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Would you date a single mom with 4 children from 3 different partners living on benefits

(182 Posts)
Magicman1 Mon 15-Dec-14 15:59:25

For a while I have been chatting to this woman online she seems really nice but I wonder if I should date her.
I am late thirties single no children etc living up north.
We get on well and she would like to meet but I'm no sure what's best.
She has four children from three different partners. None of her exes bother with her children and she often gets depressed about her predicament of being a single mother with 4 kids living on benefits.

Do you think I should meet her or should I steer clear.
I like this woman but not sure it would be a good idea to get too involved
What do you think?

Any advice would be appreciated ladies

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 15-Dec-14 16:00:10


Joysmum Mon 15-Dec-14 16:03:31

I go on what people are like, not what their circumstances are.

juneau Mon 15-Dec-14 16:05:05

It doesn't matter what we'd do. If this is a problem for you, don't meet her.

Magicman1 Mon 15-Dec-14 16:06:51

Thanks joysmum fair enough that what I wanted people honest opinions

ghostspirit Mon 15-Dec-14 16:07:32

does it matter to you that shes on benefits.. alot of people are even if they work. but even if shes not working again does it matter?

does it worry you that she has 4 children.

MiniTheMinxLovesMinxPies Mon 15-Dec-14 16:07:39

I guess you could say she has poor judgement, she is also giving you the time of day. Should someone be judged for having poor judgement, they could actually be a very nice person even if they are a bit naive.

JustMuddlingBobBobBobbingAlong Mon 15-Dec-14 16:09:37

I would steer clear. She must be busy enough with 4 kids, without having to explain herself to a judgmental individual such as you. HTH

MiniTheMinxLovesMinxPies Mon 15-Dec-14 16:09:49

I wonder if she knows that people will make a value judgement about her life circumstances and choices. I wonder how she might feel if she knew that you had sought advice on her past decisions. Mmm. I think she deserve someone who won't judge her.

Magicman1 Mon 15-Dec-14 16:11:26

No it doesn't bother me that she's on benefits as anybody can fall on hard time ghost spirit
I do like her it just I wonder if long term it would work

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 15-Dec-14 16:12:30

if it doesn't bother you why is it in your thread title?
IMO this is just some goady kind of thread.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 15-Dec-14 16:13:15

yes I bet the poor woman has bad judgement skills that is why she is talking to you.

Magicman1 Mon 15-Dec-14 16:15:23

Sometimes it bothers me then other times it don't
Like your sense of humour sunny

WinterGloves Mon 15-Dec-14 16:16:29

I have 4 children from 2 different partners and I am on benefits.

I think any man would be lucky to date me. I'm funny, intelligent, witty, loyal, caring... The list goes on.

And if it was me you were talking about, judging, and wondering if I was worth you time, then I would run a mile, because you are always going to think that little bit less of her, always see yourself as doing her a favour by being with her, and I wouldn't want to waste my time with you.

MiniTheMinxLovesMinxPies Mon 15-Dec-14 16:17:04

What exactly about her past decisions and having children will ensure that it won't work for you long term? Does claiming benefits infer that people are unable to have LTR? What makes a woman with four children less able to have a LTR? do tell...

BarbarianMum Mon 15-Dec-14 16:18:04

Would i date a single father of 4 children by different mothers who was living on benefits? No, I definitely wouldn't - too much baggage and I would really worry about his judgement.

I'd admire him for doing the decent thing by his children but relationship material - no way.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 15-Dec-14 16:19:41

mmm i dont know barbmum, that might be kind of sexy....if he was looking after them all of course!
Actually one of the best mums I know has 4 kids by 4 dads.

FreckledLeopard Mon 15-Dec-14 16:19:51

I wouldn't and I say that as a single mother myself. I have previously dated people with children and have decided it's not for me. Massively hypocritical, yes, but I am not a big fan of other people's children.

Magicman1 Mon 15-Dec-14 16:22:02

I Don't think less of her winter gloves as I like her as a person it just that is complicated as she has 4kids from three different men

Magicman1 Mon 15-Dec-14 16:24:21

Thank you all for your comments it's giving me food for thought keep the replies coming

Windywenceslas Mon 15-Dec-14 16:24:46

If you're not interested in dating women with 4 children, stop chatting to them online. Their parentage is irrelevant. Either you're open to the idea of dating a woman with children (and the responsibilities that involves) or you're not.

fakenamefornow Mon 15-Dec-14 16:25:39

I would steer clear to be honest, I know I will be flamed for that though.

My reasoning would be that she seems to have poor decision making, to me four children by three different partners just sounds irresponsible, although not nearly as irresponsible as the children's fathers have been.

MiniTheMinxLovesMinxPies Mon 15-Dec-14 16:25:44

But those men have little to do with the children? is that right? Far more complicated scenario would be three devoted fathers. That would be difficult, no? At least you won't be falling over all these men cluttering up the hallway every Saturday morning. How old are the children?

elsabelle Mon 15-Dec-14 16:26:57

If i'd met them through work or something and really liked them then yes i would, but i wouldnt meet up with someone in that situation that id only chatted to online and didnt know from Adam. Probably a bit harsh of me but thats my honest response.

ebolahat Mon 15-Dec-14 16:27:45

In all honesty I would steer clear. Too much potential baggage and too many exes.

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