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Confused - he prefers tiny women

(160 Posts)
chirripwhoo Tue 16-Dec-14 12:49:59

I'm not sure how anyone can really help with this, but I can't talk to my friends and feel so alone.
Basically, I'm in my late 30s, and my partner (together 4 years, no children) has become increasingly negative about me and my body. He will poke my stomach to see if it is soft, and try to grab the flesh around my hips, or the bit below my bra to check if there is anything "extra". He says he has to close his eyes when we have sex as he can't bear to see any folds of flesh.

I know he looks at lots of images of young women online, always tiny and perfect and teens/early 20s. I simply can't look like that. I should add that he's a good 2 stone overweight. He's also started giving me tiny portions of food in comparison to his and getting narked if I ask for more or serve myself more. I'm active and get so tired if I don't eat enough, but he will watch every bit I put in my mouth like a hawk. I truly don't know what to do!

CheerfulYank Tue 16-Dec-14 12:51:25

Leave him.


OddFodd Tue 16-Dec-14 12:52:20

Dump him. You'll be 90 kgs lighter instantly!

Seriously - he says he has to close his eyes when you're having sex as he can't bear to look at you? He's emotionally abusive and foul.

If you stay, he'll destroy your self-esteem

nikki1978 Tue 16-Dec-14 12:53:38

What CheerfulYank says. You don't have kids so not as difficult to walk out. You can do better. Much much better.

JuanDirection Tue 16-Dec-14 12:53:47

OMG! It's irrelevant what he prefers. He is treating you like crap, what the hell?! Why are you still with him? Seriously, leave!

WanderingTrolley1 Tue 16-Dec-14 12:53:59

You're wasting your life with him.

You're worth more.

Blue69 Tue 16-Dec-14 12:54:23

What are you confused about, chirripwhoo?

Itscurtainsforyou Tue 16-Dec-14 12:54:37

When did this start? Is there anything you think might have triggered this?

If someone said that about me (about closing eyes when having sex to avoid seeing folds of flesh) I would be furious, especially as he is overweight. I would also be tempted to tell him that he should perhaps leave and find someone that he isn't so revolted by.

You don't deserve being on the receiving end of these comments and you need to let him know that he's jeopardising your relationship by coming out with them.

Miggsie Tue 16-Dec-14 12:56:25

Your only option is to leave him - he is controlling and certainly is not in love with you any more.

ofshoes Tue 16-Dec-14 12:57:41

I think Mumsnet can occasionally be a bit over zealous with the old "LTB" but seriously this man sounds like the biggest arse that ever lived and you probably should tell him to get the fuck out of your life

VitalStollenFix Tue 16-Dec-14 12:58:49

Leaving him is an option. What you describe is just horrible. Who the hell does he think you are? controlling what you eat? Inspecting your body? shock

AskMeAnother Tue 16-Dec-14 12:59:02

Leave him. Today would be a good day for that. Then tomorrow, you can start to heal. He's horrible. Really.

VitalStollenFix Tue 16-Dec-14 12:59:29

who does he think he is, that should read.

sorry. I got so angry my fingers went funny. grin

Truly, he is a twat of the highest order.

mumonashoestring Tue 16-Dec-14 12:59:57

Well, you could try putting a selection of images of stunning, buff male bodies under his nose, telling him he's revoltingly overweight and serving him up a single celery stick for dinner, but honestly it would be easier and kinder (on yourself) to dump the hypocritical toerag.

Kewcumber Tue 16-Dec-14 13:00:13

I truly don't know what to do!

Yes you do.

motleymop Tue 16-Dec-14 13:03:00

Is this a joke? I can't believe what I am reading. You need shot of him I am afraid.

MrsWolowitz Tue 16-Dec-14 13:03:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinklebells Tue 16-Dec-14 13:03:57

I am astounded you don't know what to do. He isn't going to change. Your only choice is to leave surely? He isn't going to change is he, just get progressive worse and more abusive?

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Tue 16-Dec-14 13:04:45


what a horrid human being

run for the hills
face it, he's in no shape to catch up with you

MadameOvary Tue 16-Dec-14 13:05:48

Are you telling yourself that he doesn't mean to be hurtful, that he's a nice guy really, that you could point out loads of nice things he does.

OP, listen, please, and sorry for shouting but:


Please leave, him, or at least ask yourself why you would even contemplate continuing the relationship when he has been so rude, abusive and disrespectful.

(I speak from experience)

GoodKingQuintless Tue 16-Dec-14 13:07:12

erm, controlling how much or little you eat, is pretty controlling. He is nasty and unkind. As you dont have children tying you to him, there is no reason why you should not move on!

HellKitty Tue 16-Dec-14 13:07:39

Jesus Christ. LTB totally.
And when he's gone treat yourself to a large Toblerone. What an utter, utter, wanker.

MonstrousRatbag Tue 16-Dec-14 13:08:52

This is awful.

Your appearance is not the key issue though, is it? It is the peg on which your nasty DH has chosen to hang his dissatisfaction, peevishness (with himself as much as with you, probably) and lack of respect.

Stop having sex with him. Given how he claims to feel it would be a kindness to him as well as you.

The relationship sounds as though it has run its course. I'm sorry.

MissBattleaxe Tue 16-Dec-14 13:09:16

Oh my God.

Leave him today before he sucks away all your self esteem and gets you believing the same shit as him. How dare he? This is emotional abuse. He is belittling you and setting you impossible standards that nobody can ever meet and depriving you of food and nutrition and controlling you.

Can you think of any reasons why you should stay? Please leave him.

despomum41 Tue 16-Dec-14 13:10:35

kick him out /leave him you deserve more than a twat like that,
do u think he fancies someone else ?? and trying to find a cowards way out

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