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To scared to end it! Incase he gets access to baby

(12 Posts)
Namechangeragain1234 Mon 15-Dec-14 10:33:12

Name changed!

Basically I'm very unhappy and want out of my relationship! I don't love him and things have been going wrong for long time!

Unplanned pregnancy which he didn't want, was very nasty about but now baby is here he loves dearly!

I'm scared to end it incase he takes it to court to get access, I just don't trust him alone with baby, he drinks, drink drives, and already caused a avoidable accident when baby was 5 weeks old that resulted in bump to head and overnight stay in hospital!

I'm purely still with him so he can see baby under my supervision!

He is not on the birth cert though is pushing for this! I'm currently thinking about sticking it out while I get proof of his drinking etc, try to get him caught drink driving, go seek professional advice after Xmas!

How can I make sure if it goes to court he will never get proper weekend access, I just can't allow my baby to be put in a car with him and taken off 40 miles away, I would never forgive myself if I knowingly put her in danger. Any access he gets needs to be here, at my house!

I just don't know what to do, do I just suck it up for the sake of my baby? He is only ever hear weekends anyway!

Twinklebells Mon 15-Dec-14 10:36:11

Definitely report drink driving, speak to your HV, doc, Women's Aid perhaps too. The more you get documented now the better.

CogitOIOIO Mon 15-Dec-14 10:57:09

Please don't stick around out of fear of his care for the baby. You're not married and he's not on the birth certificate so his 'rights' are limited. If you leave while the baby is very small you're in a better position to argue that he shouldn't have the baby overnight or take them too far from home than if they are older and more independent. If he really does drink/drive then talk to the police.... he shouldn't be on the road at all.

Ultimately however, you will have to come to terms with the fact that, unless you can prove the child is in real risk of danger, harm or neglect when in his care, he will probably have some access. Best to think how to make the most of that situation rather than try to deny access completely or believe that you are trapped with him.

mamato3luvleys Mon 15-Dec-14 11:00:41

Or you could also watch him have a few too many drinks and grab his car keys as soon as he starts the engine ring the police and give his car details that way they would get him and am sure that there's extra patrols to catch drink drivers in the festive season. Just hope he gets caught before he causes another accident.

mamato3luvleys Mon 15-Dec-14 11:02:27

Also opt for supervised access in a children's centre if you do leave him and he wants the access.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 15-Dec-14 11:04:47

Seek professional advice now rather than after Christmas; January and February tend to be the Solicitors busiest months.

Do you think that such an inherently selfish man would actually take or want to take any real interest in his child once you have separated?. He likely will not do so.

And what CogitOIOIO wrote earlier in its entirety.

CogitOIOIO Mon 15-Dec-14 11:09:22

Of course... if you stay with a man you don't trust to be responsible with a small child what you're really signing up for is never letting them out of your sight 24/7. How realistic is that? How long before he notices that you never leave him alone with the baby?

rumbleinthrjungle Mon 15-Dec-14 12:25:31

From what I understand of how courts currently view contact, it would seem to me very unlikely you'd succeed in preventing contact and overnights long term, but not until the baby is older. Are you BFing?

You do need professional advice and you would probably need him to have drink drive convictions for that to be an objective concern - courts will only do objective and evidenced. Collect all the evidence and paper trail you can.

Namechangeragain1234 Mon 15-Dec-14 12:32:31

So far I have a email sent at beginning of my pregnancy admitting he has a drink problem, drink drives, and keeps drink in the car to help him drive the following day when feeling rough, it also stated that he intends to go to AA, which he did for few weeks!

He has a past 2 year ban for drink driving a good few years back but still does it!

No I'm no longer B/feeding

I'm hoping that it won't actually get as far as court, and as others have said it prob won't but just want to make 100% sure that if it does I'm ready! Which is why I'm currently sticking it out to gather evidence!

Just trying to figure out what I need

MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat Mon 15-Dec-14 12:37:05

Move a long way away. That would make regular contact hard from the start.

Namechangeragain1234 Mon 15-Dec-14 12:47:57

Sadly moving would not be a option, have to consider my older dc's and there relationship with my exh!

I do actually live 40 miles away from bf and I know he would prob cancel a lot as couldn't be arsed to drive over after big night out etc but I also know 100% he will put huge pressure on me constantly for access

wallypops Mon 15-Dec-14 12:53:16

Try and get access scheduled for Sunday morning, when he is least likely to be up for it.

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