Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What to do for the best - feelings for my friend.

(8 Posts)
fairyofnewyork Sun 14-Dec-14 17:26:33

I have developed feelings for a friend who is in a long term relationship that he says is coming to a natural end - neither of them have feelings any more. I do believe this to be true and he is a very genuine man.

I recently disclosed my feelings to him and he said that given the context he would not want to do anything about that, but he feels their is something between us but it would not be fair on me or his partner to do anything about that at this point.

What does that mean? At the moment we are texting every night and meeting up every weekend for tea or lunch to talk about his woes. Should I be putting some distance between us? What can I do for the best? I care very deeply for him.

Looseleaf Sun 14-Dec-14 17:30:01

Personally I would keep well out of the way to let them resolve this without you in the picture. Especially for the sake of his partner. It sounds like he may well be interested in you but it clearly isn't the right time if he hasn't ended his relationship

Bluetonic123 Sun 14-Dec-14 18:10:26

It sounds like you are having an emotional affair and he's lining you up for when he finally leaves. It's not the best start to a relationship but then life isn't always neat. Just don't wait for him for too long.

beaglesaresweet Sun 14-Dec-14 23:53:52

he can't deal with painful emotions of the divorce and in hte same time get excited about you - he must feel quite numb atm. You have to give it a lot of time, if you are hoping for more, months. Just be his friend, maybe see him once in two weeks instead meanwhile.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Sun 14-Dec-14 23:57:56

I don't think he is lining you up to be his next lady-love

I think he is using you to to transition and if his other relationship ends he will start another one with somebody else

Just a hunch

53Dragon Mon 15-Dec-14 00:00:21

Does his partner know that you meet every weekend? If not then you're having an emotional affair.

dadwood Mon 15-Dec-14 00:11:02

I think you are gonna come really unstuck fairyofnewyork if you try to have a relationship with him within 6 months after a split with his current partner. He will have all sorts of processing to do about his feelings and you will get associated with a time of emotional turmoil in his life and the relationship will probably not survive. That's a rebound relationship for you.
I had one of those, I was on the rebound and I ended up hurting a girl I cared about by starting a relationship with her too soon, it was doomed.

cailindana Mon 15-Dec-14 06:46:19

He's using you. You're a convenient counsellor with the added bonus that you fancy him and give him an ego boost. Step back and see his reaction. I'm guessing it won't be good.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now