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How do I mend and decipher my twat radar?

(3 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Mon 15-Dec-14 20:48:54

So most of you know about my relationship issues and that I need to take a break from dating. In the mean time how do I mend my twat radar? I just no longer trust my judgement at all.

My ex says I didn't trust him and he's right but I have no idea if that's down to my extensive trust issues or if my intuition is correct.

For example: I asked him if he had someone else ( for the third time) and he said he was absolutely seething . Does this mean that he was caught out. He says he feels there was no trust in the relationship so no point. We ended it mutually.

If a man is very complimentary on a first date I immediately assume he's after just sex or abusive. Why can't I take them at face value.

It's almost like I interpret everything as a red flag. So I have no idea if I'm making the right judgements at all.

Note to self: must book therapy in New Year!

CogitOIOIO Mon 15-Dec-14 21:02:16

I think the answer is to be observant and inquiring without being overtly suspicious. Asking 'are you seeing someone else?' (or similar) is a blunt instrument that the cheat is never going to answer honestly. But a liar is also going to be inconsistent at some point and give themselves away. The discussion here recently about whether MILF was a compliment or not..... that's an observation you can draw conclusions from. Asking opinions about current affairs or politics can tell you a lot about someone's values and attitudes. As does what they find funny. Cruel jokes? Racist jokes? Chubby Brown?

LadyBlaBlah Mon 15-Dec-14 21:30:06

I think you are doing the right thing already....I think most people trying to heal will be super sensitive looking for red flags.....GOOD I say!

It's part of the process. Clock em then see if they add up to a pattern of behaviour or if they cross a boundary...goodbye.

It's ok to be cautious right now...healthy even. Mine started off totes paranoid....and it protected me.
I think they are less erm, straight to writing people off now and more 'fair' but certainly not slack boundaries either. It just takes time in my experience.

Stay single though for a bit though if you can. I'm afraid most probably anyone interested in you now is prob a red flag in itself. Not that you are horrid wink, just vulnerable.

You'll be reet smile

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