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Multi-dating vs sole-dating

(10 Posts)
Hesaysshewaffles Sat 13-Dec-14 09:59:58

Sorry for crap title

I read somewhere that it's best when dating to be having loads of plates spinning. So that not all your eggs are in one basket.

Do you take this approach? I have had a few dates with one person who I like, but have a first date with someone today which was booked in ages ago, and whilst I want to meet him, I feel 'guilt' to the other guy. Yet I know this guy is still using POF, whilst telling me how much he likes me??

purpleroses Sat 13-Dec-14 10:02:34

When I was internet dating I would set up first dates with more than one person and not worry. But if any of them moved on to a second or third date, I would consider that the start of a relationship and no longer see anyone else. I'd kind of expect others to do that too, unless they'd made it clear they were still seeing other people

Hesaysshewaffles Sat 13-Dec-14 10:06:05

That's how I feel too, so I was a little upset to see he was still actively using the site (I logged on to show my friend this guys profile and noticed).

My friend said that he hasn't really done nothing wrong and I shouldn't hold anything against him as it's just been two dates (and no sleeping together)

pinkfrocks Sat 13-Dec-14 10:20:55

If the relationship has not been discussed and agreed to be exclusive then you are both free to see other people. You are not committed and neither are they.
I think you can have as many dates as you want with Man A and until it's clear you are a couple and agree to take yourselves off dating sites then it's not realistic to close doors when you might meet someone else.

You are being totally unreasonable to expect this man to be 'yours' after 2 dates! You can barely know one another.

DollyRocker1 Sat 13-Dec-14 10:21:00

OLD has made dating more American. I think the general consensus is that you can still see other people until you've had a conversation about being exclusive. I personally would want to have this chat after 3-4 dates but if the guy you're dating is still seeing other people then you risk ending up with nothing if you wait for him to make his mind up about you. I'd go out and meet the other guy today and not feel any guilt. You never know you may like him more than the first one.

pinkfrocks Sat 13-Dec-14 10:23:51

But it's not just OLD- surely this has always been so?
I dated before the internet existed and in 1 week I had 4 dates with different men. I wasn't sleeping with any of them but was seeing how and if we clicked.

Catzeyess Sat 13-Dec-14 10:50:55

Totally fine for first dates - in fact I think it's sensible.

My personal line would be if it got physical I would expect to be exclusive.

purpleroses Sat 13-Dec-14 11:08:27

There are lots of reasons you might log in to your online site though that don't mean you're actually seeing anyone else - replying to an email (to say no), or having another look at your profile to check out something you said. I wouldn't expect him to take that down straight away.

dirtybadger Sat 13-Dec-14 11:11:42

I wouldn't assume exclusivity until it was explicitly discussed. OLD or not.
I am a cautious person so would be receptive to that conversation after a couple of months and ditching them if they weren't keen on the idea after 3-4. Obviously that only applies if when we met we were both looking for serious relationships. If one or both have left the door open for anything less than that then earlier on there needs to be a chat about what they want as the end game, otherwise you're wasting your time.
Unless they or I were actively looking for a casual or open relationship to be honest I would expect after a few months the reality would be you're exclusive anyway, I just don't like the idea of committing to it formally after a few dates when you can barely remember one anothers names.

DollyRocker1 Sat 13-Dec-14 11:39:03

I guess for me I would want to know after a few weeks that we were just focusing on each other and seeing how things went. I certainly wouldn't be up for sleeping with someone who was seeing other women so I do think you need sort of conversation about this after the first 4-5 dates.

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