Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Sometimes I think of horrible things I want to say to someone who has hurt me and then feel like a terrible person

(6 Posts)
goldglitterystar Mon 15-Dec-14 19:36:23

I have just come out of a shitty relationship so am feeling pretty raw and particularly quite angry at both myself and my ex.

I keep thinking of things that I would want to say to him (and also others who have hurt me in the past) only to then feel like a terrible person for even thinking those things. Things like telling them they are a bunch of lonely, selfish bastards who only have to look at their lonely lives to see who and what the problem is and why.

I have never actually said anything like this to anyone. I don't know if perhaps it wouldn't be that awful if I did (if I was provoked). But I feel so guilty and like a bad person for even thinking these things.

I doubt I'm making any sense. Does anyone else have this?

thingswesaidtoday Mon 15-Dec-14 19:38:28

I don't think it makes you a bad person. Maybe you could write these things down so that you are releasing the feelings somewhat?

CogitOIOIO Mon 15-Dec-14 20:24:21

There's a story cricket umpire Dickie Bird tells about a player upset with one of his decisions.
'If I was to call you a cunt' says the player, 'what would you do?'
'I'd have to send you off the field' replies Dickie
'And if I was just to think it, what would you do?
'I can't penalise you for thinking' says Dickie
'in that case' says the player 'I think you're a cunt'

There are no penalties for thinking,,,,,

CogitOIOIO Mon 15-Dec-14 20:33:11

But seriously...... A life spent passively biting your tongue, or even biting your thoughts, in the face of provocation can be a very stressful and soul destroying experience. It's far better to vent your feelings and risk causing some upset now and again than to allow others to think they can insult you with no consequences.

nicenewdusters Tue 16-Dec-14 10:37:05

I think it's perfectly normal to think "bad" things about people who you feel have treated you badly, why would you be thinking nice things ? It's also normal to re-run situations and think what you might have said, or what you might do if/when you see them next. They are after all only thoughts, it's your mind, your experience, and you're entitled to have whatever thoughts you so choose.

I think this only applies for a certain time though. If the thoughts become intrusive, and you find yourself dwelling on them, you need to consider how you're dealing with the situation. Perhaps there are certain things you need to say to someone in real life in order to move on. Or maybe you need to get to a point where you can begin to draw a line under things, very difficult to reach sometimes.

pregnantpause Tue 16-Dec-14 11:39:11

I do this. I have whole conversations in my head with people who hurt me as a child- I'll see then as an adult and give them a dressing down - being wonderfully witty and strong in my damning appraisal of them and their treatment of me. Of course were I ever to actually walk past them this would not happen. I think of how I would tell my mother just how much I hate her and what she does to me, every time she does something that hurts ( often) I mull over what I'd like to say to her. Except I don't actually say it. It's normal for me at least

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: