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In your relationship, is one of you the 'positive' one and one of you the 'negative' one?

(21 Posts)
fiveyearstime Thu 11-Dec-14 14:16:18

If so, which one are you, and how does this difference make itself felt in your relationship? Is it something that causes friction, or do you feel that you complement each other well?

I ask because I feel like my OH tends to be pretty negative and pessimistic about many things, whereas I take more of a 'glass half full' approach. At times, this makes things quite tense between us, or certainly places us in opposition even on quite small or inconsequential things.

Vivacia Thu 11-Dec-14 14:20:41

Er, no, not really.

suspiciousandsad Thu 11-Dec-14 14:24:24

Yep, I'm positive, he is negative.

We are currently separating. <does a little heel click>

Maroonie Thu 11-Dec-14 14:35:37

I am definitely the more negative one (but hopefully not too negative!) I just 'plan for the worst' more than he does and I think of possible consequences so we can cope when things don't go entirely to plan. I like to think we balance each other out, might have to ask what he thinks!

Molotov Thu 11-Dec-14 14:40:44

I tend towards the negative, my DH is positive.

I think we balance each other out in the most, although I know I can really irritate him. Sometimes I think he doesn't fully listen (or switches off) to my concerns.

But those are not major issues because we always talk and know each other inside-out.

carolinecupcake Thu 11-Dec-14 14:46:05

I'm the positive one - I get more excited about things, more enthusiastic,tend to do silly things more often. He's definitely more negative and pessimistic and puts a damper on things. It does upset and annoy me at times but maybe it's cos he has a very stressful job and is always exhausted.There's not much that I can do to change him but maybe it does balance itself out. Sensible,boring Daddy and silly Mummy!

JohnFarleysRuskin Thu 11-Dec-14 14:46:51

Yes, but I think my positivity is good for him! Ha.
And he is amusing in his negativity or he keeps it to himself so it doesn't really affect me.

Are you finding his negativity is impacting on you, er negatively?

VitalStollenFix Thu 11-Dec-14 14:49:55

I wouldn't say I was negative. I describe it that my husband builds the aeroplanes and I sew the parachutes grin

He is a bit of a dreamer sometimes and I look more practically. Ok, in this situation what are all the things that could happen and how would we deal with them...

Then I feel prepared to step into his plane. grin

He likes to insist that the way he wants things to go is the way they will go and there is no possibility of failure. I don't accept that. Things can always go wrong and it's important to know how you are going to deal with it.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

TheHermitCrab Thu 11-Dec-14 14:51:51

I'm more negative (I like to say realistic) and he's more positive (but I think he's too laid back!) "oooh everything will be fine" kind of person lol. We compliment each other well and kick each other into shape one way or another.

(kind of like VitalStollenFix)

kaykayblue Thu 11-Dec-14 15:32:30

No not really. I can't stand it when people are constantly negative about everything, and piss all over everyone's excitement.

I'd say my partner is much more practical than I am, and very realistic, but that's different to being negative. There's a huge difference between the two though.

Say I wanted to run a marathon.

A realistic person would say "oh wow, that's an amazing thing to aim for! Have you done any research on it yet? It's a huge undertaking, so you'll want to make sure that you do a lot of reading up, otherwise you could end up hurting yourself, you know with your knees and ankles and stuff".

A negative person would say "A marathon? Why? What's the point? Do you know how many people injure themselves trying to train for a marathon because they have no idea what they're doing? Do you even know what race you will sign up for? All the big ones will be full over a year in advance. You'll never have the motivation to train that much, so why bother"

Basically talking to a realistic, you go away with a sense of the practicalities of what you want to do. A negative person you go away from the conversation feeling like shit, and that your idea was pointless.

KouignAmann Thu 11-Dec-14 16:08:44

I'm a sunny person who thinks the best of everybody and have been accused of going round with a cloud of butterflies flying round my head. Whatever crisis I am in I tend to laugh and joke and deal with it in a black humour kind of way. Even funerals.
I am rarely negative except when I have PMT (and turn into an axe murderer). I am probably quite annoying!

DP is mainly jolly but tends to go off on rants about things which can be a real downer. It is usually frustration about something that has been bugging him for years and he cannot change like a stupid road junction or a shop that gave him bad service. Also he worries about things that haven't happened yet (and might never). I have to shut him up sometimes when he has gone on too much as he spoils a nice day out. There isn't friction exactly but he can bring me down and I get fed up of his rants sometimes.

Joysmum Thu 11-Dec-14 16:16:52

What others call negative I can realistic, what others call positive I call unrealistic.

I'm more cautious, DH is more optimistic.

This is fabulous for our relationship because I plan to get the best result, DH is great at crisis management because he's not good at planning and his leaps of faith mean he has to be!

We meet somewhere in the middle and are great together because our skills compliment one another smile

NorthLDNgal Thu 11-Dec-14 16:21:54

I found I was positive in ways that my exDP was negative and vice versa. A sort of balancing act that worked for some years. For instance I'm quite professionally driven whereas my exDP isn't/wasn't but then he was calm in stressful situations and I'd erupt and get it all out in one go and move on.

Not cut and dry really!

Molotov Thu 11-Dec-14 16:27:23

According to the definitions here, I'm probably overly practical rather than negative. The over-tendency to pragmatism tends to have a negative impact: I won't do some things out of worry (about stuff that might not even happen) as I do overthink. I just try to think about things from every potential corner, so I always feel prepared ... prepared, or have no nasty surprises.

Molotov Thu 11-Dec-14 16:28:46

... and I think I've just explained why I get worked up and anxious!

feesh Thu 11-Dec-14 16:34:02

I'm positive, especially since we had kids and I have to get on and deal with shit and not let negativity get to them.

Husband is negative all the time and it drives me insane. It's a big issue between us. He always gives reasons why we can't do something or why we should go home now or whatever. We never have actual fun when he is around.

FruitBasedDrinkForALady Thu 11-Dec-14 17:58:16

It depends on the situation here. Day to day I'm more "yes by default ", where DH is less positive, eg, I'd say we'll go to the park but he'll only see the clouds and there's an element of laziness . On the other hand, we've been talking about doing some work on the house, and while he's getting architects in for ideas, I'm freaking out about the money!

zaracharlotte Thu 11-Dec-14 18:01:57

No not at all. We both fluctuate. Bad days and good days.

Yes I'm the Ross in our relationship .
DH has wonderful lovely ideas, I'm the one who lives with the reality of them. I'm not negative I think, more practical grin.

TheBookofRuth Thu 11-Dec-14 18:14:07

I'm positive and he's negative, and while I know we irritate each other at times, on the whole we balance each out nicely. I stop him getting too miserable and morose, and remind him all the good things in our lives, and he keeps me grounded and stops me getting carried away with too many grand schemes and plans.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 11-Dec-14 18:57:33

Yes, absolutely. But which of us is which changes depending on the situation. When it comes to 'emotional' things, family things, I tend to be the negative one. Not mean and crabby, but seeing the worst case scenario and getting upset. DH is generally more able to be optimistic. When it comes to car repairs, home repairs, or things to do with finances, he is negative and sees disaster and I'm more positive that things will be OK.

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