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(5 Posts)
lovesleep2 Sun 14-Dec-14 08:46:34

Hi all,

This is my first post so I hope I am doing this right!

Me and my fiance have been together for 8 years. Since the start of our relationship he has always had problems getting and maintaining an erection. We have had up and down patches over the years, but we have got through them. This is a problem he has always had. He can only obtain an erection with help. He also does not ejeculate during sex, but can when he masturbates (our beautiful dd is evidence of that).

Last night he confessed that he was a total mess. Last time we tried to have sex he could not obtain an erection so now he was scared to try again (we have got over this before). However, he also said that he never feels anything during sex. He enjoys it, but that is mainly because I am, or because he is pleased that he is staying hard. He said he is struggling to get hard if he masturbates. He also said he thinks his penis and balls are getting smaller so now he is constantly checking and that is all he thinks about. They are not getting smaller, but the constant tugging and pulling back of his foreskin cannot be good for his penis.

He was a mess last night, saying that he'll never be able to have sex again and that he doesn't want to lose me or our dd. I tried to reassure him but it fell on deaf ears. He is one of lifes pessimists and is always so negative about everything.

I told him he needs to see a doctor and his response was "what will they do?" Etc etc. I managed to get him to contact relate to see a sex therapist so we are waiting for a response to that at the moment.

I feel like a total bitch. I really wanted to try for another baby after Christmas and right now, although I am obviously worried about him and his mental state, I am also distraught that this is now unlikely. What an awful thing to focus on.

I don't know what to do. I am stuck with a man I love, who is a great dad to our dd. But who has a major issue that is causing him to hate himself and me to hate that he can't just have sex.

Help :-(

Heyho111 Sun 14-Dec-14 09:04:19

Hi.
He is panic stricken with what's going on.
He must see a gp because his erection difficulties could be a sign for something else going on. This needs to be ruled out or sorted simply.
Because he is so worried this will also effect function. He can't enjoy sex because he is in a state of anxiety whilst doing it. There is so much pressure put on men about performance etc.
brilliant idea to get counselling but I really think a trip to the docs is a must if you can. It might be that Viagra would help him regain confidence. It could be that simple.

SantaBanta Sun 14-Dec-14 13:18:04

I really am hopeful you will find a solution. I agree that without a visit to the docs you can't know what is going on - medics are pretty unshockable so the pair of you must trust that an investigation will be done sympathetically xx

lovesleep2 Sun 14-Dec-14 19:37:26

Thanks both for your replies.

He was given something to help arouse him a few years ago but he was in such a state last night that he didn't believe anything would help him. A vicious circle!

I am going to push for him to go to the doctors. I have no worries about seeing a doc etc...I know that it may help. I just need to convince him of that. I don't think he has ever had his prostate checked etc so that could be something to get looked into. I think it will be booking the appointment for him though else he will never go!

whatisforteamum Sun 14-Dec-14 19:58:47

love2sleep i agree it is a tricky subject.i used to joke about my husband losing his erection when he went over 50 as he was after sex.however at 54 this has suddenly started to happen.I sent him to the GP who said it wasnt his heart meds but more likely his age.I am finding it difficult as im not sure what to say that wont upset him.he now has viagra £36 for 4 and was told to half them.I hope the GP is helpful to your DH and reassures him.

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