships and when someone likes me it feels really claustrophobic and I just want to run away. I guess I don't really know what im saying but what is wrong with me????

CogitOIOIO Tue 16-Dec-14 22:07:41

There's probably nothing wrong with you beyond wanting a bit of time to yourself to get your confidence back and find your balance. If your last relationship was so emotionally abusive you might even want to consider counselling

candyce83 Tue 16-Dec-14 22:18:33

I was doing private counseling but had to stop due to finances...I think I feel really scared about her finding out...its ridiculous really. She's blocked from every social network site but shell throw me a text every once in awhile to remind me of her existance. The last one was to do with her eBay account and did i get the money from something she sold...(wtf???) I have gone NC though.

Maybe i just need more time to be on my own. I feel pretty afraid of women if im honest which is odd because I am one!

heyday Tue 16-Dec-14 22:24:17

You were hurt and you were damaged by your last relationship and as cog says, you probably need time to fully heal. When we get badly hurt we can sometimes build 'walls' around ourselves for emotional protection and this could well be what you are doing now as a defence mechanism.
There is nothing wrong with going out for a coffee/drink with someone just to dip your toe in the water again. Nothing has to come of it and you can stay fully in control but you may well enjoy the experience and it could help to slowly re build your bruised self confidence.
Be kind to yourself, things should get better in time.

candyce83 Tue 16-Dec-14 22:29:38

I think youve hit the nail on the head. I kind of feel like Ive shut myself off from a lot of people. I ended all my friendships with her friends but that was cuz I wanted some genuine distance from all of it. I do genuinely feel afraid of her still. Im pretty introverted anyway but ive started taking an "i don't need anyone," sort of approach to people in general. My walls must be well and truly up. It actually makes me feel a bit sad. I just don't want to hurt anyone.

Adarajames Tue 16-Dec-14 22:33:55

If you've only been single since May, you do likely just need more time. It's taken be around 3 years before to recover from the ending of a very intense relationship, and that's not taking the abuse into account. Just relax, give yourself time and try to be gentle with yourself and not expect everything to be simple as life and def relationships (and women!! ��) aren't!

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