I will try to keep the as short as possible. Occasional poster, long time lurker.
I was in an abuse marriage for 16 years 3 DC. He left over 7 years ago for OW. Dramatic situation with her that left me very scarred. I spent the next 5 years single working on myself, building my life/career prospects and generally avoiding another idiot.
2 1/2 years ago I met this really wonderful, kind, gentle non-abusive guy who was a lot younger than me. The 16 year age gap put me off but he looked and acted far beyond his years.
I'll cut to the chase and own up that I rushed into the relationship but it was easier to let the guy into my life and kids lives than spend time away from my kids with all the dating (he never moved in but was round at my house every day. Nights over were eased in very gradually).
We had a great relationship, he never once even raised his voice to me and was very supportive and helpful through some very difficult times for me including the sudden death of a very close family member, uni and a child with very complex learning disabilities.
He would tell me he loved me multiple times a day right through the whole course of the relationship and surprise me with gifts very often. The way he was with me every friend/family member reassured me he was not capable of hurting me.
However, the one problem that actually caused me to become quite unhappy was that he never had any close friends (and I was never introduced to any) and he never introduced me to his parents. He used his dad's ill health and other things as an excuse. He would speak to them on the phone about me and they would send gifts for me and I'd sit outside his house in the car while he would talk briefly with them at the doorstep. He swore blind he had told them the extent of the age gap and they were fine with it. Several time I tried to end it because of this but he would get so upset I genuinely though the guy really wanted the relationship that much.
Earlier on this year during my uni finals when I had asked him to stay at home so I could study, he joined the gym. I thought this was great as he did not have any friends anyway so would be good for him, and he met a few guys there and got into training 5 nights a week. After finals were over I started full time work and assumed he would cut down nights in the gym so that we could spend time together but he wouldn't. This started to cause problems.
Around about a 2 months ago I got the 'gut feeling', so to cut a long story short I tried to end the relationship to get him to see the problems this excessive gym going was causing. But this time he just accepted it gracefully and sad "oh well we can still be friends". I just knew. It turned out he had been "texting" a girl from the gym, and it really was only recent, not many very suggestive/dirty texts.
This is the situation now: he has dropped me like he was dating me 2 weeks. The girl is not sure if she wants a relationship and has said they will have a couple of dates and see how it goes. He was very upset by this and after 3 weeks of NC text and called me because he wanted to still be friends (he demo does not still want the relationship.
So ladies, WTAF had happened here? He has left me in a state of shock and wondering if I will ever recover. I have had an ongoing anxiety attack since and have lost so much sleep, can't eat and dropped a load of weight. Please help straighten me out.
If you got this far then thank you.
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Relationships
I know I've been stupid but please help me unpick this
104 replies
anywilldo · 15/12/2014 21:00
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