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ASD adult son. How to advise or help with personal relationships.

(8 Posts)
ModreB Mon 15-Dec-14 20:20:24

DS2 is ASD, away at Uni. We never thought he could do that, but he is in his second year and doing well. Very proud.

He has asked about how to form relationships with girls, and how to explain the ASD. I'm stuck now. I have helped him all the years, school, sports, getting on the degree course, but I am at a loss now.

He has said, he understands that he has to watch all aspects of people, to understand their moods, to respond to them and to react in an appropriate way, but struggles with relationships with girls.

Festivelybereft Mon 15-Dec-14 20:32:39

I can't offer advice to help but I can give a little insight.
I have ASD and am almost 40.

Little was understood when I was a teen so through ss and parental supervision I was thrown in at the deep end.

I've discovered that for me it takes 10 times as long to work out others emotions or motives and that is only if I can relate to it myself.

I don't know where your DS is on the spectrum I would suggest that you can't interfere enough.
Don't take the approach my carers did with a sink or swim attitude.
He won't understand he is sinking.

Far better imo to keep a very very close eye and keep helping him make good choices smile

ModreB Mon 15-Dec-14 20:49:12

Thank you. I don't want to interfere with his personal relationships, its none of my business, he is an adult, but he has asked me for advice.

We have talked about financial abuse (he could be vulnerable to this) and about treating every person with respect, which has gone well. He understands that he doesn't always get social cues to stop talking, start listening, and understand that someone doesn't always have the same point of view as you. But is learning.

But, he is an intelligent, good looking 23 yo who wants a meaningful relationship with someone who he can care for, but who can accept him as he is.

That is what he told me, and asked for help.

And he is such a gentle soul.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Mon 15-Dec-14 20:53:04

Are there any asd adult groups in his area that he could join? There are some held in South East Lpndon.

Maybe something like that could help him develop his confidence and social skills?

PamDooveOrangeJoof Mon 15-Dec-14 20:57:18

The National Autistic Society runs pub nights in Greenwich, maybe they do something like that where your son is?

Festivelybereft Mon 15-Dec-14 21:22:47

Under the Stars is my local one.

They have plenty of practical experience.

PamDooveOrangeJoof Mon 15-Dec-14 21:26:49

The nas night aren't dating nights I don't think. Just social evenings for adults but if you meet a partner out of it even better.

ModreB Tue 16-Dec-14 01:32:57

Just checked, and they don't do them within reasonable distance of where we live for teens. He went to an ASD youth club, so I will check and see if they do some local stuff for adults, as well as where he is at Uni.

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