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Telling someone you love them

(18 Posts)
LalaLoopsylover Tue 16-Dec-14 13:20:21

Ok, this is a first world problem compared to many on this board!

I'm 32, I have a young daughter and split from my husband about 18 months ago. Not that it's relevant to this question but it was a crap marriage and he was pretty EA. It took a while to break free.

I met a man 4 months ago. He's my age and it's been brilliant. Just really easy. We see each other as much as possible which is 2-3 times a week because of work and my child are. We talk everyday either on the phone or by text.

We get on great. There's a lot of attraction. We have fun, we're really affectionate. He hasn't met DD, he has said he would love to but I want to hold off a few more months. We've had "chats" about how much we like each other and how lovely it all is bla bla bla!

Lately when I'm with him I just feel so loved up and I feel like it's actually a struggle to hold in "I love you" when we're cuddled up falling asleep or had a couple of wines!

What if he's not there yet?
Is it too soon?
Am I ridiculous and do I need to grow up and realise it can't possibly be love yet or do I need to grow a pair and just say it?

I don't think he would tell me that yet. He's mentioned a few times about trying to go at my pace as I am slightly more guarded then him and my situation is more complicated with DD etc.

So....when is too soon?

Quitelikely Tue 16-Dec-14 13:23:42

I think four months is a reasonable amount of time to fall in love with someone.

I've never said it first. I've asked the question first though! Maybe do that and when you get your answer reply with a grin 'just checking'!

GingerbreadPudding Tue 16-Dec-14 15:22:59

I loved my husband after about four weeks. I told him, he told me the same. What's to lose really?

CogitOIOIO Tue 16-Dec-14 15:42:49

I'm a big 'I love you' person. I tell family, friends, all kinds of people I love them and if they don't say it back I really don't take it personally. Because I think the world needs more love, I'd encourage you to express yourself. .... whatever the reaction

LalaLoopsylover Tue 16-Dec-14 16:08:54

Thanks! I'll just go with it then! Maybe not try to bite my tongue next time I get the urge.

Cog I'm the same - I tell everyone I love them. Friends, family, my daughter - all the time. And he is too, I've heard him say it to his parents which is unusual to other blokes I've known.

quite I like the idea of doing that but if the answer was no, I imagine it wouldn't feel so light hearted and funny!!

My ex husband was terrible with emotions and cringed when I first told him I loved him. I would hate for that to happen this time. I do like saying it though

LalaLoopsylover Tue 16-Dec-14 16:12:43

I've actually thought of a really thoughtful christmas present for him, he's really big on thoughtful gifts. Would it be completely crap to write it on that?!

Joysmum Tue 16-Dec-14 16:55:03

If he's trying to go at your pace as you're more guarded, he might be waiting for you to play catchup and take the lead on indicating where you're at.

My DH did this with me, although he never knew why but his instincts were spot on smile

LalaLoopsylover Sat 20-Dec-14 20:04:19

Well...
We had a lovely night. Drinks and food. He has had a lot of work issues recently and told me how grateful he has been for my support, how I'm the first person he calls, how he can't remember not knowing me, how great the last four months have been and how happy he feels.

I felt all gooey and said it

He said "really?!"

Then he told me he wants to be more cautious (his ex wife cheated), to him that is a big milestone and a sign of big commitment and he doesn't feel ready to say it back.

I said it was ok, to me it's not that big a deal, to me it's more of a nice feeling with no expectations attached. And I carried on smiling even though I wanted to die inside.

Then we had really good sex a bit later.

Bit I'm worried I may have ruined it a little bit

CogitOIOIO Sat 20-Dec-14 20:10:40

You've been honest and open about your affection, not made it conditional, and I think you can always stand by that.

LalaLoopsylover Sat 20-Dec-14 20:15:11

I know. Hurts a bit though. I don't feel like we're on different pages but Im having to force myself to not go into self preservation mode and do any backing off and keep it normal. I'll get over it. I think

CogitOIOIO Sat 20-Dec-14 20:24:59

It's 'out there', he'll think about, and all you have to do is carry on as normal. You made out it was a casual statement so be consistent with that rather than deciding, after the event, that it was a big deal after all. See how it goes.

Dowser Sat 20-Dec-14 21:10:28

Awww. Hopefully he will reciprocate sooner rather than later.

Sweetpea01 Sat 20-Dec-14 21:53:39

My DP waited about a week after I said it to say it back smile

He had similar reasons and just wanted to be sure. He was very graceful about me saying it, though I refrained from saying it again and waited for him after that.

Best part was, he'd actually suggested we leave his friend's party early and go home, we were just gearing up for sex when he stopped and said it.

So don't worry OP, it isn't a given that you've spoiled anything at all smile

Twinklestein Sat 20-Dec-14 22:37:29

Don't worry OP my husband said it after about 4 weeks, didn't put me off. I don't think you can put someone off if it's right long term. I said similar to your husband, took me a long time to say it back to him - about 6 months - he swears it was longer - because I wanted to check him out and be sure.

Twinklestein Sat 20-Dec-14 22:40:02

Also - one of my best friends fell in love with an old friend of hers and confessed one day. He said he needed some time to think about it, and they kept in touch and finally he decided he loved her too (can't remember the time frame) and that was about 17 years and 3 children ago.

loveareadingthanks Mon 22-Dec-14 11:23:28

You haven't ruined it.

DP told me first, and I wasn't there at that point and did much the same reply as your boyfriend. I know you feel bad but he probably feels bad as well - everyone knows the expected response is 'me too!'.

At least he is being honest with you and he hasn't said anything about not expecting to ever feel that way.

give it time.

Destinycalls Mon 22-Dec-14 11:49:05

Can you clone him? grin

After saying 'I love you' a thousand times of course!

Destinycalls Mon 22-Dec-14 11:51:11

Sorry didn't read your last post sad

But I don't think it's done any harm. They are only words and you have to look at the relationship as a whole.

He still sounds lovely!

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