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Feeling battered and bruised at the end of a relationship

(11 Posts)
goldglitterystar Sun 14-Dec-14 10:55:35

I have another post a few threads down about how I need to be braver to leave my crap relationship.

That relationship has now ended, it finished on Friday after another silly row and enough was enough so it had to end.

I have posted a lot about this relationship, this was 'sockgate' and the one about me not being empathetic towards his needs. Everyone on here told me to LTB. Now I have, and feel it is very much for the best, I feel battered and bruised by it all. I just feel like an injured animal and all I want to do is curl up under the duvets.

I feel very alone at the moment. I don't really have anyone in RL I can talk to about this. My close friends have got stuff going on in their own lives and quite frankly, none of them liked my ex, so don't want to burden them with me going on about it more than I have already since I started going out with in April.

I know that I have to work on myself, which I will do. But I just feel so disappointed that I always seem to attract these utter shits into my life.

woowoo22 Sun 14-Dec-14 11:04:02

Phone a close friend. They will prob be delighted you've dumped his stupid arse. Cry, cry, cry then go and do something just for you.

gottafindaman4yagirl Sun 14-Dec-14 11:07:47

Be kind to yourself, it took me six months to get myself together and accept the relationship was over. It helped to think of all the bad points about ex, things he did that upset me. Eventually you will realize that your better off without the bad relationship. It wont be was and you will be up and down emotionally. I burst into tears 9 months after split when I boxed up exh stuff. I did alot of thinking about the past and I felt alone and unloved, depressed and couldn't listen to some songs without feeling sad for what could of been.
I did it alone and it was hard but I told myself either I go down and get more depressed and feel sorry for myself or go up. I kept busy, I did things my ex wouldn't do with me. Listened to music he would turn his nose up. Took up fitness and got a new wardrobe.
The hurt will get less but you will need to feel it.
Best of luck

gottafindaman4yagirl Sun 14-Dec-14 11:08:36

*Wont be easy

FeckTheMagicDragon Sun 14-Dec-14 11:19:04

Oh well done you! I know it's not easy (been there) but tell your friends. They will be pleased, you may be surprised, give them a chance.

CogitOIOIO Sun 14-Dec-14 11:22:18

Sorry you're feeling rough. Please don't make the mistake of believing that you attract utter shits.... as if it's a failing on your part who you meet or that you're some kind of magnet for creeps. It's rarely the case. If you've made a mistake this time, it's to persist with the relationship after its sell by date, allowing the other person to hurt you some more. But that's just 'being human'.

Hope you have a better day

AskMeAnother Sun 14-Dec-14 16:45:27

This stage is horrible but you'll feel much better in a few days/weeks/months/years. Its cumulative. You just get better and better. Well done for seeing the back of him.

goldglitterystar Sun 14-Dec-14 21:28:09

I've had a massive lazy day today. Haven't even left the house. Have been eating chocolates, watching films, tv and reading. Luckily its my DD free weekend so have taken the opportunity to lay low.

I've made a little list of things that I will not tolerate from any relationship in the future:

1. Always trust my gut instincts when it comes to people - even though I went out with my ex on/off since April, I remember having a funny feeling about him very early on. He told me he loved me and wanted to marry me etc within 1 week of meeting me and I remember thinking, shit he is nuts! But I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt over and over again. I have been burnt before by not trusting my gut instincts with people, I had a female friend a few years back who I had a bad feeling about and sure enough that 'friendship' did not end well either.

2.Do not tolerate anyone who over steps my boundaries.

3.Do not tolerate anyone who talks over me all the time.

4.Do not take crap from people.

5.Always stand up for myself.

6. Stop giving people so many 'second chances'..

Fmlgirl Sun 14-Dec-14 22:08:22

I'm glad you left his crazy arse. I think you saved yourself from a lot of problems in the future. Remember that you deserve so much better than this. Time is a great healer. Make sure you keep yourself as occupied as you can. Good luck OP.

CogitOIOIO Mon 15-Dec-14 11:26:57

No experience, good or bad, is entirely wasted provided you can learn something from it. Your 'no more compromising' list sounds like a good way to proceed.

goldglitterystar Mon 15-Dec-14 16:02:09

Today I have been feeling a mixture of sadness and anger. I'm sad that the relationship really has ended this time. I will miss him. I am also really angry. Angry at myself for giving him so many second chances etc. And I'm angry at him. He would always turn everything round to me. He accused me of being emotionally abusive towards him because I would 'blow hot and cold' (usually said when I was upset about something he had done or said). He had no toleration if I was feeling ill, tired etc. He would expect me to be all happy to see him and jolly etc and he would turn everything to him i.e. you don't love me anymore?

We were supposed to be spending Christmas together. This time of year is always a bit difficult for me as it is as I am NC with my family. Although this year my DD is abit older she understands what Christmas is this year so perhaps it will be abit more interesting. My friend is coming to ours on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so at least I will have some adult company too.

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