DP and I have been together for nearly four years, living together for a year and a half. We are happy - he makes me laugh, he is kind, gentle, generous, amazing with DD, his children are delightful, my cats love him, he cooks, washed up after himself, gives me a lie-in every weekend and then wakes me up with breakfast in bed - and I'm having the BEST sex of my life.
So what's the problem? What more could I ask for?
Here it is - he doesn't want to get married. He says he loves me every day, and wants us to be together until we're so old we're taking turns on the Zimmer frame - but he won't marry me. He can't say why - it's not that he doesn't see a future with me, or that he's keeping his options open - but there is "something" that he is waiting for before popping the question, and he's not sure what that is or when it'll happen.
There have been lots of excuses over the years - ranging from "I need to sell my property first so I have the £ to buy you a ring" to "I want to wait till we're next in (my home country) so I can ask your Dad and Granny in person" but each time it doesn't happen.
Marriage IS important to me. It's not just the financial security, or the shiny ring, the piece of paper - I WANT to be joined to him forever, and wake up next to him every day. It hurts so much that he doesn't want me this way... we have talked about it over the years, and I've been patient, thinking he needed more time - but last night he admitted that he's not sure if he'll ever be ready. And I don't think I can live with that.
DD would be beyond devastated if she never saw her "brother" and "sister" again - so do I stick it out for her sake, knowing that we'll never get married and make myself be happy with that?
Or do I throw away the best relationship I've ever had, with a man who makes me so happy, (apart from the marriage thing) and try find someone who WILL want me that way?
(Before anyone asks, I have proposed to him and he said no, so that's not an option.)
I feel so sad...
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
WWYD? LT(not so)B or stick it out?
MissSusanStoHelit · 15/12/2014 09:15
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